*- 28 - If it makes you feel better, please do slap me

                                    

                                          
Tears were streaming down my face and I was very happy that no one was in the room. I sobbed loudly, yet they weren't all sad tears. I read the letter over and over, saving the words in my brain. Why did he have to make it so hard for me to hate him?
                          
The last couple of words kept replaying in my head. I kind of think I'm in love with you. That made me feel so incredibly good, and I knew I shouldn't be feeling like that. The butterflies that I thought had left, just went to sleep for a while, I guess, because they were very much awake whilst reading that sentence. And now I was doubting whether to slaughter them, or let them take over.
                          
He made a mistake and he apologised. He realised what he had done was wrong and he regretted it. What he did was something I wouldn't forget for a very long time, possibly ever, but I could forgive him. He never meant to hurt me. He was incredibly stupid and it would take a long time for me to fully trust him again, but I couldn't cut him out of my life because of this. I loved him too. I hated him for hurting me, but I hated myself even more for still loving him despite what he did.
                          
I was fooling myself when thinking I didn't have any feelings for him anymore. Of course I did, feelings as intense as the ones I had for Fred didn't just go away overnight. They might never really go away.
                          
But what was I supposed to do now with this letter? What was the next step going to be? 
                          
I wiped away the tears and folded the letter neatly. I had to at least go see him. I was far too weak to stay stubborn and ignore the letter he wrote. I couldn't do that. Not only because I knew he was hurting too, but because I would hurt myself by ignoring it. I had been hurt quite enough, I wasn't going to be my own attacker. My heart wanted to go see him, so I had to listen.
                          
So I put the letter away, wiped the tears from my face again and walked out. I walked down the stairs, back up the stairs of the boys' dormitory and swung open the door of Fred's dorm before I could hold myself back. Lee, Fred and George looked up confused.
                          
Fred stood up immediately, his lips slightly parted, worry written in his eyes.
                          
"George, Lee, I need you to sod off for a little while", I said and the two gladly left the dorm. It was quiet for a while, because I didn't know what to say and neither did Fred. He didn't know what I thought of his letter. 
                          
"I'm so sorry, Y/N", he whispered after a good few seconds. Carefully stepping closer. "I regret it so much. If I had a time-turner, I'd use it in a heartbeat, I swear. I never meant to hurt you."
                          
"But did you mean to break that promise?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly. I hated seeing him sad and I just wanted to hug him, but I had to be strong until he had fully explained himself. Fred stepped a little close, careful to respect my boundaries.
                          
"I didn't think it through, I didn't realise how bad of an idea it was at the time. I'm not trying to minimise the situation, but I swear I didn't do any of that to purposely break your trust. I don't want to hurt you, Y/N."
                          
I took a few shaky breaths. He regretted it, he apologised multiple times and he took responsibility. There was nothing more I could ask from him at the moment, so I closed the gap and pulled him into a hug.
                          
"I thought you were going to slap me in the face for a second", Fred whispered, which made me smile unwillingly. Why was he so good at making me smile when I was sad, even when he was the cause?
                          
"I really should. I kind of want to, too", I mumbled. He pulled back slightly and raised his eyebrows.
                          
"Please do. If it makes you feel better, please do slap me. I deserve it completely", he said, turning his head so I had full access to his cheek. I debated for a short second to actually go through with it, but I couldn't take him seriously anymore, so I just pulled him into a hug again. I couldn't help myself. Was it a smart thing to do? Probably not. Was it a mature thing to do? Definitely not, but it was the right thing to do. As soon as I read those last words on his letter, I knew that my heart had taken over. He had reached out and that was the thing I needed. 
                          
Fred buried his head in the crook of my neck and tightened the hug, his fingers slowly tracing circles on the back of my head. 
                          
"I'm so sorry, Y/N, I really am", he whispered again.
                          
"I know", I replied. "I forgive what you did, but it's going to take me a while to trust you again, Fred. I really care about promises and I although I'm not angry at you anymore, I can't just forget about that."
                          
"I understand, I know. I'll win back your trust, I promise", he said. "Sorry, bad choice of words." I chuckled. He didn't even mean to make me smile, but it was just the way he was, his charm. He pulled back a little bit to look me in the eyes.
                          
"I'll try everything in my power to make it up to you and I will never, ever again do something I promised you I wouldn't do", he said. "And that's a promise I won't break", he said. A tear rolled down his cheek. I hadn't ever seen him cry. He was more likely to get angry or show no emotion at all, but right now he was crying. He was being vulnerable and he let me in.
                          
"You better", I said and smiled. I loved him so, so much and maybe that was bad for me, maybe I would get hurt again, but I followed my heart and that was all I could do. My heart lead me to him, where it was the most happy.
                          
"If you put half the effort you put into writing that letter into your homework, maybe you would actually pass", I chuckled, which he grinned at.
                          
"Now where's the fun in that?" I smiled and we kept eye contact for a while, but his smile soon faltered again.
                          
"Can I ask you something?" he said after a while, the smile completely gone from his face. I nodded.
                          
"Can we still go to Hogsmeade together? I was really looking forward to it and I think it would be a good opportunity for me to try and make things right. If you want, of course, I understand if you wouldn't." I looked down and smiled. How could I say no to that? Why couldn't I just hold a grudge for like, at least a month?
                          
"Yeah, that sounds nice", I said, ignoring the overthinking thoughts in my brain. It had to shut up for a little while. I had forgiven Fred and it was no use to linger in the past. If he'd ever do something like that again, I'd throw him down a long set of stairs, but he did deserve a second chance. I was a firm believer in second chances, so I shouldn't doubt it now.
                          
"Did you mean what you said at the end of that letter?" I asked. I looked up again and saw a slight blush on his face. He soon regained his self-assured posture again, his smile turning into a smirk.
                          
"Yes, Y/N Y/L/N, I'm am madly in love with you."
                          
I felt warm inside, happy. I couldn't say it back yet, he had to earn that first, but I knew that I loved him. If not, I wouldn't be here right now. He didn't seem to mind, though, as the smile stayed on his face.
                          
"You fancy hot chocolate in the common room?" he asked once we had broken the hug and I nodded vigorously. I was always up for chocolate.

                          
He opened the door and I walked down the stairs. Waiting downstairs were 5 pairs of eyes, curiously waiting for an explanation.
                          
An applause erupted when we set foot in the common room and Fred bowed dramatically. I rolled my eyes laughing and joined my friends.
                          
"Finally, thank the lord", Angelina said smiling and pulled me into a hug.
                          
"Honestly, I'm so happy we can be friends with the guys again. How did Fred make it up to you?" Katie asked and I briefly told them what had happened. The twins went to get hot chocolate as we gathered in front of the fireplace, enjoying the last bits of weekend.