twenty-one

                                    

                                          
The day goes by quickly. Kelly and I fill our backpacks with only the bare minimum needed for survival. We won't be able to travel quickly enough if we are weighted down and he assures me that once we reach the safe house, they'll have everything we need.
                          
"Everything we need for what?" I ask.
                          
"Whatever comes next," he replies.
                          
I can't help but wonder what that is exactly. All decisions are being made in the immediate. I want to ask what the long term plan is, but part of me suspects there isn't one.
                          
During lunch in the cafeteria, I keep my eyes peeled for Lex and Wyler. Neither of them makes an appearance. Kelly has promised that they will both join us at the safe house eventually, but that they won't be able to travel with us. He says it's too risky. The more people we have, the more likely we are to be spotted. I try to put up a fight, but I can tell it's not going to work. 
                          
Despite the fact that Wyler will be meeting us at the safe house, I still feel the need to talk to him before we leave. I want to know what it was he wanted to tell me. What if he doesn't make it to where we're going? What if Environettix finds him before he can get there? It has also occurred to me that Kelly could be lying. What if Wyler knows nothing about this plan and I never see him again? Whether his feelings for me are real or imagined, I can't bare the idea of never seeing him again, without resolving things between us.
                          
I want to go off on my own and try to find Wyler and Lex, but Kelly won't let me out of his sight. Orders from Ivanov, he claims. I decide I'm just going to have to believe him. I am giving him my trust unequivocally, that is, until he breaks it, like Wyler did. Even if we do make it out of this whole mess, I don't know if Wyler will ever be able to earn back my trust. That is, if he even wants to earn it back.
                          
I decide I have to find out the answer to that question, as well as several others, before we leave. Just as I'm plotting a plan to slip away from Kelly for a bit and look for Wyler, I catch a break. Dr. Ivanov calls Kelly to his office for a last minute briefing. Kelly instructs me to wait for him in his room and I let him believe that I will do as he says. Once he's gone, I head off to find Wyler. In the halls, I ask a few people I bump into if they've seen him. I'm not sure if they'll know who I'm talking about, but to my surprise, they do. It seems like he's pretty well known around here. I have to keep reminding myself that he's one of them. He used to live here before he became my "friend."
                          
A girl with a bleach blonde pixie cut directs me to an area on the opposite side of the building where she says Wyler is staying. She offers to show me and takes me straight to his room.
                          
"Thanks," I say as I stand outside his door. The girl turns to leave and I'm left alone with my nerves, which are taking over, making me question everything. Now that I've found him, I'm starting to wonder whether this is a wise idea. Why can't I just follow directions for once and do what Kelly told me to do? I stand there for several minutes before I finally come to my senses and realize that this is a terrible idea. But as I turn to leave, I bump straight into Wyler who is returning to his room, from where, I don't know.
                          
"Ever? What are you doing here?" he asks, genuinely surprised to see me at his door. He looks around as if someone is watching him.
                          
"We need to talk," I say. I thought he would be more excited to see me, but he seems...I don't know...different. His demeanor towards me has changed.
                          
"Not here." He takes me by the elbow, leads me into his room and shuts the door behind us, all the while looking over his shoulder like he's being followed. 
                          
His room is bland and bare, nothing like Kelly's. I sit down on his bed and motion for him to come sit next to me, but he shakes his head, no.
                          
"I'm good here," he says, leaning up against the wall. It's as if he's trying to stay as far away from me as possible when just earlier today, he was so close, he was practically on top of me. Something's off. He's being so...cold.
                          
"I thought we could finish our conversation from earlier." I try to ignore his odd behavior and stay focused on the reason why I came to speak with him.
                          
"What's there to finish?"
                          
Is he kidding me right now? What's wrong with him?
                          
"You said you had something to tell me," I remind him.
                          
"Oh, yeah, well, it's nothing. It's not important." He runs his hand through his hair and stares down at his feet.
                          
"Why won't you look at me?" I say, standing up and crossing the room to close the distance between us. Now it's me who has him cornered. He looks down at me and we stare at one another for what feels like an eternity before I can't take it any longer.
                          
"What's wrong with you?" I ask, breaking the silence. "Why are you acting so...weird?"
                          
"I'm not acting weird," he responds in an irritated voice. "And are you even allowed to be here? Shouldn't you be with Kelly?" He seems pissed.
                          
"What is it with you two? Why do you hate each other so much?"
                          
"We don't hate each other." 
                          
"Yeah right," I roll my eyes incredulously.
                          
"Why? What did he say? Did he tell you something?" He steps closer and I can feel his anger.
                          
"No. Tell me what?" I search his eyes to try and figure out what it is he isn't saying. Then as if he suddenly realized he was too close to me, he takes a step back. His anger dissipates as quickly as it came.
                          
"Nothing. Never mind. Look Ever, I really don't think it's a good idea for you to be here," he whispers and looks around again.
                          
"What are you looking at?"
                          
"What? Nothing." He knows I've busted him, but for what, I don't know, and he clearly doesn't want to tell me.
                          
"Okay, fine," I say, raising my voice. He motions for me to quiet down. His attitude is infuriating. How can he be so hot and cold towards me? Is this all part of the game?
                          
"I just thought you should know that I'm leaving tomorrow...with Kelly," I blurt out, tired of this back and forth, hoping that the last part will get a reaction.
                          
"Okay," he says, as if he doesn't care.
                          
"We're headed to a safe house. Kelly said you and Lex can come too, but not with us," I offer up the information even though he didn't ask. "Environettix is on their way here. To find me," I emphasize, since the seriousness of this situation seems to be lost on him.
                          
He says nothing and looks down again.
                          
"Okay," I say, stepping backwards. "I just thought you might want to know, but it's obvious you could care less." I move towards the door, ready to bolt. But my anger gets the best of me and I turn to him and yell, "Why did you pretend earlier that you care about me when obviously you don't? Did you not mean those things you said before? Is this all just a game to you?" I feel like I'm on the verge of tears, but luckily, my anger is overriding any other feelings and I'm able to stay strong, at least for a few moments more.
                          
"That's not it," he says quietly. He reaches out and grabs my hand. My skin immediately tingles from his touch. Electricity course through my body. I can't help but wonder if he feels it too, but just as quickly as he grabbed my hand, he lets go and runs his hand through his hair. I know him well enough to know he does this when he's thinking hard about something or when he's frustrated or embarrassed.
                          
"Then what?" I ask, pleading with my words for him to tell me what's going on.
                          
"I...it's just..."
                          
"What? What is it?"
                          
"Good luck Ever," he says stone cold. But the look in his eyes doesn't match his words. His eyes are watery, as if he might cry. I want to go to him, but I can't. His words cut deep, and I feel like I'm going to lose it.
                          
"Good luck? Good luck! Are you kidding me right now?!" I throw my hands in the air, exhausted by this emotional rollercoaster. He doesn't respond and instead turns his head away so that he doesn't have to look at me.
                          
"Fine, I give up," I say, storming out of his room and down the hall. 
                          
I'm so stupid! What was I thinking he would say? Kelly was right. I shouldn't have gone to see him. Kelly. Oh no! I need to get back before he notices I'm gone. The last thing I need is to have to explain why I, not only can't follow directions, but am a glutton for punishment, seeking out Wyler when it's clear that I mean nothing to him. I really was just a job.