After a few hours we got back to our house. I stormed out of the car as soon as Alex had parked his car and ran into the house. "RYAN, I MISSED YOU!", screamed Brook as soon as I entered the house. "Missed you too, mate! I'm sorry but I really need to use the toilet!", I excused myself, hoping to get away from everyone. 
                          
Passing Mikey's room I realized that he wasn't home. The door was open and I slowed down to take a look inside. The room was almost empty. Just his bed, telly and a box with some clothes were left. He was serious. He wanted to leave me. 
                          
A bunch of hurting feelings bursted out inside of me and I started shaking. I ran into my room and as soon as I slammed the door shut behind me the tears started running down my face. I couldn't help myself but starting to shiver and gasp for air between the heavy sobbs, that were coming out of my mouth. I hadn't cried that hard in a long time, but my inside felt like I was never going to be happy again. I just lost two of my best friends. 
                          
//
                          
I didn't leave the room for the next two days. My heart was broken and I was having a pity party with all the typical features: sad music (mostly Lewis Capaldi, LANY, Lauv, Dean Lewis and Alec Benjamin), pathetic girly heartbreak movies, that made you feel even more like shit (preferred movies: Dear John and the notebook) and a lot of ice cream, that Brook was kind enough to get me. 
                          
I knew, that it was my fault, how the thing with Andy ended, because it was me who somehow destroyed everything, but in my hurt I blamed Andy. I blamed him for pressuring me, for kissing me, for messing with my head and heart and for existing in my life, because without him I would never had to go through all the emotional struggle. 
                          
Without him, I would never had to face my feelings. Without him, I would never had known how beautiful love could be. But mostly I blamed him for being so perfect, so beautiful, so amazing, so talented and cute, so fun to be around and such a great person to talk to. I blamed him, because he was the one I was in love with. 
                          
//
                          
During the days I locked myself in my room I told everyone who entered the room, that I was feeling sick and I knew that no one believed me. On day two Brook stepped into my room pretty early in the morning.
                          
"Rye, you know, that I love you as one of my best friends and that's why I have to tell you to get your fat ass out of this bed, take a shower, come downstairs and have some pancakes with us!", he commanded and started to pull on my blanket. I groaned and pulled my blanket back over my head. I was stronger than Brook, but Brook wasn't giving up. He didn't stop until we both ended up somehow tangled together between the sheets. 
                          
"Listen, Rye!", Brook started as he unwrapped his arm out of the blanket. "I get the point that you're mad at Mikey, I really do, so I'm not going to complain about that! I mean, I still think that you two should sit down together one more time and talk, because you two grew up together, man! You're practically brothers! But that's not my fight, so I will leave you alone with that. 
                          
The thing I don't get is, why you and Andy locked yourselves into your rooms and have gone through all the heartbreak-breakup-stuff you see in movies: Ice Cream while watching romantic movies, crying in the shower while singing sad songs. What are we? Some Bridget Jones copies? I mean, I know that's not my problem either, but you two have the closest friendship I've ever seen. I can't imagine a thing that could be bad enough to split you two up, so whatever happened to you two, get yourselves back together and talk! Seriously, you two are starting to annoy the whole house with your pity parties.". 
                          
He finished after he had finally fully untangled himself. "You finished?", I spat at him as he looked at me with an annoyingly caring look on his face. His face expression turned into hurt. "Talk to him!", he whispered and suddenly sounded really exhausted. I instantly felt bad but didn't say a word as I watched him leave. 
                          
The day went by and another afternoon of struggling with myself and slowly but steady getting lost in the rabbithole of thoughts, I decided to get up and take a shower. After the shower I decided to change the sheets of my bed because after almost three days of staying in bed it slowly started to smell and to feel sticky. 
                          
I'd just finished and wanted to crawl back into the sheets, when my door suddenly flung open. I jumped and turned around, ready to shout at the person who scared me, but I froze when I saw the familiar statue of a small blonde boy standing inside my door frame, eyes red from the tears, that were still running down his cheeks. All the past few days, all the anger and frustration, all the fight and being mad at Andy disappeared in the second that he stormed across the room and collapsed in my arms. I wrapped my arms around him, held him tight as he clinged on me and I froze in shock when I heard two words between Andy's sobbs: 
                          
"He died!"




                          
A/N
                          
I quoted an old livestream in this chapter. Let's see if anyone notices :) 
                          
Lots of love xx