end.

                                    

                                          
lonny. 
                          
       the 'welcome to missouri' sign gleamed against the far-off kansas city lights from the skyline, signaling me that i was only a 4 hour away from anise. a straight shot across the highway was what would bring us together, after so much time apart. fuck, what am i gonna say to her? i wondered. i'm pretty sure that you can't just waltz back into someone's like "i guess you wonder where i've been...". well, you can. it wouldn't end well, though ; that shit only works in the movies and in the books, and from my understanding, this is neither. 
                          
about an hour later...
                          
my phone rang. it had to have been cam. "cam?"
                          
"lon." his voice confirmed whatever i needed to know. "listen, i found out where she stay." he paused.
                          
"the fuck you waiting on? an invitation?" i snapped, already tired of the 2 second pause.
                          
       "the fuck you yelling at, bruh? don't forget, i ain't gotta do none of this shit. shit, i'm out here busting my ass to get you shit. i owe you nothing."  it was cam's main goal to leave this world, not owing anyone a damn thing. he made sure he repaid every debt, but it's not like he ever had one to me. mainly, it was me always owing him.
                          
"my bad." it came out almost robotically, too automatic to have room for any type of sincere apology. 
                          
       "nah, fuck that. you done had one 'my bad' too many within these past 48 hours. i don't take too kindly to disrespect, you know this. i decided not to hold it against you, with all you been through, but you fucking up, biting the hand that feeds you," he warned. "now, with all that being said, you did apologize, so it's whatever, man." his tough demeanor had broken down momentarily, i noticed, as he gave me her address. 
                          
       it was dawn when i arrived in her part of town. i honestly was shocked at the quality of it - her, a former black princess, was living in the slums of st. louis? the shock ended when i realized that i didn't leave her a whole bunch of money to work with, and she had limited abilities because before me, she had never worked a day in her life. her options were limited because she didn't go to college, though she was smart enough to have gone.
                          
     i hopped out of my benz, ignoring the cold. my breath came out in little clouds whenever i exhaled, but the more i approached her door, the less i breathed. my heart was banging against my ribcage, and i was feeling anxious, almost to the point of nausea. "don't be nervous," i told myself aloud. 
                          
       right foot, left foot. right foot, left foot. walking was becoming a chore now, since my knees were jelly. i was already reminiscing on/ imagining her beauty, and she was back in my system, intoxicating the fuck outta me. 
                          
door 205... door 205...
                          
the staircase smelled like piss, mold and cigarette smoke. 
                          
the wallpaper in the halls used to be forest green, you could tell, but they were now faded yellowish, light blue-ish.
                          
anise's door was splintery.
                          
her door was cracked.
                          
i couldn't see her.
                          
i went in anyway.
                          
xxxxx
                          
anise. 
                          
      the needle was in my arm, and paradise was nearing my vision with each passing second; the palm trees, blue waters and white sands from home rushed in every corner of my sight, becoming more real than i'd ever experienced. but this wasn't home- it was better.