Secret Santa Mishaps

                                    

                                          
Requested by musicallover_1706, post endgame christmas
                          
Steve had never felt so miserable about Christmas. 
                          
It didn't feel like a holiday. Not without Natasha. His teammates had tried to cheer him up but it was pointless. 
                          
He did his best to put on a good facade but everyone could see right through it. 
                          
Steve had participated in every team bonding christmas activity Tony hosted and even drew a name for the secret santa they had decided to do. 
                          
It was a great idea until they forgot to take Natasha's name out from the year before. 
                          
Steve's face had gone pale when he read the name and he had to hold back his tears as he sat down quietly, choosing not to tell anyone of the mistake. 
                          
"You alright Steve?" Tony had asked, noticing his sudden change in demeanor. 
                          
Steve nodded weakly. No, he was most certainly not okay. He was heartbroken and lonely. But he wasn't about to admit that to his concerned friends.
                          
After the secret Santa incident, Steve had tried to stay in his room for most of the holiday season. 
                          
He did make Natasha a gift. Although she was no longer there he found that when he worked on it, he felt a little less sad. And he figured he could lay it on her grave out of respect. 
                          
He was making her a picture. It portrayed the moment that he first met Natasha. He left out most of his face but you could see part of his face in the corner of the paper. 
                          
It was focused on her though, the way her lips had twitched up into a small smirk when he referred to her as ma'am, the twinkle she held in her eyes at the excitement of the new team she would be working on, and the barely noticeable lines of worry from her concern about Clint. 
                          
Every stroke of his pencil made him feel just a little bit closer to her, even if she was gone. 
                          
But then he would frown at the painting and realize that he couldn't remember excactly where the small scar on her cheek was. 
                          
Was it on the left or right? Closer to her nose or her ear? The memory of her that he had cherished for so long was becoming fuzzy and it scared the living hell out of him. 
                          
Every time this would happen, he would grab his phone and scroll through the pictures he had of her. Trying to solidify his memory of her appearance. 
                          
"Hey Cap! We're about to start the gift exchange. You ready?" Tony asked, opening the door. 
                          
Tony saw the drawing and gave Steve a small smile, "You alright?" 
                          
Steve nodded, "Yeah, just trying to capture the memory before it gets fuzzy." 
                          
Tony frowned, "You won't forget her Steve. None of us will." 
                          
"Not completely, no. But I'm already forgetting the little things," Steve said sadly, still carefully drawing her eye. 
                          
"Really? Because that looks identical to her. It may as well be a photocopy." 
                          
Steve shrugged, "I had pictures to help me with the small things. But I used to know everything about her like the back of my hand. Not so much anymore." 
                          
Tony sighed, "Don't be too hard on yourself Steve." 
                          
Steve didn't respond as he finished the final touches on his drawing.
                          
"Come on, maybe some spiked eggnog and presents will cheer you up." Tony said. 
                          
Steve nodded and rolled up the drawing before following Tony to the family room.