.1.

                                    

                                          
One month later
                          
"Want help unpacking?" Alec asks. 
                          
"Nah man you did enough." 
                          
"You sure?" 
                          
I put a smile on my face, glancing around at the empty apartment. I donated most of my stuff from my flat, the thought of bringing the furniture with me made me sick to my stomach. 
                          
"Yeah positive. Besides don't you gotta go get your kid?" 
                          
His head bobs, a smile on his face at the mention of his son. "Yeah, I should probably get there before Bre flips out."
                          
"I thought you guys were cool." 
                          
Leaning against the counter, I fold my arms across my chest as Alec sobers up a little.
                          
"She found out I went on a date and she's been pissy ever since." He tells me.
                          
"Well shit that sucks." 
                          
He shrugs his shoulder, seemingly unfazed. He never was one for getting riled up. 
                          
"You sure you're good? I can come back over if you want." He offers adding as an after thought "though I don't know if Aiden would be."
                          
I chuckle at the thought of watching his three year old run around my apartment. If I'm being honest, I wouldn't hate it. At least I wouldn't be alone. But I know Alec's got better things to do than deal with me. 
                          
"Nah man, get out of here."
                          
I hold my hand out and his enormous paw engulfs it before he tugs me to him for a hug. 
                          
"Listen Drew, I'm here, day or night okay?" He says. 
                          
I nod, stiffly. "Yeah I know."
                          
He doesn't let me go right away. "I'm glad you're here."
                          
I'm not. "Me too."
                          
I see him out the door a moment later, turning back to my bare apartment once I close the door. Unpacking seems a little pointless. In fact this all seems a little pointless as I look around at the new furniture that was delivered, still in its plastic wrapping. 
                          
Alec brought a housewarming gift in the shape of beer, I pull one from the fridge, popping the lid as I walk to the couch and sit down without bothering to unwrap it. I take a long drink, staring out the windows that span the living room wall and open up onto a balcony. 
                          
And then I feel it, the loneliness spreading. through my body.
                          
                            ————————
                          
It's the middle of the night.
                          
I can't sleep.
                          
My mind torturing me with thoughts of Jaelyn. 
                          
I miss her.
                          
I know it's bad, I know I'm torturing myself further but I open my phone and scroll to her text thread I never was able to delete.
                          
The last thing I texted her was "I love you." I should have got it. It all should have made sense when she read it and never responded. But I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was busy. Maybe she forgot to hit send. 
                          
It wasn't any of those though. She just didn't love me.
                          
My heart aches. It seems to be the only thing I feel anymore. Heartbreak or nothing.
                          
So without thinking, I call her. Even though I know it's stupid. Pointless even. But I just need to hear her voice.
                          
I count the rings, telling myself she's sleeping there's no way she'll answer when the phone picks up.
                          
"Drew?" Her voice is a whisper, full of sleep.
                          
"Hey Jaelyn." I sound too awake.
                          
She's silent on the phone, rustling making it through the distance and to my ear. I wait for her to speak again. I'm not even sure if I have anything to say.
                          
"Why are you calling me?" I hear a click of a door, her voice still quiet.
                          
Because I'm lonely. And I miss her.
                          
"I'm drunk." I say instead.
                          
I'm completely sober.
                          
She lets out a sigh. 
                          
"I miss you Jaelyn." I miss her smile, her laugh, her.
                          
"Don't do this to yourself Drew."
                          
"He won't love you like I do." I tell her.
                          
I would have given Jaelyn anything she wanted. I still would. 
                          
"You're right, he won't." Sadness in her voice.
                          
Hope blooms in my chest. She sees it too. Maybe she's realized he was a mistake and she wants to come back. I'll take her back. We can easily go right back to how things were.
                          
"I don't have to worry if I'm going to come home to him dead, not like I did with you. I don't have to worry if he's actually okay or just pretending. So yes Drew, he won't love me like you do. He'll love me better."
                          
And all the hope that was trying to come to life inside me dies. 
                          
"I know you thought you hid it well." She continues leaving me speechless. "But I saw you. I saw you on the balcony and I saw you in the bathroom after we got home from my cousins wedding."
                          
I hang my head, my eyes closing as vivid memories fill my mind. The wind whipping through my clothes, the ground below as I stood on the cement wall that made the railing. She was supposed to be out with Bre. I'd talked myself out of it, climbing off the railing only to turn around to the front door closing of my flat.  A clear shot through the room. I didn't think she saw anything, she never said she did. Or the cold metal pressed against my skin, blood pumping hard beneath it. We'd gotten home from the wedding, had sex and Jaelyn fell asleep. I was stuck awake, replaying images of her flirting with some friend of the groom's. I'd drawn blood that time. 
                          
"I'm sorry." I say weakly. 
                          
"I'm sorry I cheated but I was afraid if I broke up with you, you'd kill yourself." I laugh through my nose, she wasn't wrong. "I don't want to be the only reason keeping you alive Drew."
                          
Tears prick my eyes but I refuse to let them fall, squeezing my eyes shut to hold them in. I just want her back. I want to wake up beside her. I want her to tell me she'll never leave. 
                          
"I'm getting married in a few months." She says and I swear she's crying.  "Don't call me anymore."
                          
                             ———————
                          
Thanks for the cover art Rensk3N !
                          
So I know some author's have suggested playlist to listen while reading their work or to add to it or whatever. This is not what this is. 
                          
However incase you're interested, I heard this song from this artist (I'm still trying to figure out if it's a one man band or if there's more members) but anyway I heard this song one day while listening to Spotify and I was like "oh my god, that's Drew". And since I've had their playlist on repeat and so many of their songs feel like Drew. 
                          
So if you're interested I'll leave the songs that really resonate with me below.
                          
The artist is Nothing, Nowhere.
                          
And the songs are:
Neither here nor there
sayer
I'm sorry, I'm trying 
Deadbeat Valentine
Nevermore
rejecter 
Weight of the Wind
Letdown
Skully
LIFE EATER