EPILOGUE

                                    

                                          
Epilogue 
                          
Love. I don't know what love is. All I know that I can get a girl easily and dump it afterwards. Ganu'n lang kadali. I was a jerk, tama si Ivam na mas malala ako sa kaniya. 
                          
"Papa? Am I pretty?" I was staring at the mirror for too long. Nawala lang ang atensyon ng itanong iyon ng anak. 
                          
She's pouting. Like her mother, she's like a mini me. Sign, kung gaano ko kamahal ang mama niya. Hindi ako naniniwala sa sabi-sabi nilang 'yon. But seeing my daughter looks exactly like me and remember how much I love her mother... Makes me believed.
                          
She's wearing a peach gown with a flower crown on her head. So adorable. "You're pretty." I simply answer. I lean to kiss her forehead. 
                          
Showing how much I love her. 
                          
"Groom... Get ready, mag-sisimula na tayo." anas ng wedding coordinator ng maka-pasok sa kwarto na kinalalagyan ko. Tinanguan ko lang siya at binuhat si Yna. Jhana is not here, kasama ni Ysabel... My soon to be wife.
                          
I never imagined that this day will come, me... Getting married and having a child. Until I met her... Until our eyes land to each other. O ako lang ang naka-kita sa kaniya? 
                          
"You're getting older anak, do you think it's better if you stop playing?" Si mommy, nuong dumalaw siya sa opisina ko.
                          
"Kailan mo ba ako bibigyan ng apo?" dugtong niya, dahilan kung bakit napa-ngiwi ako sa kaniya. 
                          
Narinig ko ang tawa ni Ivam na kanina pa naka-tambay dito sa office ko. 
                          
"I'm not that old mom. I can give you a grandson even when I'm... 50." puno ng katotohanan kong sagot. I'm not ready for that too.
                          
But my mom sighed, dramatically. Hindi natuwa sa tinuran ko. 
                          
"Buhay pa kaya ako kapag nangyari 'yon?" I look at her, hindi maka-paniwala dahil sa sinaad niya. 
                          
She was over reacting again. Dinadramahan niya ako para masunod ang gusto niya, I love my mother so much so I give everything she wanted. But grandchild? Nah... I don't think I can give her that. 
                          
I don't know what love really is. But I love her... Obsessively. I want her for myself. Sa akin lang... Akin lang. 
                          
Sa bawat pag-layo at pag-tulak niya sa akin ay para lang akong magnet na dumidikit sa kaniya. I stalked him, every where she goes. Until I get tired, I want her for me. 
                          
Para akong masisiraan ng ulo everytime I saw him with boys... Those askals! Hindi ko na kaya na makita siyang naka-ngite sa iba, kinaka-usap ng iba. Dapat ako lang, akin lang. Para sa akin lang dapat ang ngite niya. 
                          
"Are you drunk?" bungad niya ng pag-buksan ako ng pinto. She's talking to someone. I look at him angrily, one of her boys. 
                          
"Uh, yeah. I gotta go, call you later. And please, text me if your coming, okay?" She stopped. "See you, take care. I miss you too." Then she ended the call. How can her voice so sweet infront of other and me full of... Disgust? 
                          
"Lalaki mo na naman?" I lost it. Is it because of the alcohol o dahil sa lagi niya nalang akong binabalewala? 
                          
Hindi niya ako pinansin. Kaya mas lalo akong nairita. "Bakit ang dami mong lalaki sa buhay, huh? Pero ayaw mo sa akin?" puno ng panunumbat kong tanong. 
                          
Lalong sumama ang loob dahil sa isinagot niya, Is it because of my name. Is it because I am Van fucking Zackary. A jerk! 
                          
"I really like you." 
                          
Before I lost it. I took her virginity, I make love to her and I didn't regret that I didn't use protection. I hate myself for wanting her more... For longing for her touch... Kisses.