41. Love, loving lies and appointment orders

                                    

                                          
I learn something new about you every time. And it is beautiful. How you can still be new and exciting even after you become my old, safe place. - Logan.
~~~
41. Love, loving lies and appointment orders
(Alexandra)
Alexandra and Stella looked at each other in the deafening silence that was followed by the loud bang after Logan had closed the door with force and walked away. It was tensed, so tensed Alex could feel it in the tightening of her chest. 
Stella shook her head with a pensive look on her face and Alex knew she was going to get lectured. Dammit. 
Stella didn't lecture, not often. Stella was all about chill pills, but... This didn't feel like chill pill kinda time.
It is all your fault, hormones.
Yeah yeah, keep telling that. But we all know, that it is YOUR fault. The voice retorted and yes, it was her fault. 
With Logan, she was nothing but a walking, talking disaster and he brought the worse in her and the best. 
Self-restraint was not an option when it came to Logan and yes, she had tried to chalk it off with absurd ideas, but, the reality was that she still... She still needed him. Wanted him. 
And then there were hormones, as well. 
"Is he gone?" Stella asked as she sat down with a frown on her lips. 
"Yeah, I think so. You scared him away with all your talk of slumber party and nail polish colors." Alexandra said as she lied down with a tired sigh. She felt already beaten. All the euphoria of being with Logan had evaporated to leave an empty feeling lingering around her. This morbid cloud of darkness hanged over her head and she couldn't help but feel tired all over. "What was that?"
"I didn't know how to make him leave." Stella shrugged. 
"Looked like it worked." Alex said as she stared at the ceiling above her with a hollowed heart. 
She felt like the black cloud over her head was constantly growing in size, shadowing her with its miserable existence and she knew it bad, but she couldn't do nothing about it.
"And what did you do here? I left you for an hour and I come back to this-this mess. Do you know what you are doing to yourself, Alex?" Stella said with a scowl. "Do you? You have always been the sensible one."
She was. She was the one who always took sensible, rational decisions. But where the hell was her rational side when she most needed it? 
"But..." Alex whispered as she looked at Stella. "Okay, okay, I know. It was so wrong." She said as she curled in the bed with a heavy blanket over her. "I don't know, but I wanted. Even knowing it was wrong. I am insane. This is all crazy and I don't want to be crazy. I am not reckless. I have never been and..."
"And still..." Stella shook her head. "You know this is recklessly stupid. I am not judging you, babe, but I am- I am concerned. You are never reckless. I mean, you were not. But then you married a man you barely knew, fell in love with him, got your heart broken for the very first time and it was all too much and now you are-"
"I know, I know. I don't understand myself. I don't know what came over me." She said before she frowned. "And he said... I love you."
"He did?" Stella jumped up from her chair, a hand pressed against her mouth. "Then that changes everything." 
"Does it?" Alex asked with doubt in her voice. 
"So why aren't you with him right now? And why are you in this bed with that morose look on your face?"