fifty six ▪ "You're cute when you're speechless"

                                    

                                          
"I can't believe I'm doing this" burying my face in my hands, I lean against the couch in the cinema room, squished into one corner of it.
                          
"We're just watching a video of yours, it's not like you're about to have an orgy" Jack says from the seat behind me, the eyeroll almost audible as I turn around to throw him a glare.
                          
His smirk grows even wider as he sees me glaring, the rest of the boys laughing lightly around us.
                          
"That almost sounds better to be honest" I mumble quietly, turning back to the front as Sonny kicks my thigh lightly, his look telling me he heard what I said, his eyebrows raised as he tilts his head at me. He acts disappointed as he shakes his head slightly.
                          
Instead of pulling his legs away, he places them in my lap as he gets comfortable on the couch, turning to the front as I bite down my smile.
                          
Resting my hands on his legs, I get comfortable too, well as comfortable as I can get when we're about to watch my new video.
                          
"Everyone ready?" Robbie asks, seated in one of the armchairs in the corner. He has the laptop and with that the power in his lap.
                          
"No, Rye is still missing" glancing around the room, Jack and Robbie are occupying the armchairs and Brook, Alex and Andy sit on the couch in front of Sonny and I.
                          
As soon as his name leaves my lips, I feel Sonny change, he seems to tense up slightly and avoids my eyes as I look at him, a smile playing on my lips yet once more, knowing he is jealous again.
                          
"His loss" Robbie shrugs, a glare quickly thrown his way as I gently push Sonny's legs off my lap and get to my feet.
                          
"No, I'll go get him. He asked to see the video. And don't you dare play it before I'm back, I'll be mad at you" pointing a finger at Robbie, I raise an eyebrow, stopping in my tracks for a second, just narrowing my eyes at him to make my point clear.
                          
Happy when Robbie raises his hands dramatically high and away from the laptop, I walk out of the room, starting my search for Ryan.
                          
Rolling my eyes at the boys' behaviour, I smile slightly. Moving along the hallway, I get a glimpse of the kitchen and almost keep going, but catch Ryan sitting at the kitchen isle.
                          
Leaning against the door frame slightly, I watch him for a second, a smile forming on my lips before I shuffle inside the room and close the door quietly.
                          
"Hey" I mutter, making my way to his side only to see him jump at my words, apparently not expecting me.
                          
His eyes switch from his phone to my face. He looks tired and exhausted.
                          
"Hey" his voice is small and it makes me feel even more guilty.
                          
Sitting down in a stool next to him, I turn to face him, my knees touching his thigh as he locks his phone, his gaze dropping to his lap as a small silence follows.
                          
"We were going to watch my new video. I know you wanted to see it too, so do you want to join us?" Playing around with my sleeves, I realise that the situation is getting a little awkward.
                          
As he doesn't answer my question, I get a little anxious, but raise my eyes to look up at him anyway, only to find him staring at me, a sly smile present on his lips.
                          
"What's wrong?" I mumble quietly, my eyes searching his.
                          
"Uhm.. sure. I just thought it would be the two of us, but that's fine too" he shrugs, his phone vibrating on the countertop as both or eyes switch to the device, a name appearing on the screen that is never failing to make me roll my eyes. Nicole.
                          
"Nicole wouldn't like that too much" I quirk an eyebrow, mad at myself instantly. It's stupid. I specifically told him to deal with her and now I'm mad that he texts her?
And how is it fair that I'm messing around with Sonny and kiss him but Rye's not allowed to have fun?
                          
"I don't care what Nicole wants. I ended things with her last year as we became serious, she just didn't want to hear that and kept texting me. Ash, I would never mess with another girl while being with you. I will never mess with another girl, I love you and no girl can give me the feelings you did." 
                          
Staring at my lap, I try to comprehend the words that just left his mouth, the guilt seeping through my body as I think about Sonny, who probably is loosing his mind right now, knowing I'm with Rye.
                          
"I... I feel... Rye, that's really cute and... Rye, I don't know if... okay I just don't know what to say" concluding that I have no idea how to answer him, I glance at him, a few chuckles leaving his lips.
                          
"You're cute when you're speechless" quirking an eyebrow, he offers a small smirk.
                          
"Stop it" rolling my eyes, the atmosphere in the room shifts to a normal one slowly, our flirty but fun relationship returning, though I know we're not there yet.
                          
"Okay" he chuckles lightly, placing one arm on the counter as he turns in his stool as well, facing me completely.
                          
"We should do something. Just you and me, just to get talking again. I missed moments like this" he adds after some time, my heart beating quicker as I debate whether or not this is a good idea. It definitely isn't, but seeing him with those hopeful eyes, I can't just dismiss him.
                          
"Sure. I'm pretty busy with work, YouTube and working out with Sonny at the moment though" trying to play it down, I hope he won't push for it and want a date right now.
                          
"Don't sweat it. We'll find time for us" he shrugs, a smile on my face before I glance back to my hands.
                          
"Great" 
                          
"Ash, if you don't want to, just tell me" though he chuckles, I can tell he is a little anxious for my answer, worried I'll tell him off.
                          
"I do! I just, I still need to figure out my problem" my eyes search his as I grab his hands, making sure he knows I'm genuine. I want him to understand that I still love him - wait, do I?
                          
"Alright. That's fine, just know that I'm still your friend. And I need to talk to you, I mean talking to the boys is great too, but you are different" chuckling at the end, he makes me roll my eyes slightly as I giggle too.
                          
"Now come on. Robbie probably already started the video and if he did, I'll kill him" quirking an eyebrow, I get to my feet, unintentionally reaching my hand out to his only to stop myself inches away from his fingers.
                          
Clearing my throat, I push the stool closer to the counter but Rye catches me by surprise as he loosely grabs my hand, a bad feeling spreading through my body as I remember how jealous Sonny was last time, this is going to make him mad but at the same time I can't just push Ryan away completely. I hold hands with the other boys too.
                          
Not giving me much of a choice, Rye tugs on my hand, pulling me towards the cinema room, my stomach sinking further with every step we take.
                          
I start to panic as we walk into the room, Sonny's eyes on us instantly, his jaw clenched as he glares at our hands.
                          
"Finally. You took ages" Robbie groans as I decide to ignore him, all my attention on Sonny.
                          
"Just shut up" rolling his eyes, Rye let's go off me and sits down on the couch, sharing it with Sonny but luckily plopping down in the other corner, leaving some space in between the two.
                          
"Alright, let's get this show going, huh?" Sighing, Robbie gets everything sorted out while I sit down on the couch, feeling awkward.
                          
As soon as all the attention is focused on the screen in the front, I brush my hand against Sonny's thigh only to have him shuffle away from me slightly, his jaw clenched still as I glance up at him, my heart aching as I can't concentrate on the video playing but worry about the boy next to me instead.