risk

                                    

                                          
the cool autumn air blew the dead leaves across the sidewalk. the sound of them crunching under my boots was drowned out by the music playing through my headphones. i hugged fiddled with my thumbs inside my hoodie pocket as i made my way to his house. 
                          
this was it. this was when i was going to finally admit everything to my best friend. the chance of it ruining everything was very high, but the small chance of it becoming more made my heart race. the slight feeling of hope was the only thing that gave me enough confidence.
                          
i took a deep breath as i raised my knuckles to his door. i closed my eyes tightly before knocking on the wooden door. there was a little bit of commotion from inside until it swung open revealing him.
                          
he rubbed his eyes tiredly as he held back a yawn, "y/n, what are you doing here?" confusion filled his tired eyes as he looked me up and down. 
                          
"um," i cleared my throat and looked down at my feet, "i really need to talk to you." 
                          
"oh," he said pushing his brows together. 
                          
"i mean if you're busy or whatever it's fine. it's not that big of a deal." i shrugged and bit my lip nervously. i instantly felt stupid for showing up to his house out of the blue. 
                          
"no," he shook his head, "no it's fine, come in." he said opening the door wider as he stepped to the side letting me walk in. 
                          
i followed him up the stairs and to his bedroom. no one seemed to be home, so the silence between us was deafening. 
                          
"are you okay?" he asked laughing lightly, a tad bit of concern was laced in his tone. 
                          
"yea, well for now anyway." i mumbled softly. 
                          
"what's going on y/n?" he asked sitting down on the edge of his bed. 
                          
"shawn, i've been wanting to tell you this for a while, but i didn't want you to get mad or upset." i said shaking my head as i avoided his eyes. 
                          
"are you pregnant?" he asked shocked. 
                          
"what? no." i said looking up at him quickly, i was shocked that he would even ask such a question. 
                          
"okay good, i'm too tired to beat somebody's ass." he said trying to make me laugh. 
                          
i wanted to, but my anxious nerves were preventing me from even smiling. he caught onto this and coughed awkwardly as he leaned back onto his arms. he watched me intensely as he waited for me to spit out my words.
                          
"look, lately i've realized something that i think i've always felt in a way. i know we've been friends for years, but it's just..." i trailed off as my eyes landed on a photo of shawn and i that was placed on his dresser. 
                          
we were standing on the beach. he had his arms wrapped around me as he rested his head in the crook of my neck. i was laughing very hard and the wind that blew my hair back made the smile visible on my face. 
                          
"it's just what?" he asked standing up and stepping in front of me. this caused me to break out of my trance and try to remember what i was saying. his eyes searched for an expression, but i had gone numb. 
                          
if i didn't do this i could regret it, but if i did i could regret it even more. 
                          
"i'm in love with you," his face softened as he pushed his brows together. shock took over his expression as he stumbled back. i swallowed hard as he turned away from me. he ran his fingers through his hair nervously.
                          
"i knew i shouldn't of told you. i'm so stupid," i shook my head and sighed, "i'm sorry. just forget what i said." 
                          
i turned on my heel, and prepared myself to bolt out of his house. just as i was about to start running, his hand wrapped around my arm causing me to turn around to face him. 
                          
the feeling of his hand on my skin caused my skin to burn, chills ran down my spine. 
                          
"you have no idea how long i've wanted to hear you say that" he said as his lips curved slightly. 
                          
"wait, what?" i asked in total shock. 
                          
"i thought i made it pretty obvious that i had a huge crush on you back in middle school," he rubbed his neck nervously, "and then in high school i knew it was more than that. i just never said anything because i didn't think the timing was right, or that you would ever feel the same." shawn confessed making my heart beat even faster.
                          
his hand cupped my cheek. his eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips. i nodded my head slightly signaling for him to kiss me. he smiled softly before placing his plump lips on mine. the feeling was enough to make my knees weak, and instantly crave more. 
                          
my hands wandered up to his hair as he deepened the kiss. our lips molded together perfectly for what felt like hours. we both pulled away breathlessly. his forehead rested against mine as the smile on his face widened.
                          
"i waited way too long to do that." he said brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. 
                          
"well don't wait too long for the next one." i said smiling softly. his smile reappeared on his lips before he kissed me once more.
                          
i'm glad i took the risk.