9

                                    

                                          
"I didn't bring a bathing suit" I joked, walking towards him as I took the end of the cue in my hands.
                          
"Neither did I" He reciprocated my joking manner and winked at me.
                          
I pushed the cue and jabbed it into his chest, making him hold his side with a chuckle.
                          
"I'm hurt, really" He said sarcastically.
                          
"You getting in?" I asked, looking over the edge into the steamy water.
                          
"Only if you do" he nodded looking over to me.
                          
I didn't answer him, I simply placed the cue down warily whilst keeping eye contact. My hands were shaking as I pulled off my clothes, leaving me stood in my underwear.
                          
The multiple scars from my surgeries were on show, decorating my stomach like an abstract painting.
                          
He had the same.
                          
He pulled his shirt off along with his shorts, also keeping the eye contact which was strangely comforting.  
                          
I walked over to the pool in silence, shoving my hair into a messy bun before sliding into the warm water. He followed shortly after, once I'd swum into the centre of the pool. We just smiled at each other, treading water as we stared into each other's eyes.
                          
I would like to say that I've never felt this way before. But I have. He was called Noah, he had CF too. We fell in love practically straight away. Then he went. I never even got to hug or kiss him, despite being his girlfriend. We promised each other that we'd get married and adopt kids together. Why would we do that to ourselves when we knew that it would never happen?
                          
"I have to go" 
                          
"No, please stay-"
                          
I swam to the side but just as I hopped onto the tiles, I felt his hand grab my ankle lightly. I jumped away, hitting my bare back on the rough brick wall behind me.
                          
"Will! What the fuck did you do!?" I shouted, shock evident in my voice as I stared down at my ankle in disbelief.
                          
Why would he touch me?
                          
"I'm sorry- I don't know what came over me, it was just a spur of the moment thing" he stressed, jumping out of the pool and walking towards me.
                          
I stood up and walked backwards, he held his hand out to make me stop.
                          
"Will, what did you do?" I repeated, not quite believing it myself.
                          
"I'm sorry!" He replied, running his fingers through his dripping wet hair.
                          
"I- we could die- we could both get infections and literally die- do you understand that!?" I stressed.
                          
"Would it be so bad?" He asked, rubbing his neck.
                          
My eyes widened at his response, clicking the elevator button to send me back up.
                          
"No- wait please Bella wait" He pleaded, slamming his palm against his forehead in annoyance.
                          
"Will, you don't get to choose that for me. As shit as this life is, it's still my life" I said, walking into the back of the lift.
                          
"Wait" He said, pushing the pool cue horizontally in between the two doors to stop it closing.
                          
"Will-"
                          
"What happened to you? Something happened I can tell, please tell me" He asked.
                          
I nodded in response, taken by surprise that he could tell I was hiding something.
                          
"He was called Jackson" 
                          
He picked up the cue and held it out for me. I took the other end and jumped out before the doors closed. He led us over to the pool, both of us still in our underwear, and we sat on the edge with our feet dangling down into the steaming water.
                          
"He was in your room actually, come to think of it" I nodded, pursing my lips into a line as I stared at my distorted feet under the rippling water.
                          
"I was in love with him, this was like two years ago I think. We were inseparable, well six feet apart anyway. Then one day, I found him on the floor having a seizure. He didn't make it" I said, forcing the tears to stay in my eyes as I had cried enough.
                          
"I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to bring back those memories" Will said sadly, leaning into his hands.
                          
"You didn't bring back the memories. They never left, they're constantly in my mind. It's just that I can feel myself slipping back into it and I can't be left alone again" I sniffled.
                          
"I'll never go anywhere, not if you're not there with me" he stated.
                          
"What?" I asked, my brows furrowed.
                          
"I love you, Bella. I know it's rushed and you've just told me that story, but if anything it makes me love you more. I love your smile, your eyes and the way you're so unorganised and you still have to get Barb to give you pills. I love the fact that you're so insecure, whilst having nothing to be insecure about because in my eyes you are perfect, Bella" He said, standing up.
                          
"I-"
                          
"You don't have to say anything, just know that I do love you. More than I've ever loved anything. I know it's soon, but I've never felt like this before" He said honestly.
                          
I stood up to face him, my eyes full of shock and worry. Without a word, I walked over to the elevator, picking up my clothes on the way there. I clicked the button, shoving my clothes on and getting in as soon as it opened. He just stood there and watched me slip away in disbelief.
                          
As the doors closed, I caught a small glimpse of a very annoyed looking Will through the tiny gap. He had squatted down with his head in his hands.
                          
What am I doing?