Harder Days

                                    

                                          


                          
Today was harder for me. For no particular reason really. It was just hard. I think it's the realization that I'm genuinely okay without you in my life that ruined it for me. I'm surrounded by friends at every corner of my life in every aspect. No matter the day I don't have to sit alone by myself and wallow in despair. In fact, I find it a little... Overwhelming that there's no alone time for me anymore which is... Not at all a complaint. Mondays and Wednesdays before my college class are with my twin, after classes Wednesday I have my D&D group of friends, Tuesdays I have robotics with the guys, Thursdays I have drama club, Fridays I hang out with my twin and my other friend group... I never have to be alone. Because I have real, genuine friends. Friends who like who I am and make an effort to hang out with me. Which feels... Amazing. It's just... Depressing with you. You only want to talk to me because everyone else rejected you because nobody else would give you the time of day besides your cousin. Which... As sad as it sounds I can't find it in my heart to pity you. Because it was your choice to chose every one of them over me. When I was the only one there for you and helping you through everything I was a last resort, an option. And that's something I've genuinely been forcing myself to go through, to try and understand. I'm nothing but a contingency plan for you. Nothing but an, "if I don't get what I want, I'll have her." And... You're wrong. I'm not a contingency plan. I'm a fucking person. And nobody deserves what you do to me. So I'll be your friend. You'll be a friend to me as my other friends are. But I'm done letting you keep me as an option when I deserve to be treated like I'm special. You got mad at me today for being okay, and the truth is... I am okay. I'm doing better every day without you dragging me down. I love you, but you don't deserve the right to take my happiness away after you stole it in the first place. I have other things that make me happy now. And it's not just you anymore.