46: Don't Say You Love Me

                                    

                                          
~ Amanda's POV ~
                          
- two weeks later -
                          
We were in Dallas when we finally got a break from the guys playing shows for a few days. That meant staying in a hotel, with an actual bed and shower. And to be quite honest, that's what I've been looking forward to more than anything. I think we all needed a little break from the craziness.
                          
Oh, did me bypassing the whole 'Vince cheated on me' thing not work? I didn't think it would. It was worth a shot, though.
                          
The past two weeks have been odd to say the least. Even though we were husband and wife, it felt awkward to be near one other. I could tell that Vince was wary of my limits and whether or not it was okay to touch or kiss me. He mostly kept his distance from me, and normally his words too, afraid to make things any worse than they already were.
                          
On a night of drinking last week, I demanded more details from Vince about the situation and I won't lie when I admit that I really regret knowing some of that stuff. It still helped me remember exactly why I was mad at him though. 
                          
I have been trying to work through my feelings these past couple weeks, but it's hard to when I'm always right next to him. It has helped, I think, that Vince has been around me a lot more. We talk more now than we used to before this whole mess began. But it still felt different and I hated that.
                          
Currently, we were sitting silently on the hotel bed, unsure of what to say to one another.
                          
"I don't want to keep playing this game, Vince," I said suddenly, breaking out of my thoughts only for a moment. "Can we please just go back to being normal around each other?"
                          
What is normal though? Nothing has been normal since our wedding, and we've never been in a healthy place since. What would it mean to act normal around each other now? Because I sure as hell know that it's gonna look a little different than when we were young teenagers hanging out at the Rainbow all of the time.
                          
"I'm trying," Vince said lowly. "I didn't want to push you."
                          
Good, I thought to myself. You've already done enough.
                          
"We've already wasted so much time," I said, looking to the ugly painting hanging on the wall behind where Vince was sitting, opposite of me on the bed. "I want my Vince back."
                          
"You're sure?" Vince asked, a small smile creeping onto his face.
                          
"I'm sure," I said, chuckling. 
                          
"Where's your wedding ring?" Vince asked lightly as the two of us were sharing a light-hearted moment for the first time in a long time.
                          
"I took it off for awhile," I admitted. "You understand, right?" I figured that he noticed when I first took it off, but I guess I was wrong. It wasn't that I didn't want to be married anymore, I just didn't like that reminder always resting on my finger where I couldn't avoid it.
                          
"Of course," he said, even though I could see sadness flooding his eyes.
                          
"What do you want to do on your day off, hot shot?" I asked teasingly. I hoped that a harsh change in subject is what we needed to start acting normal around each other again.
                          
"I thought I'd spend some time with my wife," Vince responded, his eyes penetrating into me, a crooked smile creeping onto his face. 
                          
"You did, didn't you?" I asked, a smirk falling onto my face. "What did you have in mind?"
                          
"A few things...," he started, moving his hand to caress the side of my cheek as he delicately pulled me closer into him. He gently pressed his lips to mine and right away the kiss intensified, heating up between us.