Repentance || I

                                    

                                          
"You can forgive, you can try to forget. But no matter how hard you try you're just going to have to live with it." 
                          
***
                          
I'm not sure. Not really. 
                          
I can't sleep though, so I guess that's a reality check. 
                          
The clock ticks in an even rhythm—as it should, footsteps rushed and rapid throughout the halls, as usual. It's quiet. I've been wide awake ever since I'd carried Jesse to the hospital. No, I'm actually completely exhausted, but my body is full of this unwanted shock still in sight of mind. I just can't put together to pieces. 
                          
My legs sink uncomfortably into the worn-out sofa chair they've installed near some of the entrance doors, and I run my shaking hands down my face, which is undeniably beaded in pure sweat. They should get some air conditioning in here, or fix it at least. Open a window. 
                          
But I'm getting off topic. 
                          
"Hey." Lukas says this forced, as if he's disgusted to talk to me. I don't blame him. I just nod and get up, following him into one of the major rooms. He looks like a mess even from behind, top wrinkled under his vest, hair pushed back in a whirl. I can't help but notice one of his sleeves is significantly higher than the other, but it's so unnecessary I keep my mouth shut.
                          
I feel eyes on me the second I walk in. Her friends are all there, and the old guy too, Ivor. Olivia and Axel I think. Petra's pacing back and forth, not even noticing my arrival. Maya's in the corner, biting her nails. I think the whole thing's got to her even worse than before. 
                          
"Gil?" His name pushes itself out of my mouth unwillingly. But I already know. Even before the nurse shakes her head and Lukas looks away from me. My shoulders droop. I don't know why. I shouldn't feel bad, he was going to kill everyone. There's a part of me that will miss him no matter what, no matter how stupid or idiotic he was. He was my friend before all this, if I even deserved that. 
                          
Now it looks like I have to attend his funeral again. 
                          
"Jesse?" I ask numbly, lifting my head up if only a little.  
                          
"Fortunately for you, she'll be alright. The arrow skimmed her barely and just knocked her out. They were able to get the antidote in immediately. She just needs a few days of rest." Lukas eyes me, and I can't help but feel the rising tension. Of course, I'm suspicious. I shouldn't be surprised. Running into the hospital carrying a wounded Jesse in my arms, I admit it looks pretty bad. But I couldn't just stand around and do nothing, after everything happened. Even if this is some sort of jacked up world where I'm hated, but that isn't anything new. 
                          
I let out a sigh of relief and rub my temples, readying for an upcoming migraine. I have to figure this out. I have to figure this out before someone else dies. 
                          
"So, are you gonna tell us what happened out there?" Olivia, she points this at me like a dagger to my chest, and everyone's staring at me, waiting. 
                          
I think about telling them, about what happened before, not in this universe, but it'll only sink me deeper. 
                          
"I went to talk to Jesse." I start, finding no reason to object. "I had...suspicions about Gil. Call it a hunch, instinct. He was acting weird and strange, so I decided to talk to her about it. But she wouldn't believe me. We were in the middle of a conversation before something shot out of nowhere. She saw it before I did, she tackled me to the ground to save me. It was a poisoned arrow." 
                          
That part is true in the least. I look down innocently at my dirtied jeans and the few blades of grass on my shirt. 
                          
"I went to go find the source, but instead I found—I found Gil, lying on the ground in a pool of blood. I didn't know what to do. He was almost—he was almost gone. Jesse was still breathing, so I got her to the hospital as fast as I could." 
                          
"How did you know?" Olivia asks slowly. 
                          
"What?"
                          
"How did you know the arrow was poison?" 
                          
There's some uneasy shuffling, Axel furrows his brow and crosses his arms across his chest while Ivor gives me the stink eye. I know I screwed up but I won't give them the satisfaction. I keep calm. 
                          
"A friend of mine—back in Sky City, she got hit with one." Yes, I am referring to Jesse. My Jesse anyway, or old Jesse, ugh, whatever you wanna call her. 
                          
"And are we just supposed to believe that?" Lukas shakes his head slightly. 
                          
"The color is distinct at the tip, a bright green–same as potion of poison—and there's a certain smell to it. It's kind of obvious once you think about it." I shrug, like it's the most common known thing in the world. They're not going to pin this on me. I won't let them. 
                          
I take a long look at everyone around me, uncertain glances and unknowing looks. I can't trust anyone. I just need to rely on myself and my instincts, even if they aren't the best. 
                          
"Cut it out with the bickering," Petra lashes out harshly, her expression wrinkled with exhaustion, "we need to go back, rack up some evidence, figure out who did this and why. Keep playing the blame game and we're bound to sink deeper." 
                          
She takes a sad look at the curtain in the corner of the room, pulled out to provide a sense of privacy. I'm guessing that's where Jesse is, but I know they won't let me see her. Which is quite the shame unfortunately, if I could only talk to her maybe I could piece some of this together. 
                          
"Fine." Lukas responds dimly, and then nodding to me with a sour grin on his face. "Lead the way hotshot." 
                          
I ignore his insult. I'm not going to let him get under my skin. I have to do this. I have to finish this for the sake of everyone. 
                          
With the slightest bit of confidence, I walk past him. Because I think—no, I know—I clench my fists. 
                          
I'm not going to die here.