Fröken mamma

                                    

                                          
the air felt thick all of a sudden.
my hands trembled.
                          
My hands wouldn't let go of the grip they held on my hair.
                          
"Where the hell are you zach?" I spoke looking at his phone that lay in the school parking lot.
                          
"I really wish I knew he usually would tell me if he was going to disappear." Gabbie spoke as she stood beside me before picking up the phone.
                          
"It's his alright." she sighed.
                          
I snatched it from her hand and unlocked it. I scrolled through his notifications.
                          
surprisingly there was a lot of missed messages.
from kay, Justin, Thomas ,Gabbie, his mother , his brother and myself.

                          
"What the hell?" 
Thousands of thoughts shuffled in my head. 
                          
Did I really drive him away?
                          
_
                          
I sat in Zach's house infront of Ryan. He could maybe help.
                          
I didn't know ryan all too well he seemed a little shut off from the world but more open than his older brother.
                          
we never talked but he knew I was Zach's boyfriend.
                          
"Do you know where Zach is?"
                          
"no. He was upset a few days ago and came home to tell us he would be gone awhile. Mom told him not to go."
                          
"He didn't hint about any friends he would be staying with?"
                          
"No but I heard him over the phone. I don't think he's feeling well latley." ryan sighed aloud. "Gosh I just wish he would let us in. Why does he let you and not me?"
                          
it felt tense as ryan stared at me. For his age he had matured A lot. At the moment I felt like I was speaking to an adult.
                          
"I don't know. All I know is that we love eachother.. We have been through hell and back and-"
                          
"Bullshit!" Ryan interrupted. " I've been through more with him. For fucks sake he's my brother!"
                          
"It's easier opening up to someone that isn't your family he probably thought he would disappoint you." 
                          
Ryan's eyes became teary and he wiped his eyes. Suddenly he got up and ran to his room. I've never felt so terrible.
                          
my body felt immense amounts of pity.

                          
_
in the midst of the night a unknown number woke jack up from his slumber.
                          
"i nee-d you to c-ome over I d-dont want to be alone." Ryan's voice said shakingly through the phone.
                          
"I'm on my way." I replied quickly. Sure I didn't really know ryan but he was Zach's brother therefore I should care for him.

                          
when I stepped infront of the herron household sirens blared and people walked in and out of the house. 
                          
my eyes went wide seeing the amount of cops and the ambulance.
I dropped to my knees when a few men walked out with a black bag that held a body.
                          
a scream broke from my throat as my world stopped. 
                          
my everything was gone. I shook uncomfortably as sobs shook my body. I felt as if I couldn't breathe as I screamed aloud. A few officers rushed to be trying to comfort me but I turned it out.
                          
Nothing mattered anymore
                          
nothing.
                          
Hands shook my But I kept my eyes shut. I never wanted to open them in a world without Zach.
                          
they kept shaking me and shaking me.
                          
my eyes opened as I stared in shock. Zach had his hands on my shoulder he was speaking but I couldn't hear him.
                          
It took minutes that felt like hours before I could hear again and process what he was saying.
                          
"Jack what the fuck happened?! Are you okay?!" zach questioned worried.
                          
I slowly nodded before grabbing him tightly.he held me back confused. "I...I thought that was you.." I admitted.
                          
"honey I'm right here." He replied holding me. "It's..my mother." Zach said quietly.
"Depression runs in the family." Was all he said as his body began to shake with quiet sobs he hid his face in my neck.
                          
I help him closer "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry."
                          
ryan stumbled out of the house as his face was covered red with tears and snot. He dropped to the floor beside us joining our hug on the floor.
                          
The three of us sobbed to eachother for a very long time.
                          
_
                          
Zach tried his hardest to stay strong for his brother after his mother's suicide but ryan didn't seem to need him to do it.
                          
Ryan was better at handling these things then his brother thought. 
                          
this was the second funeral jack had attended for the herron family. Zach was by his side struggling not to break down while all eyes stared at him.
                          
Zach planted a kiss on his mother's cheek before retreating back to his place.
                          
Zach had never held jacks hand for so long.
                          
during the 'celebration of life' party jack and Zach sat alone at a table watching people interact.
                          
"What's going to happen now?" I asked shyly.
                          
"ryan and I are moving into my aunts house. It's down the street." He replied staring at the wall infront of himself. He gave jacks hand a gentle squeeze.

                          
"Things are gonna get better for you." I said suddenly.
                          
"I know." He lied. I knew he was.
                          
_
                          
the Sun faded as Zach stood beside his boyfriend at their favorite dock. Zach looked down at the water a sad look on his face.
                          
"I want to be with you. I love you zach." 
                          
"I know you do." zach sighed aloud.
                          
Zach picked up the bouquet of flowers we brought and tied them to the balloons we brought. He let it go as it floated away.




                          
"I love you momma." zach whispered watching the flowers float with the balloons.
                          
________________________

                          
we pulling in for a ending soon.