Eleven

                                    

                                          
Simon's Pov
*mentions of self harm*
                          
If Harry's getting stressed out and angry after Tobi asking as little as two questions, it was gonna be a huge problem. How were we meant to help him if he wouldn't even let us try. This was all I could think as I lye wide awake on my bed. I debated the idea of checking on Harry for awhile, the possibility of him being awake too was high since he did sleep for most of the day. Once I'd decided yes this is what I wanted to do, I swiftly made my way across the landing and knocked gently on Harry's door. Not wanting to wake the other guys up by banging loudly. No response.
                          
"Harry I'm coming in!" I whisper.
                          
What I saw when I opened the door made my heart sink. His eyes were glazed and bloodshot red as he blinked, more tears rolled down his cheeks. His lower lip trembled as he tried to speak "Si..Simon please...leave me alone." I'd walked in on him in a state before and I wanted nothing more than to help, even more so this time around since finding out he'd been seriously harming himself. 
"I'm not leaving you alone like this." Harry was clearly very worked up, with all things considered he's mad if he really thinks I'm just going to leave. "Harry I want to help you," I placed my hand on top of his "Please let me help you." I was practically begging him.
                          
Harry's Pov
                          
His hand being on mine filled me with butterflies. Truthfully I don't know how he can help me but trying to explain it can't hurt more than I already am. So I did, emphasis on try. "I really don't know where to start." 
"Anywhere will do." Simon smiled sadly along with squeezing my hand, perhaps he thought it would encourage me to feel comfortable explaining. Not going to lie it totally worked, I did have a massive soft spot for him. Whatever was on my mind right now was about to be let out.
                          
"Okay..um well basically sometimes I feel like quite okay and I guess well I can have fun and laugh and spend time with my friends err but for some reason those kind of umm..moods are becoming more and more foreign to me. Quite often I wake up feeling shit, I don't wanna go anywhere I don't wanna do anything!....Have you ever pretended to be happy?" He nodded at me "It just gets so tiring doesn't it? So fucking tiring and I'm constantly having to behave like I'm doing fine when I'm not Simon...I'm really not." At this point Simon had completely wrapped his arms around me in a hug, he'd noticed tears were pouring out my eyes profusely. Simon had also started to tear up.  It seemed that once I started I couldn't stop. "My moods are never constant they're so irregular it's kinda hard to keep up sometimes because one minute I'm sad the other happy then I'm just completely numb. That's the worst one I think, and when I feel numb I get bored of feeling nothing so much so that I cut myself just to feel something  even if that something is pain it's better than nothing I can't explain it and it's become such a habit it's more like my daily routine I don't how how to stop, I don't know if I want to stop. I feel like I want help but then I don't and I don't understand that I'm so fucking indecisive it's like the circle of life but replace life with shit and then it's just shit the circle of shit and that's my life and that's all there is to it." I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for a good 10 or 20 minutes before passing out on Simon's chest.