The Banquet (part 1)

                                    

                                          
The clothes Jaskier had picked out for the witcher made him look so much less threatening, almost human, if it weren't for his amber glare and the large sword which was for a change not strapped on his back but dangling from his belt. To say he looked handsome was an understatement and I found myself shocked that after more than ten years of traveling with this man his looks could surprise me. "Well, don't you two clean up nicely?" Jaskier marveled at the Geralt and me, dusting off the witcher's black doublet, earning a grunt from the tall man and a glare from us both.
                          
We were not used to wear nice clothes. For our job the clothes had to be practical. The bard on the other hand liked colorful, impractical clothes. For this special occasion he was wearing a golden doublet with matching pants, the fabric shimmering in the light. 
                          
"Oh, don't give me that look. It's for one day," the bard chided at us and began walking towards the castle's big entrance.
                          
"Julian Alfred Pankratz, Viscount de Lettenhove," he said to the guard preventing him from entering. "And my, uh, companions," he added, pointing at Geralt and me. The guard let us pass and soon enough we found ourselves at the entrance on the large throne room.
                          
"Right, so stick close to me, look mean and pretend you're mute. Can't have anyone finding out who you are," reminded the bard. "And Nienna, you look pretty and at least pretend you are charming, got it? And don't mention that you're traveling with a witcher!"
                          
I smirked. "Ooh, dear brother," I said, my voice sweet like honey. "I can be about as charming as the dagger strapped to my thigh." with the second half of the sentence my voice grew more harsh, until the last word came out as a hiss.
                          
Just as we stepped around a corner a man spotted us, recognized the witcher and called out for him. "Geralt of Rivia, the mighty Witcher!" Jaskier cursed under his breath and the man came over. "I haven't seen you since the plague," he continued talking. 
                          
Well, so much for our plan...
                          
"Good times, Mousesack," deadpanned the witcher causing the man, Mousesack to laugh.
                          
"I've missed your sour complexion," he laughed, clearly drunk. "I feared this would be a dull affair, but now the White Wolf is here, perhaps all is not lost. Why are you dressed like a sad silk trader?"
                          
The witcher didn't say a word; he just glared at my brother who tried to ignore the men talking. "What?" he asked innocently.
                          
"Walk with me," said the man to the witcher and they left us.
                          
For a moment Jaskier and I just stood there, unsure what to now that our plan was - how do I put it? - fucked. Then my brother stepped away, babbling something about mingling with the crowd and avoiding angry husbands. I followed him but kept my distance. Close enough to step in should something happen, but far away enough to not seem like a weird stalker.
                          
It all went well for a while, until a lord stepped up to the bard. "You!" Jaskier pretended as if he didn't notice the lord. "Hey, you!" the lord spat, finally catching my brother's attention. I stepped closer, hastily making a plan how I could save my brother from the wrath of this angry lord, as our dear witcher was too deep into conversation. "You. I've seen you before. You slept with my wife!" That man was fuming.
                          
I decided to step in, sliding one hand around my brother's waist and resting the other on his chest, clinging to his side. I looked up at him with big, innocent eyes. "Dear? What is this all about?" I asked timidly. "This man right there slept with my wife!" yelled the lord again. I turned towards him, still an innocent look on my face. "You must be mistaking, my lord. You see, my husband has been nothing but faithful ever since we met as children," I smiled sweetly at the lord, hoping that would convince him to leave us alone. Luckily it worked and the lord left. I stepped back from my brother and brushed the crinkles out of my skirt.
                          
"Wow. Thank you. Married." Jaskier huffed as soon as the lord was out of sight. 
                          
"Well, you're welcome. If not for me you could have been dead my now. I had to improvise, okay?! And we wouldn't be in that mess if you could keep it in your pants for once, but here we are. So don't be upset when I try to save your life, fucking damn it!" I let my frustration out, turning on my heel and made my way into the crowd. I grabbed a goblet of wine and sipped on it, while leaning against the wall, watching out for my stupid brother ready to step in again and pretend to be his to save his goddamn life, whether he liked it or not. 
                          
And a second lord approached Jaskier. I saw Geralt also noticing this and stayed back, close enough to listen to them and also step in if needed.
                          
"Something about you reminds me of a scoundrel I once saw fleeing my wife's chambers!" the lord hissed while stepping closer to the nervously stuttering bard. "Drop your trousers," the lord commanded. "What?" confusion written all over my brother's nervous face. "I didn't get a proper look at the little shit's face, but that pimply arse I'd remember anywhere."
                          
I couldn't help but chuckle at this.
                          
That was when the witcher stepped in. "Well... uh, uh... Ah, Geralt," stuttered the bard and chuckled nervously.
                          
"Forgive me, my lord." The witcher spoke. "This... happens all the time. It's true, he has the face of a cad and a coward. But, truth be known, he was kicked in the balls by an ox as a child."
                          
Blame it on the wine, but I lost it. I was laughing as much as I could without being noticed.
                          
"Well, that's... tr-true," stuttered Jas.
                          
Turning first to the witcher then the bard the lord said "Apologies. Here, drown your...sorrows on me, eunuch," tossing a coin to my brother. 
                          
As the lord left I stepped up to the two men.
                          
"Oh, wow. Thank you. Thank you so much," Jas complained. "First of all, you hog all the fanfare, then you go and ruin my courtly reputation."
                          
"I saved your life. You're on your own from here on," responded the witcher.
                          
"Don't take it personally, Geralt. He reacted the same way when I pretended to be his wife to save him from the lord before," I told the witcher.
                          
"Try not to get any daggers in your back before dawn," added the witcher, glancing at me as he said 'daggers'. Come on! I know Jaskier can piss me off, but I would never stab him in the back! If I was to kill him, I'd so facing him! Just kidding.
                          
At this moment fanfares started blaring and a herald called out. "All rise for Her Majesty, the Lioness, Queen Calanthe of Cintra!" 
                          
I stood up straighter, realizing in this moment that I've never been to a royal court before.
                          
The queen strode into the throne room, bloody and wearing armor. She was... so much different from how I expected a queen to look. But what I heard from her, she was not an ordinary queen.
                          
"Beer!" she called out, grabbing a pint of ale off a tray and throwing her helmet to a servant behind her. The crowd cheered and my brother made his way over to a small stage for the musicians while Geralt remained leaning against the wall. I decided to stay with the witcher. Big crowds such as this weren't really my thing, and from here I could at least watch my brother, and step in should he do something stupid.
                          
The queen addressed the crowd. "Apologies, noble sirs. A few upstart townships in the south needed reminding who was Queen."
                          
The crowd laughed and cheered.
                          
"I find it's good for one's blood and humors."
                          
The crowd jeered.
                          
"Ready your suitor's tales of glory, good lords. My daughter is ready to have this over with. As am I."
                          
With a vague gesture of her hand she added "Bard, music!", causing the crowd to cheer and Jaskier to bow as he started a song, which was immediately interrupted by the Lioness. "No, no, no! A jig! You save your bloody maudlin nonsense for my funeral."
                          
And so, Jaskier started playing a lively tune together with some other musicians.