Chapter 26 - The Miserable

                                    

                                          
Saturday, November 10th
     Jesse felt like shit.
From the moment he left behind his one-night-stand—sneaking out in the middle of the night—until breakfast, and far beyond morning.
His gut wrenched every time he thought back to the night before and remembered the pain in Loek's eyes when he had left with a stranger.
It caused him to be silent during breakfast, which led to worried looks from both Mrs. Milonas and Calix, who was rushing around the house while eating breakfast and grabbing stuff for soccer.
And while Jesse was wondering what was going on with Calix throughout the week, that morning, there was no space in his head left for worry about anything else than his own actions.
Actions that hurt the guy he started liking a while ago.
He was absent-minded and Calix made a remark when they left the house that morning to head over to soccer for their weekly match. Jesse didn't even answer the question about what was going on in his mind. He just shrugged, and pulled the door to the car closed behind him, waiting for Calix to sit behind the wheel.
"I can't believe Mom and Dad finally let me take the car by myself," Calix changed subjects, turning on the engine of the car. "I bet it's because they don't want you to ride a bike with that ankle."
Jesse shrugged again, biting his lip while staring out of the window.
"How is your ankle anyway? You were back home pretty late. Did you walk around on it the entire night?"
"It's fine," Jesse replied, deliberately ignoring Calix words about staying out late. Calix didn't need to know he had shared a bed with a complete stranger. He didn't want Calix to tell him how stupid he was for hurting Loek the way he had done, even if Loek had hurt him first.
He didn't need a lesson on 'how to treat your crush when you're angry at them' from a guy who had waited two months before breaking up with his cheating girlfriend.
But then Jesse realised they had agreed not to keep secrets, and he felt even worse for not telling Calix what was bothering him. Still, guilt wasn't enough to let him spill it out.
"If something is wrong, you'd tell me, right?" Calix asked, breaking the awkward silence in the car.
"Just like how you'd tell me if something was bothering you to the point where you suck at soccer?" Jesse retorted with an annoyed expression on his face.
Calix opened his mouth, but closed it—probably because he realised he was holding something back too. And since he remained silent for the rest of the ride, Jesse took it as a yes. And it made him realise Calix wouldn't tell him what was bothering him, even if they had agreed not to keep anything a secret.
Which was why Jesse felt slightly less guilty for not telling him what happened that night either.
Jesse and Calix sat through an awkwardly silent ride, and again remained silent while walking towards the locker room to get ready for their match.
As soon as their team was ready, waiting for their coach to tell them their positions, Jesse started realizing Loek wasn't there, and he wasn't going to show up either. It was way too late for him to show.
Loek was never late. Loek was punctual. But Loek was absent anyway.
And Jesse knew it had everything to do with his stunt from the night before. He already regretted it the second he had stepped outside, leaving behind the stranger in his sleep. But knowing Loek had decided not to show up for their match made him feel even worse.