39 | Through the Storm

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"And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."

- Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami

Sunday, July 6, 2008

There's a knock on my bedroom door, but I don't bother moving a millimeter. The door opens, and Sergius steps in.

"Who said you could enter?"

"Natsu. How long are you going to stay in bed?"

"Until I get thirsty," I reply, not looking away from the book resting in front of me.

Sergius sighs. "Have you eaten?"

I don't respond.

"You need to eat." He pauses, presumably waiting for me to get up. "Nina made miso soup." He waits again. "I think you should see a psychologist."

That gets me. I shoot upright in bed and finally look at him. "No."

"It's with IVA, so it's confidential. They've done this before; you're not the first."

"I don't need anyone." I'm fine. As long as I stay here and don't move—don't think—I'll be fine.

"Natsu," Sergius steps further in, closes the door, then sits on my bed. "You were in denial until we hooked Dawn up to the heart monitor. Nina is torn to pieces after you yelled at her."

Not my fault. She wouldn't leave me alone. She wouldn't stop prying.

"You can't run away from this, Natsu. You're hurting yourself and the people around you."

"Get out." I lie back down and prop up my book. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Now, you're repressing the fact that it happened at all."

"Go away."

The old man stays put for some seconds more before standing up and leaving. I'm alone again. As I should be.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

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Saturday, July 12, 2008

I bite into a piece of bread but can't chew it. It's a dirty, wet sponge in my mouth. It ends up spit out into the trash. Sergius walks into the kitchen. "I still want you to go to school. You're enrolled. Everything is paid for. Just show up for classes." Getting no response, Sergius continues. "Emina has the cat."

"What cat?"

"Dawn's cat."

I stare at him. "You should have put it in a shelter."

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