Fading Away

                                    

                                          
CONTENT WARNING: Again, some strong language is in this chapter.
                          
Given Kousei's rapidly fragile state by this point in time, the doctors decided to leave him in a coma, which lasted for a week. It was now August 10, and the time had come for him to wake up. He did, but now, given how severe this third blow to the head was, he had become legally blind, and any attempt Kousei made at speaking came out as unintelligble grunts. As such, he was given a computer with a braille keyboard with Microsoft Azure compatbility so he could communicate with people. His eyes resembled that of a dead fish's. 
                          
He had tape wrapped around his chest, with some areas of it exposed. His ribs were now plainly visible, as he had lost more weight, and was now malnourished. Those egg sandwiches he loved, he could no longer eat, and one could see the scars and dents from the head trauma; in addition, he was becoming almost unrecognizable. He then was briefed on his condition by his male clinician, Dr. Fujihiro Abe.
                          
"Mr. Kousei Arima, in the past few months, we have seen you taken three major blows to the head. In addition to the fact that you have tested positive for your mother's illness that ultimately ended her life, the head trauma you have experienced has only served to aggravate this further. To summarize: Your speech, eyesight and hearing have largely diminished. You have lost a lot of weight due to all this, and the scans on you have shown the root of all this is: The rather extensive nerve damage you have sustained from these three recent blows to the head, which as stated, has served to aggravate your inherited disease, which is incurable, sadly. Also, the damage you have sustained is irreversible; you fractured your skull on that third blow. The middle part of your spine also got damaged on impact as well, and you are no longer able to stand up or walk. I'm sorry; you've experienced some heavy brain damage, and this is why you've said you can't remember anything about yourself, like what your name is, or where you are right now. We will have make you undergo a major surgery on September 7th. We believe you have, at most, one year to live, despite your rapidly deteriorating condition. After this, we are not sure what we will do, but we will try our best to try and prolong your life in some way."
                          
Kousei, whose hearing was now at 25%, as was his sight said, through his computer Okay, I guess.... I now know what happened to me. What is my name? Who's Kousei? I want to tell you something.
                          
Dr. Abe said, "What is it, Mr. Arima, go on. Your name is Kousei Arima. You are Kousei." Kousei typed There    was  this    girl    that    I met  a few  months  ago.  Her  Name is  Kaori    Miyazono.  She is  a  violinist, and    I told her  that I liked   her .But I  told this  lie  that I  liked another  person.  Don't  tell anybody,  about this, please. I'm  also  feeling  lonely and depressed. I was    once    a good  pianist  But those    days    are now  gone. I don't   know  what I   want to do  in life  anymore.  Everything    is  fading.    I feel   unloved . Everything    is meaningless. Again, don't  say anything   about this  to my friends.  Please. Mr. Abe nodded. "Okay, Mr. Arima. Your secret is safe with me. We won't disclose anything about how you feel today."
                          
That night, Kousei became introspective about himself again. This time, he was feeling quite desperate. Why....? Why did I have to be cursed with this disease? I finally get one chance t prove I'm not my mother's puppet... Now that I am slowly dying like her this absolutely sucks! It is dragging me down. Maybe if this damn surgery doesn't end my life, I'll do it myself by any means possible. All these years of training on the piano, winning all the competitions out there, WASTED! MEANINGLESS! ALL DOWN THE DRAIN!! I have her damn disease, and there's nothing I can do about it. Fate is just so damn cruel. If I'm still around, then I'll try and find some fucking way to end my own fucking life. Nobody goddamn loves me...... NOBODY! I'M UNLOVED!! Indeed, as Kousei's health faded, he was now becoming suicidal. He knew his life was going to end, but if he were to survive his operation, he would try and think about ending it on his own terms.