Secrets of the Past

                                    

                                          
Requested by hannahRivera516 Natasha was secretly a Hydra agent and admits it to Steve. 
                          
Everything happened so quickly. Natasha had been doing everything she could to make sure it didn't happen. 
                          
Steve couldn't love her. Just like she couldn't love him. She didn't deserve him...she didn't deserve any of the avengers. It was bad enough that they all trusted her so willingly. 
                          
Normally, she prided herself on being completely impenetrable when it came to willpower, but not when it came to Steve. 
                          
So many times, she found herself wanting to crack. To just give in to her feelings and let Steve in. 
                          
It was painfully obvious that he was in love with her, which made Natasha regret most of her past decisions. 
                          
But even with this knowledge, she tried to keep from falling further in love. It was better to never get his hopes up then to let him think they had a chance. 
                          
Her plan was working until they had ended up alone in his room. 
                          
She had just been going to drop off a mission file, but then he invited her in for a drink, and frankly, she couldn't resist. 
                          
Honestly, Natasha couldn't really remember what happened next...somehow, they ended up making out on his couch. 
                          
She should've stopped it, pulled away when he had given her the chance, but she didn't. Because his lips were addicting, and she couldn't seem to get enough of him. 
                          
Eventually she came to her senses and rolled off of him, her hands going to her hair in an act of instant guilt, "Shit. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you Steve." 
                          
Steve frowned and stood up, "I wanted you too Natasha." 
                          
Natasha shook her head grabbing her coat and walking towards the door, "No, Steve you don't understand. I can't do this to you." 
                          
"Do what Natasha?" Steve asked, standing between her and the door, "If I don't understand then explain it to me. Why can't this happen? Clearly we both want it." 
                          
Natasha shook her head, "I can't." 
                          
Steve frowned, "Why not?" 
                          
Natasha tried to push past Steve, knowing that this conversation wouldn't end well, "Because I'd rather you be confused then hate me. Now let me leave Rogers." 
                          
Steve's face softened but he still didn't move, "Natasha I could never hate you. And I'm not letting you leave." 
                          
"You say that now, but you will. And I can't live knowing you hate me." 
                          
Steve gently lifted Natasha's chin, "I couldn't hate you if I wanted to Nat. You know why?" 
                          
Natasha shook her head, her throat welling with tears, "Please don't say it Steve." 
                          
"I love you." 
                          
Natasha shook her head, "You shouldn't Steve. You deserve so much more than me." 
                          
Steve frowned and reached out to hold her hand, "Why?" 
                          
Natasha shook her head, "Because I'm not who you think I am Steve. I'm not the dedicated Shield agent who has been loyal for nearly ten years." 
                          
Steve frowned, "What do you mean?" 
                          
Natasha sighed, she owed him the truth. Even if it did mean he would hate her. 
                          
"Before I joined the Avengers...before I met you, I was working with Hydra-" Natasha paused, watching his face fall and then looking down in shame, "Not many people knew. Only the highest ranking people. I was a fucking traitor Steve. And then I met you, and the rest of the team and none of you blinked twice when you found out I used to be KGB." 
                          
Steve stayed silent, frowning as he listened to Natasha. She continued, "Then you had to be the most trusting, good hearted man I've ever met. I left Hydra and threatened to leak all the information on them if they told anyone that I had been apart of it." 
                          
"When did you leave them?" Steve asked quietly. 
                          
Natasha sighed, "Right after the battle in New York. I realized that the Avengers were something I could be apart of without feeling guilty." 
                          
"What about when we fought Hydra? Why didn't they reveal you?" 
                          
Natasha sighed, "Everyone who knew I was apart of it was already dead. Clint and I had been working to shut them down for years before you and I did it." 
                          
Steve nodded, "So Clint knows?" 
                          
Natasha nodded, "He's the only one who knows...besides you." 
                          
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Steve asked. 
                          
"Like I said, I didn't want you to hate me," Natasha said, starting towards the door again.  
                          
Steve frowned and he grabbed her arm gently, "Natasha I don't hate you." 
                          
Her face softened, "Why not?" 
                          
Steve pulled her towards him, "Because I fell in love with Natasha. Not Agent Romanoff. And I know you. Hydra is apart of your past just like the Red Room is." 
                          
Natasha frowned, melting into Steve's touch against her own accord, "I don't deserve you." 
                          
Steve lifted his chin and rested his forehead on hers, "You deserve the world Nat. Please don't push me away anymore." 
                          
Natasha's voice was quiet. She was in utter shock at Steve's response to her secret. Even after all this, he still wanted to be with her, "I don't know if I have the willpower to," She admitted. 
                          
Steve smiled softly, "In that case, can I kiss you?" 
                          
Natasha nodded, "I'm sure as hell not about to stop you." 
                          
Steve chuckled and he kissed her softly. 
                          
Natasha melted into the kiss, her hand resting on his cheek delicately while her arm wrapped around his neck. 
                          
Maybe she didn't deserve him...
                          
Maybe he should've been more upset with her...
                          
And maybe what they were doing was completely wrong. 
                          
But if it was wrong then why the hell did it feel so damn right? 
                          
If Steve really didn't care about her last, Natasha would let him kiss her for as long as he wanted. 
                          
She was willing to put her heart on a limb for him, especially after the utter faith and trust he had in her. Even knowing she hadn't always deserved it. 
                          
"Natasha?" Steve whispered when they finally pulled apart. 
                          
"Hm?" She hummed, her breathing heavy. 
                          
"I love you. And I want to to be with you all the time. I know you don't think you deserve me, but can you give me a chance to prove you wrong?" He asked, brushing her hair from her face. 
                          
Natasha smiled, "Is that your way of asking me on a date Rogers?" 
                          
Steve laughed and nodded, "Yeah it is."
                          
Natasha grinned and kissed him lightly again, "Then yes. I will go out with you...and I love you too." 
                          
Smiling, Steve lifted Natasha up and carried her to the couch, ignoring her protest as he did so. 
                          
"What the fuck are you doing?" Natasha yelled, laughing when he tossed her onto the cushions. 
                          
Steve smiled, "I was about to kiss you...any objections?" 
                          
Natasha shook her head, rolling her eyes, "I hate you."
                          
Steve grinned, "You just said you loved me." 
                          
Laughing slightly, Natasha pulled Steve down to her, kissing him slowly, "You're right. I definitely do." 
                          
Hey guys. I hope you all enjoyed this. It's not super angsty bc I honestly cannot make Natasha that bad of a person bc I love her to death. 
                          
But I tried to stick to the request the best I could😅
                          
Like always, please comment and vote if you enjoyed!