27. RICE KRISPIES for breakfast.

                                    

                                          
Harieth
                          
So, there I was on the water, floating like that would float away my problems. If only that was remotely possible then that’ll just be great. Unfortunately, it isn’t.
                          
I recalled dad’s last words to me and felt his burden weigh on me. A few months ago, I could have easily done what he asked of me without even thinking twice but now, it’s different. I feel something special for Christian and the thought of doing what I’m asked to do to him makes me feel terrible. Now, I’m torn in-between responsibility and my conscience.
                          
Funny, I never really thought I still had one.
                          
“Are you okay?” Immediately, I shifted my eyes to the direction of the voice and that’s when I saw him, standing by the side of the pool, a hand in one of his pockets while staring back at me.
                          
How long has he been standing there?
                          
I sank my lower body in and stood vertically staring back at him. For a moment, he just stared back and a part of me wondered why he’s here. It’s not my first time out in the pool, floating under the moon and staring at the dark sky but not once did he come close.
                          
“It’s cold. You shouldn’t be here.” He added after an awkward brush of his hair backwards with his hand.
                          
Cold, indeed it is but it’s nothing my body can’t handle and besides, I’m too far up with my habit to quit now but why is he telling me that. He makes it sound like he does care about me.
                          
I recalled the moment at the office with the coffee and the drugs, the beautiful thought that my husband might actually have been the one that left that here. I remembered the momentary feeling of a possibility of having something real with him. Now, it all feels different. I don’t know anything anymore. I don’t know what the truth is and I don’t know if I’m just kidding myself. I felt a bit foolish.
                          
I don’t like being at the losing end of anything. Imagine embarking on the rollercoaster of thoughts and feelings that my husband might actually like me back and in the end, getting hurt. That’s a path my entire being is unwilling to take. Yes, I might as well be called a coward. One thing I know, I’m no risk taker so perhaps… perhaps it’s best I do what I always do, use my head and not heart.
                          
I turned away from him and swam a few strokes up to the stairs before climbing my way out. My towel suddenly appeared in front of my eyes and so I followed the hand holding it and up to the face. 
                          
Christian.
                          
“You shouldn’t waste anymore time. It’s cold.” He stated as he wrapped the white towel around me and I could neither stop him nor stop staring at him, a little surprise by his… act.
                          
There was silence and he seemed unable to meet my eyes. I, on the other hand was unable to say a word to him but the longer I stared, the more I realize he’s a bit different now. The first was the offer at the office to help me out and second, this.
                          
“Why are you doing this?” I let the bugging words roll out of my lips and watched as he met my eyes for a moment before looking elsewhere.
                          
“Why? Do I need a special reason to be helpful?” He altered my question with one of his. 
                          
“Helpful?” I repeated the exact word that caught my attention and waited for a reasonable explanation from him instead, I got a quick pat on the arm from him.
                          
“Lighten up Harieth. We don’t have to be at each other’s throat all the time.” He stated before he was on his way back into the house while I stood there and watched as he left.
                          
A loud sigh left my lips as I took my eyes away from him. I admit, he does have a point. It’s normal to talk civilized as humans once in a while. Now, it’s definite that I’m the one reading meaning into everything because of a deep desperation to find what I want.