thirty-four

                                    

                                          
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"Alright, bring the car back in -- good practice." Ryan's crew chief radioed. 
                          
"10-4." Ryan's car veered towards the garage. One practice down, one more to go and then Lydia and Caroline would be at the track. He knew people were still whispering about his statement and he didn't really care -- Lydia and Caroline were his family and he wanted them to be here.
                          
Eventually, Ryan knew that he'd have to address it, introduce her to the garage, so to speak but that wasn't now. Now, Ryan was just going to enjoy getting to spend time with Caroline and focus on getting better, from recovering from the abuse Stacy had inflicted. 
                          
Stacy. It had been over a month since he had broken up with her and he hadn't heard anything from her. That made him a little unsettled -- he had expected something, anything from her. It wasn't like her to just go quietly and Ryan was beginning to worry that she was planning something that would ruin his career. 
                          
Ryan pulled his car into his garage stall, flipping switches to kill the engine. He tugged his gloves off, undoing his belts and HANS device. He climbed out of his car before pulling his helmet off, carding a hand through his hair. 
                          
"Your phone." Alyse handed Ryan his phone. 
                          
Ryan flashed a smile of thanks before tapping his screen awake. His brow furrowed when he noticed that he had a missed call from Lydia and voicemail. His stomach tightened a little but he tried to calm himself down -- telling himself that maybe she had decided to head to the track earlier. 
                          
He clicked on the voicemail, pressing his phone against his ear. 
                          
"Ryan --" Lydia's voice was shaking. "Ryan..." There was another pause and Ryan's stomach twisted, he could tell that something was wrong. When she spoke again, her voice was sharp, almost unrecognizable. "After careful consideration, I've decided that you having a relationship with me and Caroline is a bad idea. I'm going to block your number and any attempts to contact will be met with legal action. Thank you." 
                          
This couldn't be real. He had just seen Lydia a few hours ago and everything was okay. Ryan tapped on Lydia's contact information, clicking the call button and pressing the phone back to his ear. 
                          
The call went right to voicemail. "Lydia." Ryan choked out. "I don't know what's going on but call me back."
                          
He ended the voicemail, listening to the voicemail that Lydia had left for him. His gut told him something was wrong -- something was really wrong. 
                          
He needed to get back to Charlotte, to go to Lydia's house and figure out what was going on. She couldn't be serious -- they were happy, so happy -- this had to be a joke. But a thought crossed Ryan's mind that horrified him -- what if this wasn't a joke, what if there wasn't something wrong. What if Lydia was serious and didn't want him around anymore? It didn't make sense but it wasn't the first time she had run from him. 
                          
Once again, she took the coward's way out -- not even telling him to his face. 
                          
He needed to get to Charlotte. He needed her to tell him that she didn't want him to be a part of their lives anymore to his face. It would utterly destroy him but he still needed to know. He needed her to tell him to his face, to destroy the only good part of his life in front of him to his face. 
                          
But Ryan didn't understand -- why now? Why would she have invited him into their lives, let them tell Caroline that he was her dad and then tell him that she loved him -- well maybe, not directly -- but still. It didn't make sense.
                          
Then Stacy's words came flooding back, "You're nothing, a worthless piece of shit." 
                          
It made sense. Lydia must've figured out it out, figured out that he was worthless, a weak man. He thought that he had been better, he thought that he was making progress. And now he felt like any bit of progress he made had been ripped out from him. He needed to get to Charlotte, to figure out what was going on. Maybe he could find something to say that would change her mind.
                          
"Hey man." Chase's voice rang in his ears. 
                          
Ryan looked up, trying to figure out what to say. He was trying to keep himself together -- to not break down in front of everybody. But his chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. 
                          
This couldn't be real. It just couldn't. She couldn't do this to him. 
                          
"Ryan." Chase's hand gripped his bicep. "What's going on?"
                          
"I need to get back to Charlotte. Something's wrong. I --" Ryan choked out.
                          
"With Elle?" Chase offered. 
                          
Ryan shook his head. "I got this voicemail. Lydia -- she said that she doesn't want me to be apart of Caroline's life and I --" Ryan's voice cracked as he struggled to contain the tears that were rushing to his eyes. "Stacy was right, I'm worthless -- and now, Lydia figured it out. And now, I have nothing. Maybe because I am nothing." The last part came out as a whisper. The heat of embarrassment rushed to his face when he realized who he was talking to.
                          
He couldn't bear to make eye contact with Chase. He hadn't meant to unload but it had practically tumbled out of his mouth. A sarcastic comment from Chase was the last thing that Ryan needed but he braced himself for whatever it was that Chase had to say.
                          
"Let's go." Chase's voice was low. 
                          
"What?" Ryan had no idea what Chase was talking about and it certainly wasn't what he was expecting to hear.
                          
"I flew up here and if we move fast enough, we can be back in time for final practice." Ryan's eyes flew up to Chase's -- of all people, Chase was the last person he expected to offer any help. Chase was impossibly stubborn and Ryan knew that Chase had been hurt by his forced isolation and Ryan hadn't even begun to explain what had happened or given an explanation. 
                          
"You'd do that for me?" Ryan sputtered out. 
                          
"Of course." Chase flashed a weak smile, moving towards the garage's exit. "I've always been here, man."
                          
"Right." Ryan chewed on his lip. He wanted to tell Chase exactly what had happened and he would soon -- Chase deserved it. But as they walked towards the motorhome lot to whatever rental car Chase had, his mind snapped back to Lydia -- his stomach twisting. 
                          
He had no idea what he was going to say to Lydia, no idea how he was going to fix it. Ryan glanced over at Chase, grateful that he at least had a chance. 
                          
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