déjà vu

                                    

                                          
Jane
                          
"You know what's the best way to get a man's attention?" Eva amused as she filled her mouth with pasta while intentionally dripping the cheese out of her mouth. "Fill your mouth with extra cheese pasta and that will make him imagine it as his cûm." I giggled and shook my head at her silliness. Like usual, we're at the diner across office having lunch. 
                          
"Why're you here when you should be with your husband making arrangements for your wedding anniversary?" I asked as I took a bite of my salad. Apparently, Today is supposed to be her wedding anniversary and she's here spreading her knowledge in seducing a man. 
                          
"Guess what? I've got planners for this." She said and leaned in while bracing herself against the table, "let's not talk about me, yeah? so.....how was your trip?" She wiggled her brows suggestively.
                          
I knew she'd ask me. She was more excited than me for this whole trip thing. Like I said she had been trying to matchmaking me with Leo since the day I told her about our pretend relationship. Her keen interest towards our pretend relationship hadn't been withheld. 
                          
"The things went intimate, Like seriously intimate." I blurted since there was no place to hide anything from her. 
                          
Her eyes went round as saucer. Shock was evident in her face. "Oh.my.god. You guys are now finally together ." She exclaimed. "Thank god, I won't have to tolerate the sexual tension between you two anymore." 
                          
"No, we aren't together." I felt a sting in my heart as the words came out of my mouth . Eva's face dropped and she wasn't pleased by the information. "I mean..he hasn't yet talk about the thing between us and seriously I don't even know if he's determined to do it since it's normal for him to sleep around with women." 
                          
Eva shook her in disapproval and put her hand over mine across the table, "I don't think it's true. I mean he's definitely waiting for the right time to confess his feelings for you. And for the sleeping part, I get it he often do this with different women but he doesn't look at any of them the way he looks at you. He treats you like his queen." 
                          
I scoffed, "That's called acting, Eva. He treats me differently because he wants to show Erica that we're into each other. That's the part of our deal." 
                          
She leaned back on her seat and sighed, "Believe me Jane, I know when he role play. He practically sucks at acting." 
                          
I nibbled on my lower lip wishing what she was saying were true. On the other hand, I was still in denial that my feelings for him was nothing but lust. I wanted to know if he was really honest with me before I do something that I might regret later. Considering my previous failed relationship, I didn't want to end up making fool of myself again. Neither I wanted to let him control me until one of us confessed our feelings. I needed to talk to him about us. Like right now. 
                          
"I hope what you're telling is true." I sighed and deposited the money for my salad onto the table. She nodded and mirrored my action. Before exiting the diner I managed to acquire two donuts for Leo before they would have been saled out. 
                          
The weather was beautiful. Not hot as usual as the sun had been veiled by the dark clouds. Neither too chilly. The rain was pouring. I hugged myself and ran across the street and Eva imitated me. 
                          
"See you in the party tonight." Eva said and dismissed herself as the elevator halted at her floor. 
                          
I leaned against the elevator wall and watched the numbers on the display rising. 
                          
Ding!
                          
The elevator door slid open and I made my way towards Leo's office. On my way, I doubted if he had either breakfast or lunch since he seemed too sleepy in the morning. That's good I'd decided to take donuts for him and luckily got my hands on the last remaining. 
I glanced at the brown bag in my hand and smiled to myself. He's gonna love it. And from that way I might get succeeded to make him confess that he likes me too.
                          
When I reached at the door to his office Some voices approached me and a wave of apprehension passed over me. 
                          
"Fuck!" I heard someone groan. There wasn't a single chance that the voice could've gotten unrecognised. I was positive that the voice belonged to Leo. Off course it was his office then who could that be beside him. But the point was—why did he groaned? 
                          
I gulped the knot that had been formed in my throat and opened the door. No. It can't be real. I'm just dreaming and it'll go away when Luke throws a bucket of icy water over me. I tried to convince myself again and again but no one threw icy water over me. It was real. Fucking real. I witnessed Leo without pants while Erica Hans was on her knees in front of him. Oh god, this wasn't happening again. I was propelled back to the room where I saw Ryder riding a horny chick. I felt déjà vu. Why this always happen with me?  
What have I done that I get punished like this? Why me? Why me? 
                          
I didn't realise when a drop of tear fell across my cheek. I was quick to wipe that off. I didn't want him to see that I was hurt since it was finally clear that my feelings don't matter  anymore. He didn't care. He never cared. I'd always been like a robot to him. He ordered me and I'd always followed his command. I know I'm a cold hearted bitch. But eventually, the ice melts. 
                          
Leo's eyes met mine and the shock was evident in his face. Then his eyes flickered between me and Erica who was still on her knees biting her lip. The shock replaced by a dreaded expression as Erica roused on her feet and collected herself. 
                          
"It's not like you think. I can explain." Leo tried to reach me but tripped over his own pants. "Fuck!" Erica was about to reach him when Leo roused himself and pulled up his pants. "Ja—"
                          
"That's what Ryder said when I caught him fucking behind my back." I managed to say though it came out as whisper. "You're not different than him Leo, excluding the fact that he'd never forced me to sleep with him." 
                          
He was taken aback by my statement and turned furious. "I never forced myself on you. How can you compare me with that bastard?" He snapped, obviously irked by my statement. 
                          
I crossed my arms against mu chest and scoffed, "Right. You're even worse."
                          
He groaned. 
                          
In the meantime, Erica finally decided to open her mouth, "I-I'm really sorry, Jane. But we couldn't resist the pull between us. We were together for a year and now it just happened. I promise it won't happen again if you could satisfy him," She stifled a smirk that was threatening to appear. "and I'm sure you could." 
                          
"What the fuck, Erica. Why the hell are you lying?" Leo snapped at her. "What will you get from this?" He ran his hand through his hair and for a moment I witnessed fear in his eyes. 
                          
"Baby, why're you trying to pretend that she's special to you. It'll only make her feel bad in the end." Erica reached him and seductively ran her hand over his chest that Leo instantly dismissed. She seemed offended but soon maintained her composure. "You know she will never be able to satisfy you like I do." She looked at me and smirked, "I know when you like to go fast and rough. When you bury yourself in a woman you don't just fuck her, you release the frustration, the anger that has been eating you like a plaque for years." 
                          
"She looks too sensitive for your taste. I don't think she can handle the demon inside you." She added. 
                          
I was confused but somewhat I got that whatever she said was somehow related to Leo's past. And that took everything to mitigate his current act of betraying me. 
                          
I looked at him and he averted his eyes away from me. I realised he was trying to avoid eye contact with me. Off course the mention of his past had managed to make him uncomfortable. 
                          
But the main point is—Erica knows. She must be special to him that's why he told her about his past. But in these past days he's got close to me too And yet, he isn't comfortable to share his secret with me. Why? 
                          
Well if that's what he wants. I won't try to dig into his past ever, since I'm nothing to him but one of his whore from now on. 
                          
I saw his face softened as I wiped the tears off my cheek. I didn't pay a heed to him and announced while managing the tone to professional, "If you need me I'm a call away from you, Mr Vincenzo." My gaze flickered between Erica and him and I rasped, "You may continue now." With that I walked out of his office with my bleeding heart.