Anastasia Smith, a sad, depressed, shy, lonely teenage girl going through what could be considered hell on earth.
Her life had been utter hell. Her parents passing away at the tender age of seven, her older brothers, her protectors neglecting and a...
Having a heartfelt conversation with my twin brother, Nathan, was one of the last things I expected to do today. It wasn't even on my mind in the slightest. After yesterday's blowout with all my other brothers, I realized that Nathan was the only one who didn't try anything I was uncomfortable with.
James yelled and brought me back to the old days where once he yelled, the hits, the kicks, the punches, the whips, they would all follow shortly after. Matthew tried to appease everybody, especially James, like he always did. Jackson and Mason, they were on a completely different level though. Jackson and Mason cornered me whenever they could yesterday, they pushed the boundaries they should be respecting, though they never yelled or laid their hands on me. I won't deny that there was some improvement, even if it wasn't a lot.
Nathan tried talking to me yesterday, but once I communicated with him that I wasn't ready, the only thing he told me was to let him know when I was, and that he'd be waiting.
When I got home yesterday, I couldn't focus on work or anything else really. I just laid in bed and cuddled the twins, staring blankly at the wall in front of me, listening to the endless baby babbles from my little siblings.
I was suddenly thrust back into old memories, remembering the days that Nathan and I would spend together, before we got older and he stopped coming around.
I remembered exactly why I used to have such a great relationship with Nathan. Nathan respected people's wishes, no matter his own wishes. Nathan always tried to put me first when we were younger. I loved that about my brother. I still love that about my brother.
And so, my best friends helped me get through one of my decently common depressive episodes. My depressive episodes come whenever I keep too many emotions bottled up without release. My body tries to shut down and give me time to process them in a way it understands.
Last night, I stayed cuddled up in blankets with the babies, just existing in the moment. My brain was going a million miles a minute thinking about forgiving Nathan, or at least taking a step in that direction.
Wyatt, Max, and Jamie all worked on the legal business last night, working to complete all the work I had needed completed by last night. Layla, Kayla, and Luke, however, worked on the illegal side of the businesses last night. They completed all of that work that needed to be completed by last night.
All six of them allowed for me to have an afternoon and night's worth of sleep and relaxation, something I couldn't be more grateful for.
Now it was the morning after my depressive episode. I still felt sad, tired, and like I could breakdown into tears at any given moment, but I was feeling better than the night before. I dealt with my emotions enough for them to stay bottled up for a little bit longer.
It's not healthy, but it's not a habit I've grown out of.
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Dressed in one of my favorite outfits that made me feel like myself, I smiled in the school bathroom mirror. It was a forced smile, but a smile nonetheless.
I had on a dark grey lace up knit cropped shirt, ripped at the knees black jeans, a red flannel (so I wouldn't get dress-coded, and black lace up combat boots.
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