No# 10

                                    

                                          

"N/N. N/N, are you listening to me? N/N!"
                          
I snapped out of my thoughts to see Topanga staring at me with a worried expression etched across her face.
                          
"I'm sorry, did you say something?"
                          
"I was just saying that the movie for the Time Machine has no comparison to the book. Since, I'm pretty sure that we're the only ones that read it. I thought that you would at least understand where I'm coming from."
                          
I simply nodded at her, once again consumed with my own thoughts.
                          
"What's wrong? You seem distracted," she asked, scooting closer to me on the bench.
                          
"Nothing, I'm just worried about Shawn," I lied.
                          
Well, it wasn't a complete lie. I was worried about him, but I couldn't get my mind off of something else.
                          
"Don't worry, everything will be fine. Mr. Feeny is understanding and can straighten everything out," Topanga said.
                          
As much as she tried to reassure me, I couldn't focus on anything else. The rest of the day dragged on and all I wanted to do was go home and forget everything. So at the end of the day, without telling anyone goodbye, I went home straight away to clear my head.
                          
I didn't have much time by myself when I heard the sound of my doorbell ringing. I groaned to myself. I wasn't expecting anyone and I had no idea who it could've been.
                          
"Shawn," I said, opening my door.
                          
Of course, it was my boyfriend.
                          
"Y/N, we were so worried. It's not like you to just leave without saying anything."
                          
I shrugged and started to walk over to my sofa. I was silent because I had nothing to say to Shawn. Well, I did, but I didn't know how to say it.
                          
"Is everything okay? Is this about the fight? Everything's okay, I didn't even get detention or anything. I-"
                          
I shook my head, trying not to tear up.
                          
"It's not just that. You were fighting, Shawn. You actually put your hands on someone!" I shouted, turning away from him.
                          
"Hey, Crandall had it coming! I know you're a pacifist but-"
                          
"But do you know why?" I cut him off again.
                          
I watched Shawn's expression change to one of irritation to one of confusion.
                          
"No...I-I just thought that you didn't like violence. Like Ghandi or something, I didn't know that there was a reason."
                          
His words were calm and low as he pushed himself closer to me. I felt his hand graze my face as the other gently squeezed my hand.
                          
"Tell me," he said.
                          
I drew in a deep breath, scared of his reaction to what I had to say.
                          
"I haven't been completely honest...there's things that I didn't tell you."
                          
"Like what?"
                          
A single tear fell down my face as I spoke again.
                          
"I...I told you that my mom left my dad when he came back. I made it seem like she just left him for no reason..."
                          
"N/N, I don't understand."
                          
I was near a breakdown, but I had to tell Shawn this part of my story.
                          
"Well, she didn't leave for no reason. When my dad came back, he didn't know how to cope with things so he started drinking. One day, I came home from school and they were yelling in the kitchen. She was trying to get him to calm down, but he was...he was drunk. I...I watched him hit her until she was was bleeding. The next day, her bags were packed and I haven't heard from her since."
                          
Shawn didn't say anything, he just pulled me into a tight hug which was exactly what I needed. I cried as though I had never cried before next to his chest, pulling him closer to me with every tear. I continued when I was able to catch my breath again.
                          
"When he sobered up, I told him what happened and he swore never to touch alcohol again. I swore too and that's why I'm a pacifist, Shawn."
                          
"And seeing me..fighting..brought those memories back for you...I'm sorry," he said, kissing me on the forehead.
                          
It wasn't his fault. It was how he was raised, Shawn had been taught to fight to defend and conquer and I didn't hold it against him. It was just another way that we were different, but I did have my concerns.
                          
"But, why'd she leave you here? What if he did it again? You'd be next!"
                          
I shook my head.
                          
"My dad is a man of his word. He's been clean ever since. I'm proud of him, besides... someone had to stay with him. She chose not to be that person and left it all to me."
                          
Shawn pressed his forehead against mine.
                          
"I will never hurt you,Y/N . And I'm going to make sure that no one else ever does either."
                          
I didn't need him to say anything else. More tears streamed down my face as I pulled him into a deep kiss. In that moment, I knew that we were young, but I didn't care. I just wanted him to stay with me forever. I broke the kiss and laid my head on his chest. Things were peaceful for a moment, until Shawn spoke up again.
                          
"Mr. Feeny wants me to decide if my dad should work at school or not.
                          
My eyes widened as I sat up.
                          
"Shawn, are you serious? What are you going to do? Your dad finally has a real job."
                          
He sighed.
                          
"I don't know. I know that it's taken forever for him to get an actual job, but I don't know if I can deal with the embarrassment everyday."
                          
"Shawn! Your dad needs this, your family needs this! Maybe it isn't about what you want."
                          
I watched at Shawn ran a hand through his brown hair.
                          
"I don't know, but, look, I gotta go. Call you tonight?" He said, turning to leave.
                          
Thinking fast, I quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him into another quick kiss.
                          
"I know that you'll make the right decision," I said to him.
                          
He gave me a weak smile before leaving. I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. Shawn could be problematic, but he was my problem.