Farkas x Reader(Female) ~We'll Make It~

                                    

                                          


                          


                          
Drinks seemed to be her only solution.
                          
After leaving Whiterun, after leaving him, she was engulfed in a sea of guilt and sorrow until it became so normal, breathing in those feelings like the water in an ocean, that she just didn't feel anything at all. Rorikstead was the last place she wanted to be right now, the inn and its patrons so dull and dreadful she could barely stand it.
                          
Her pay was downright depressing and the only reason why she stayed was that she got a free room to keep her minimal belongings and a bed to cry in or constantly shift around, not feeling safe enough to go to sleep. As much as she told herself she shouldn't, she missed the feeling of his arms around her so horribly she couldn't catch more than a few meager hours of sleep while deprived of his embrace. She hated it. She hated everything she'd done, even if she didn't ever remember doing it, and what she'd become. If she'd only stayed, if she'd only listened to him, she would be with him right now. She would be safe and happy and everything would be good. Everything would be alright.
                          
It had been five months, though. What was done was done. She hoped he'd gotten over it (gods new she hadn't). She hoped he found someone deserving of his gentle heart and his grins, someone to cherish him as she does. Someone who can fill her place and be better than her. Someone who could hold their own and wasn't a liability like she always seemed to be. No matter what she did, she would mess it up in her clumsy anxiousness and then she would really mess everything up. 
                          
She never said the right thing. She never did the right thing. Everything was wrong. She was wrong. She was always wrong, that was just how it was. 
                          
Her lip folded into her mouth, her top teeth biting on it lightly before releasing it as she clutched the single fur she had, burying her head in it and dampening it with her tears. His smell was gone from it now, but she could still imagine it with perfect detail, bringing her to soft sobs every time. Sometimes she would just pretend it was still on the fur, and she'd swear she could smell it but she knew she was just trying to cope. She was trying so desperately to cope, but it just wasn't working. It never worked.
                          
She knew she'd have to get back out and start serving again, but her tears didn't care. Her tears rolled down her face like wildfire, burning her cheeks and uncomfortably warm on her neck as well as trickling onto the pelt. A sharp knock echoed at her door, no doubt the innkeeper.
                          
"Dammit, girl, we need you out here. It's getting busy again!" the man barked, muffled from the thick wood door and she wiped her face roughly with the back of her hand before answering with a promise that she'd be out in a few moments.
                          
Trying to dispell any hints that she had been crying from her face, she stood up, neatly folded the fur, and took a deep breath. She tried to settle herself, tried to get herself pumped up and charismatic, but she only found a thin mask of such energy.
                          
It would do. She could fake it tonight. Then again, she faked it every night, so it wasn't very hard now- to slip into someone she wasn't and pretend she was alright. Rolling her neck, stretching her back, ____ opened her door and closed it behind her, finding the inn to be indeed busy. One of the busiest night she'd seen, and it looked like it was mostly just people coming for a drink. Maybe the fact that it was starting to light up after a heavy few days of pouring rain? Probably.
                          
She met eyes with the other hostess and the girl came up to her and told her of all the people who were waiting to be served or waiting to order that she hadn't got to yet and ____ nodding, her lips forming a hollow smile that looked filled from the outside.
                          
As the night began, the inn was truly flourishing, people coming in and out and back in to get more drinks. She even had the pleasure to deliver some drinks outside, and getting some time outside was nice. It made feel less pressured and suffocated to look alright, and she could pass by a simple, soft smile and nothing more.
                          
Just dropping the last of the said orders outside, she wiped her brow with a short huff of a breath and began to make her way up the stairs again and back inside the stuffy inn, but the sound of something interesting the small crowd behind her reached her ears and she paused and glanced back.
                          
Her heart dropped to her stomach and said stomach flipped. 
                          
"Oi, Torvar, you'd best not get drunk again tonight. I can't deal with your ass and your hangovers in the morning," a familiar dark elf grumbled, whist the blond Nord beside him snickered, but offered no reply, leading the way to the inn in the small group of three. She moved aside to let him pass along with Athis, swallowing thickly.

                          
The two passed without issue, but just as the thrid Companion reached the last step, he paused abruptly. Her eyes were trailed to the ground, but she had to look up. She couldn't stop herself. She couldn't.
                          
Silver, breath-taking eyes met hers, like it was the first time they met all over again. His hair was the same. His armor was the same. Everything about him was the same. His face showed a mixture of surprise, anxiousness, and something that confused her. He seemed relieved, but more than that, he seemed low-spirited and despondent.
                          
"____?"
                          
"Farkas?"
                          
There was a silent moment of pause, and then he had pulled her into a tight hug, her head against his shoulders and eyes closing on instinct. His arms around her were firm, like he was scared she was going to melt into ash and float away from him.
                          
"I sorry," he choked out, "I'm so sorry, ____."
                          
Her heart ached fiercely in her chest, throbbing with phantom pains. "I never should have left," she murmured, trying her best to ignore the tears bubbling in her eyes. Her own grip on his back was just as tight as his. She wanted this to last forever. "It's my fault."
                          
"It's not your fault," he said immediately, "Njada thought it would be funny," he spat the words with bitterness and fury, "to slip Vilkas something and make it look like you had done something you hadn't. I-I didn't know where you went, you just... you just disappeared," he barely got out, voice strangled by the emotion so clearly paining him.
                          
"It was... I didn't..."

                          
"No. We were all drunk and she thought it was going to be hilarious to see our faces when word spread.  I knew she didn't like you, but not to that extent," he growled, the anger starting to surface above everything else. "Kodlak kicked her out. She broke trust and honor and that's not okay. But you... you didn't do anything. You can come back. Please, come back. I haven't slept for so long."
                          
"I haven't either," you admitted. "I'll tell the innkeep. How could I ever resist you?"
                          
"Vilkas swore to kidnap you if I found you and you didn't come back," he confessed. "He meant in a good way, right?"
                          
You smiled.
                          
You smiled, and it was genuine.
                          
"Of course, Farkas. Now, I have a room and free meals. Have you eaten?" you hummed, pulling back and mirroring his soft smile.
                          
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm not hungry," he chuckled.
                          
"Gah, I should've guessed! Come, come, I'll show you to my room and you can eat in there so you aren't getting pestered by the drunks."
                          
He abruptly knitted his eyebrows in confusion his eyes flaring protectively. "Do they pester you?"
                          
You gave him a lazy smile. "Not if they want a full bottle of mead, they don't."
                          
"You pour it out?"
                          
"I drink some of it and spit in it," you whispered cheekily. 
                          
"I approve," he rumbled.
                          
"Knew you would," you smiled brightly.
                          
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                          


                          
this is so cute
                          
still i seem to be dead on the requests, which is AWFUl
                          
Im SORRRRRYYYY
                          
GAHHH
                          
dani out,
                          
adieu!