five

                                    

                                          
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"Mom, where are we going?" Lydia' eyes flicked up to the rearview mirror at the dark-haired girl in the backseat, her brow furrowed in concentration.
                          
"It's a surprise, remember, Caroline?" Lydia chuckled to herself, shaking her head. They were on their way to Team Penske for the annual Back to School event. Caroline didn't know it yet but she was going to have a chance to meet one of her favorite drivers -- Josef Newgarden. 
                          
"I hate surprises," Caroline wrinkled her nose, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Can you give me a hint?"
                          
"You'll really like it?" Lydia offered with a smile, laughing at the disapproving glare her daughter shot at her. "Just relax, we're almost there."
                          
Caroline sulked in the backseat and Lydia turned the radio up in an effort to end the questions that her daughter was pestering her with. Excitement bubbled up in Lydia -- racing was something that she had always loved and it was a relief that Caroline had quickly grown to love it too.
                          
 Unsurprisingly, Caroline had been drawn to NASCAR but lately, she had developed a love for IndyCar -- to Lydia's relief. She knew that sooner or later Caroline would ask to go to a NASCAR race and the chances of Caroline meeting Ryan seemed pretty high. Caroline was unmistakeably Ryan's daughter -- she had his curls, his bright eyes, and his wide smile. One glance would be all it took for anybody to guess, one glance for everything to topple. 
                          
Lydia had made it through law school -- top of her class even. It had been hard, many sleepless nights and creative time management but with the help of Louisa, the elderly woman that lived down the hall, Lydia had made it. She had made it without the help of Ryan and she intended to keep it just her and Caroline -- it was easier that way. Every once in awhile, Caroline would ask why she didn't have a dad like her friend's do and Lydia would explain that some families just don't have dads and that was okay.
                          
"We're at Team Penske." Caroline leaned towards the window. "Mom, what are we doing here?"
                          
Lydia couldn't help but grin. She had been working overtime all week so she could take today off to bring Caroline to this event. Being a mother had taught her that time really was fleeting and Caroline changes every day it seems so when opportunities presented themselves, Lydia always made sure to capitalize.  She didn't answer as she pulled her car into a parking spot, killing the engine. "Let's go inside."
                          
"I get to meet Josef?" Caroline squealed as they walked into the Team Penske shop, reading the large banner that hung over the entrance. "Momma is this for real?"
                          
Lydia chuckled, squeezing her hand, "It is. Are you surprised?"
                          
Caroline nodded, throwing her arms around her mother's waist. "Thank you."
                          
Lydia pushed a chestnut curl from Caroline's face, "Of course, peanut." They moved into the line that had started to form, ready to wait their turn for a chance to meet Josef. Caroline was bouncing, a ball of excitement. Lydia couldn't help but admire her daughter, the pure joy that she possessed for life, the way her bright blue eyes sparkled in excitement over even things Lydia had once dismissed as mundane. 
                          
"Excuse me," Somebody spoke into a microphone. "I'm sad to say that Josef is sick so filling in for Josef will be Ryan Blaney!"
                          
Panic pulsed through Lydia's body. She glanced over at Caroline, expecting to see disappointment but her daughter looked at her with excitement sparkling in her eyes -- an identical pair to her father's. She was almost a carbon copy of Ryan and it always knocked Lydia off balance at the worst times. 
                          
Lydia's stomach churned as she forced herself to bend down to Caroline's level, "I'm sorry that Josef isn't here. What do you say we go get ice cream instead?"  She offered, hopeful that the sugary treat that Caroline rarely was allowed would lure her away from the sure disaster that was starting to unfold. 
                          
Caroline's lip protruded into a pout. "I want to meet Ryan."
                          
Lydia struggled to keep her emotions off her face. Caroline had no clue and none of this was her fault. So she mustered a smile, hoping that her daughter was oblivious to the emotions that were threatening to spill out of her. "Okay." She choked out before standing up. 
                          
 Lydia took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. What were the chances that Ryan would recognize Caroline as his daughter? It had been five years and they had only seen each for a few hours so surely he had totally forgotten about her. He'd quickly sign something for Caroline, pose for a quick picture and barely pay her any attention, that's how drivers were at events like these. 
                          
As they inched further towards the front of the line, Lydia's stomach knotted at the sight of Ryan. He looked different now -- his midseason curls and scruff had been done away, replaced with a short haircut and a clean-shaven face, his face even looked a little haggard. Her stomach did flips as she watched him smile at each child, taking a moment to speak with each one and pose for a picture. 
                          
She said a little prayer to whatever God would help her out that Ryan wouldn't recognize either of them, that they would make it out unscathed. 
                          
"Almost there, momma," Caroline yanked on her mother's arm in excitement. "You're going to take a picture of us, right?"
                          
Lydia nodded as they stepped to the front of the line. She choked down a little bile as she watched her daughter bound towards Ryan. Ryan's eyes widened a little as he knelt down to talk to Caroline. His brow furrowed a little as he spoke to her, his eyes jerked up towards Lydia and the color drained from his face. 
                          
Lydia's heart sunk a little, her worst fears confirmed. 
                          
He knew. 
                          
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