24. Things are Gonna Change

                                    

                                          
Spov
                          
i look through the mirror and see sam sleeping. i couldn't be a worse parent i know it's my fault i'm never there for her, i never got to know her. i know my parents were divorced and i promised myself that i would always give my kids everything they needed. sam did have everything. well everything, except for my attention.  On the other hand, what am i gonna do? cari is going to leave. i need to make everything right. i can't go through this again. i can't do it again. sam was my first child, and i've been making the worst mistakes. i know i wanna talk about cari and i's relationship but i just can't. it's not just the two of us. we're five. we've been through a lot, all of us. i made another promise and that was to have my family. to protect them. but i haven't been doing that. i can't lose my family again. and i have to try my best to keep it. cari and i aren't good at the moment but i love her. that has to be enough to encourage me to keep my promises. 
                          
Cpov
                          
i came back to my apartment with the kids. it's hard, trying to make things right with shannon. things have felt so irrelevant. i'm focusing on the kids and that's how it should be, but at the same time i need to try and figure my life out. i'm young with two kids of my own and a stepchild with a dog. sam is a smart kid no doubt of that, but you never know what can happen. shannon barely knows things about her and she's her biological mother, but again she didn't live with her. god knows what am i gonna do with two of them, but i'm excited at the same time. they're gonna have different personalities. they are already different in lots of ways. i want to see them grow. see me grow with them, with shannon. i've always seen her in my future. but it scares me sometimes i know i blame my family for everything that has happened, but i know it's mine. if i didn't get with shannon everything that has happened wouldn't have happened. even if there have been lots of things in between the two of us i will still fight for her. now that i know that she still loves me after everything i've done she would too. 
                          
"why are you crying." i look up and see shannon sitting next to me. "nothing." i look down wiping some tears. "you sure." she asks lifting my chin. "yeah." "i know your lying." i chuckle "i'm scared." i tell her and she hugs me. "tell me." i love how comforting she is and how she will always listen to me. "about everything.. i don't want to leave you. i want you to be with aiden and cam but i don't want you to be close to my family."  i feel her plant a kiss on my head. "don't worry about me. worry about you and the kids i'll find my way." i hug her like it was the last time. "where are they anyway." "in their cribs sleeping finally. they were awake all night." we laugh. "how's sam." "she's alright, she told me she left her inhaler here, that's why i came actually." i stand up and grab it for her. but when  i come back i hear cries again. i go to shannon but she wasn't in the living room. i look for her and hear the cries go away. i look in the nursery and see shannon handling cam. 
                          
"what is it with the women in this house, you all cry." i laugh at her comment. "i'll pretend i didn't hear that." i say entering the nursery. "you know what?" "what." "let's go on a vacation" "what." i'm kinda confused. "yeah lets go on a vacation, you choose where i'll do the rest." "shannon but the kids." "i know i want an excuse to be we with them before you leave." i look at her with sad eyes. i want everything to be less complicated, but she can't go with me. "ok" she comes toward me with cam still in her arms "look i'll figure it out." she kisses the top of my head. "i know." 
                          
we're in the living room watching a movie when shannons phone rings. "it's sam." she answers. "what's up.. i'm with cari....ok...yeah just tell just tell one of your auntie's.. ok be careful and i'll pick you up so be ready, we're going out....i love you" she hangs up.  "what was it." "she still feels bad of what she did so she's going to joanna's." "so you already met your future daughter in law." she gives me a look. "what." "she's still a baby." "she will grow shannon and you never know i think jo has a lil crush on your daughter." "we'll see." i laugh at her reaccion.