my family was there. mommy was sitting with daddy and janelle in the shade of two marble-white beach umbrellas, and her black and white floppy hat accentuated her red one-piece swimsuit. "anise!" she smiled, waving me over. "we've really missed you." her eyes damn near shone through her classic black dolce and gabanna aviator shades.
                          
 "yeah, i know i did," janelle cosigned. "i know i was mean before, but home just isn't home without you."
                          
"what about me?" daddy asked from mommy's side. "i've been gone for awhile, too."
                          
"we miss you too, baby. but at least we know where you've been." mama sadly smiled, rubbing his shoulder. 
                          
i must have looked confused.
                          
"heaven," daddy responded breezily. "you could be seeing me soon, though. how splendid! we'll have eternity to catch up then."
                          
i backed up from him. "daddy... what?"
                          
"oh, daddy's dead." janelle said. "left me and mommy a lotta money."
                          
"had to make sure my girls were well taken care of," daddy smiled. 
                          
"but what about me?" i whined.
                          
daddy laughed at my silliness. "you don't need me! you've got him to take care of you." he pointed behind me, right at Him. 
                          
"anise?" He called, sounding confused and super close. 
                          
"anise?" His voice rang again, but He wasn't in paradise anymore. He was in my room. "anise-" 
                          
i blinked over and over. "i'm dead," i mused. 
                          
       He didn't respond to me, just walked over and snatched the needle out of my arm. then He hugged me for a long, long time. i really must be dead; i haven't seen Him in months. but after a long trip to paradise, here He is. huh.
                          
"anise." he spoke in my ear. i felt my neck dampen with his real-life tears.
                          
real life tears. not paradise tears. i know from experience that you can't feel paradise tears.
                          
"you're real?" i asked, in a daze.
                          
"i think so," He replied against my neck. "i think so."
                          
       we sat there and cried awhile. then, i cried more when He told me about the life He'd been living these past few months. i still don't see why He went and replaced me, while i stayed true and stayed to myself. it wasn't fair to me. but me becoming this way wasn't fair, either. life wasn't anything close to fair.
                          
       we'd decided to quit talking about the past; we'd have plenty of time for that. instead, we were just catching up on lost time, keeping each other warm by way of exchanging body heat on my couch. we sat in silence for awhile while my high came down, then we started talking when i was sober for the moment. the clothes we had on really did us no justice; he had on a hawaiian shirt and cargo pants, and i had on a simple pair of black leggings and a black long sleeved shirt. our body heat exchanged perfectly through these garments. while we sank into deeper snuggles, i realized that i had missed the way my body fit just perfectly with his.
                          
this is how things are meant to be.
                          
the blissful moment we shared was ruined by hearing thumping coming up the stairway. "sorry, i got loud-ass neighbors," i apologized. "here, i'll go and shut the door-"
                          
"don't leave. fuck them neighbors." 
                          
i didn't respond, just snuggled more into his warm, cozy embrace. this was so much better than paradise. "lon." i sighed happily.