𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 with soft and mature themes.
College senior Sierra adores her best friend Brian, but he inadvertently thwarts her love life on occasion. She didn't expect to meet Nick that night, but they quickly fel...
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4:37 AM
It's impossible to sleep, and I move from the covers to not wake Nick. My heart gushes at my sweet boyfriend peacefully sleeping. He's such a good man; his heart might be the most beautiful place in the world.
And I was happy. Actually happy with Nick's family. Now I'm here to mourn a man who was dead to me long ago, and I can't fake it when I'm alone.
Grimacing, I glare at the obituary in my hands. "I really hate you," I whisper to my dad's name. "For everything you did and didn't do. And the fact that I have to be here."
The compulsion to punish myself is irresistible. The cap of my red Sharpie protests as I wedge it between my teeth, then yank. I raise my leg in the air to brace against my knee and dot around my ankle bone.
Everything aches yet somehow I feel numb. I hurt my best friend and disappoint everybody who cares about me. I bring the fine point felt tip to my inner arms.
"Might as well," I murmur. "Long-sleeved dress anyway."
Intrusive thoughts plague my mind as I press the tip to my skin and scrawl tiny words in violent scarlet.
My mom's dismissive attitude. How I always came next to last. MISTAKE.
Brian's voice when I turned down his invitation. Wrestling with guilt every time a random guy looks my way. BITCH.
Everybody's evident pity when they meet my gaze. How I make everybody's life that much harder. BURDEN.
How much I despise my reflection in the mirror. My scars, how everything inside me feels heavy, how I just can't let go and be loved by Nicholas. HIDEOUS.
Biting my tongue, I swallow tears, fighting the urge to dig into my skin when Nick says my name. Startling, I turn to face a rumpled Nicholas rubbing his eye. He runs a hand down his face, smiles, and gestures. "C'mere, baby."
My eyes prick with tears at his tender smile, and I crawl from the bench at the foot of the bed and slip the Sharpie underneath my pillow. Inhaling deeply, he slides fingers in my hair as I settle in.
Minutes tick by as I breathe him in, my head on his chest. The hum of the heater in the room drones on, and we fidget, trying to find a comfortable position.
"I know this sucks."
I nod ever-so-slightly. "Yeah."
"I'm here. Stay with me."
"I'm right here, Nick."
"Don't...disappear on me."
The words I dotted on my skin phantom burn. "I'm trying," I whisper, meeting his gaze
Nicholas kisses the tip of my nose. "I can work with trying."
"Please don't give up." My voice breaks as I grip his arm.
