Chapter-44

                                    

                                          
Dedicated this chapter to alj19101996 .Thank you for supporting Aaryan and Rayna.
So..double update for my readers.
But before that,
To clear the confusion..so in previous chapter when Piya asked "Can I talk to mommy." Aaryan imagined that he almost left and then he thought that she is unconscious and the card because...Piya was talking about card before that.
Aaryan zoned out.
Aaryan imagined that.I wanted to show that he zoned out and he also does not know what he imagined so I have not written clearly anything...
Rayna's POV
After having dinner I decided to sleep but I could not sleep as sleep was miles away from me.
There were thousand of question running in my head.
I told him about my insecurities.
I told him the problems I am having.
He knew everything.
He said he loves me then he gave me a hope of a bright future with him and then he left me.
I was happy alone.
If he had to leave why did he came in my life after giving me a hope of beautiful future with him.
I was okay without him.
I was happy alone.
I tossed and turned but sleep was not coming.
I woke up , took a deep breathe ,had a glass of water and went in the hall and sat on sofa because I know sleep will not come.
I know I will not be able to sleep so it's of no use tossing and turning on the bed.
It's easy to say I will leave for myself and all that but actually it's so hard because our thoughts dont let us live peacefully.
I have read the quote many times "Live for yourself.Dont loose hope." but actually it's very hard.
Each and every second becomes hard to live.
I was feeling like thank god an hour has passed.
I know I made up my mind and told myself that I dont want to survive , I want to live but as I am thanking with every passing minute I know I am only surviving.
I am not living.
I dont know if it will be possible or not.
I dont know from today if I will live happily or not but atleast I will try because if I dont atleast try to live these thoughts will force me to kill myself and I can't kill myself.
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Aaryan's POV
The whole night I tossed and turned on the sofa but I could not sleep.
What was Rayna talking with Arjun?
How did Piya stressed her out?
From when she was feeling all this?
Did I give top much presdure on her.
I mean,the parent teacher meetings,the annual function..
Did we give too much pressure on her?
I should have not asked her for coffee that day.
I should have not bought her into the kids life.
I know they are suffering a lot.
One day they were happy with me being the only person in their life and next day I bought someone into their life and when finally they were accepting her as a part of their family she went away from their life.
I will not try to talk with them or anything because even if I say something they will not understand.
So it's better not to say anything.
And what will I tell to them?
That Rayna got stressed of them , specially Piya.
That even if she would have stayed she would not have been happy because we stressed her a lot.
I took my mobile and tried to check something but failed.
Then my eyes failed on the story she was writing which made me smile.
I never believed in fate but the day I unknowingly start reading her story and then get to know that she is the writer I knew that there's something called fate.
And then I decided to close my eyes for sometime but when Rayna's thoughts were not letting me do that I decided to do some work.
I took a mop and stated cleaning the whole house to distract myself but it was of no use as while cleaning also Rayna was in my mind.
When my ex left I was not so sad because when we were together we always used to fight.
With her there were always bitter memories.
Either we were fighting or we were arguing and I was glad because Piya and Surya were with me.
Now Piya and Surya are also not making my thoughts distract from Rayna.
That shows how much important she has became in my life.
I cleaned the whole hall.
At 3 a.m. people are sleeping and I am cleaning my hall.
Wow.
Rayna! Look what you made me do.
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Rayna's POV
Finally it's 3 a.m.
Thank god three hours went by.
I did nothing other than fighting with my inner thoughts.
It's like someone is forcing me to give up my life , telling me I have no goal , or no reason to live and I am fighting with them because I dont want to die.
Someone is poking me and asking me to give up on my life , laughing at me , mocking me and telling me that there's nothing left and I should live this world but I am fighting with all of them.
Three hours I fought with all of them.
I fight with them and they agaun come back.
I even tried to read a story.
Reading was my salvation but this time reading is also nit helping me.
While reading also it's like I am feeling voices which are asking me to give up on my life.
Telling me I dont have to stay as I have no reason to stay.
It has become so hard for me.
I try to stop the voices ,the thoughts of giving up on my life but they are not stopping.
Laughing at me , mocking me and asking ke why I am alive?
It's getting so hard.
For a second I felt to give up rather than fighting with these thoughts.
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No questions today.
Tell me how you feel after reading this chapter?
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