Chapter thirty-seven

                                    

                                          
At the sound of my alarm, I reach over blindly, feeling around my beside table for my phone to turn it off. I yawn widely and sit up, rubbing my face tiredly and finally opening my eyes. 
                          
I glance over at the screen to check the time, and the corners of my mouth lift up into a smile when I see the number of texts Billie had left for me. 
                          
Each sweeter than the last, I hadn't even realized I was crying until I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I write out my reply and reluctantly pull myself out of bed to get ready for the day. 
                          
Torn between making a good impression and wanting to be comfortable for the day, I finally decide to care about my appearance and select a pair of jeans. Baggy ones, but still.
                          
Dressed and ready to go, I begin the walk to school. I had never gotten around to taking my drivers test, and there's no bus stop near where I live, so at least for now I'll be going everywhere on foot.
                          
After a fifteen minute journey, the tall grey building rises into view, making nerves erupt in the pit of my stomach. My steps falter just outside the double doors and I take a deep breath, bracing myself. 
                          
Stop being so nervous, I mentally chide myself it's not like you've never been here before. 
                          
I throw open the doors with newfound confidence that immediately disappears when hundreds of eyes fall on me. 
                          
Students of all years are brought to a stop at the sound my entrance. I expect everyone to resume on their way after a second or so, and they do, until a voice sounds from somewhere amongst the mass of bodies.
                          
"That's Billie Eilish's girlfriend!"
                          
Murmurs of agreement spread across the crowd and I know it I'm surrounded, everyone shouting out questions at me. 
                          
"We're not dating." I lie, trying to diffuse the situation. 
                          
"But you were seen together on tour." A voice refutes and I scowl. 
                          
"Yeah! What was that like?" Another chimes in, encouraging a bombard of questions to follow. 
                          
I try to push my way past, ignoring their questions and focusing on my feet. More questions are yelled in my direction, louder this time, but thankfully no one makes a move to stop me. 
                          
After a while, they all realize that I won't be telling them any scandal worthy news, and bit by bit, the group disappears until only one person is left, grinning at me brightly when I approach my old locker. 
                          
"Erin!" Mia squeals, engulfing me in a warm hug. 
                          
Taken by surprise, I awkwardly pat her back, not really sure how to react. My lack of response doesn't dampen her mood and she pulls away, beaming.
                          
"I missed you so much! How are you doing?" She asks, her smile looking as if it was permanently etched onto her face.
                          
She missed me?
                          
The idea of being missed by Mia was definitely strange, considering we had never been that close. 
                          
When my best friend Allie and I fought just before the start of our senior year, it seemed to me that Mia had been more than ready to take her place even though we didn't really get along. Even though Mia was a lovely person, and I was grateful to have someone like her to fall back on, all of our conversations were just surface level, meaningless chatter. It took a lot of energy to think of things to say. 
                          
"I'm doing good," I finally say, "it's good to be back home."
                          
She nods her head in understanding even though every word out of my mouth had been a lie. 
                          
"We should totally hang out, I'll text you?"
                          
"Sure," I agree with a quick smile and excuse myself, mumbling something about having to get to class. 
                          
Walking into the science lab, I was immediately greeted by some acquaintances of mine. 
                          
It felt nice to settle back in to my usual routine, but it had only been a day since I last spoke to Billie and that was already too long. 
                          
I tried to focus my attention on the lesson, but I had landed back into class in the middle of exam season and the stress was already getting to me. It felt as though every time the teacher finished her sentence an "This will be on the test!" was added to the end of it.
                          
I'm really starting to regret not starting my study sooner. 
                          
                          ____________
                          
Walking into the cafeteria later that day was absolutely mental, and I could feel eyes burning into the back of my head wherever I went. 
                          
I swear, every time I checked my phone someone was looking over my shoulder at the screen, presumably to see if I was texting Billie. I really needed to get away from this stupid place. 
                          
But then again, it was hard to look forward to the end of school when I knew a shift at the café would be waiting for me.
                          
And I still had to talk to my parents. 
                          
Mia's blonde curls bounced into view once again, but this time I was grateful for the distraction.
                          
"Erin, there you are! Come on, you can have lunch with me and my friends."
                          
Taking me by the hand, I was dragged off over to a table over the other side of the room. I sat down beside her as she introduced me to her friends, smiling at those I knew and shaking hands with those I didn't. 
                          
The table lapsed into comfortable conversation, but their voices blended together into a distant hum when my attention was suddenly caught by the sight of a couple across the room. 
                          
My ex best friend, Allie and my ex boyfriend, Sam.


                          
A/N: Okay so I literally wrote almost half a chapter the other day and now it's just gone ?? Like there's nothing written in the part even though I was bordering on 600 words. Maybe I'm just an idiot and accidentally deleted it but either way I'm so frustrated and I'm trying to recreate what I wrote but it's not going well.
                          
Anyway lmao, thank you all so much for reading!
                          
Much love, Isabel 💕