Five

                                    

                                          
I pulled up at his house, remembering the brief encounter we had previously had here. I suddenly had an overwhelming feeling come over me. I was starting to sweat so I quickly grabbed a napkin from the glovebox and dabbed my face. I kept looking at his house, not knowing if I should get out and go knock on the door or if I should just leave. With the way I was feeling, there was no way I was going to let this man see me like this. I started my car back up and glanced in the rear-view mirror to see if it was clear. Just as I was about to pull out, I heard someone shout. I put my foot on the break and put my car in park, turning my head to the right where the shouting came from. Crap. I turned my car off and got out. Walking to the sidewalk, I was terrified of what I was going to say. I was so embarrassed by what I had tried to do.
                          
            "Were you seriously just trying to leave?" I was speechless. 
                          
            "I..."
                          
            "So what? You were just going to stand me up? Were you even going to let me know you weren't coming? I just finished dinner. I don't care if you come and eat or not." I stood there, numb, watching the man with two first names walk inside and slam the door. I felt awful by what I had done. I had no idea that he cared this much about a dinner date. I had no choice but to call my go-to person.
                          
            "Jen? Why are you calling me? Aren't you supposed to be on your date right now?"
                          
            "Paul, something happened."
                          
            "What do you mean something happened? Did he do something? Do I need to beat someone up?"
                          
            "No, Paul. I'm the one that did something."
                          
            "What did you do?"
                          
            "I felt all weird inside and I didn't think that I could possibly find the strength to get out of the car so I was about to drive off, but he caught me. He ran back inside and said he didn't care whether I came in for dinner of not. Paul, what do I do? I feel bad about this."
                          
            "Jen, you need to go in and apologize to him. If you really don't want to be there, then you can leave. Just at least apologize Jen."
                          
            "Thanks Paul. I'll call you later." I slipped my phone in my pocket and walked up to the door. Taking in a deep breath, I opened the door. 
                          
            "Well, it's nice of you to join me."
                          
            "Look, I'm sorry for what happened. I never should have done that."
                          
            "Why did you try to leave anyway?" I sat down beside him at the table. 
                          
            "It's complicated."
                          
            "How so?" I was hesitant to tell him anything from my past.
                          
            "I never go on dates or have relationships. My partner, Paul, and his family are basically my only friends. I get so overwhelmed by all the emotions that go into dating or being in a relationship that I can't focus and I can never balance it with my work. My work has always come first and I don't see that changing and it's just too hard to find someone that understands that. Sitting in my car outside, I had so many emotions come over me. I'll admit it, I was nervous. I still am. It's just a lot for me to go on a date again. I never do anything like this, but even if I had left, that's a big step for me because I made it that far."
                          
            "Jen...I know you've probably heard this before but I'm not like other guys and if you give me a chance, I'll prove that. Paul mentioned to me that you haven't had a relationship in a while and I don't care one bit to go slow.  I'll take things at the pace you want. All I'm asking for is a chance. If we try this and it doesn't go well or you want to end it, then that's what we'll do. No questions asked." I nodded. 
                          
            "That sounds good. Thank you."
                          
            "Let's eat." The dinner was comprised of pasta and delicious chicken chopped very fine. I had never seen a man cook anything like this before. The sauce over it was so delicious and each bite had such a rich, creamy flavor to it. 
                          
            "How was the food?"
                          
            "Good."
                          
            "How was work today?"
                          
            "Good."
                          
            "Can I get a little more than just a one-word answer?" He smiled at me and for the first time, I wanted to actually talk to him. However, I could not let my guard down so soon.
                          
            "I guess." He laughed. 
                          
            "Why did you become a police officer?"
                          
            "Well, my dad was a police officer and sometimes he would take me for rides in his cop car. When I was younger, every night before bed, my dad would tell me a story from something that had happened to him that day at work. He passed away when I had just graduated high school from a gunshot wound while on the job and that's when I decided I wanted to be a police officer."
                          
            "Oh. I'm sorry about your dad."
                          
            "It's okay. He did what he loved and that's what matters. So...why are you working at Derco Fine Jewelers?"
                          
            "Well, I was working as a chef for about five years but I was out of a job after the place closed their doors and Derco Fine Jewelers was hiring at the time. I needed a job so I applied and got the job. I've been there ever since."
                          
            "Why haven't you tried to find another job cooking?" He rose from his seat, slightly gripping the back of his neck with his right hand. I stood from my seat and leaned gently against a wall in the kitchen. 
                          
            "I had full intentions on looking for one. It's just...a few months after the restaurant shut down and after I was already working at Derco Fine Jewelers, my mom passed away. My dad was never in the picture and we had moved here from Maine right after he left for a fresh start. My mom was the one that got me into cooking. Back in Maine, she was a chef at this little restaurant right around the corner from our house and I would go there and peak through the window just so I could see her cooking. One day, I asked her if she would teach me to cook and she had the biggest smile on her face. Ever since that day, I have thought about my mom every time I've cooked anything. After she passed away, it was just so hard to be in a restaurant, surrounded by so many others." I slowly walked closer to him and placed a hand on his back. 
                          
            "Derek...I'm so sorry. I had no idea." He snickered and I gave him a weird look.
                          
            "You actually said my name."