Chapter Thirty Two

                                    

                                          
I despise myself thoroughly. I can't even look in the mirror without being disgusted at what I see, because the girl in the mirror isn't a hero. She's a stupid, weak, little girl who was too slow. The one thing I was good at wasn't good enough to save my mother. I should have saved her. I shouldn't have moved out of the way. I should have been faster. Or maybe none of this ever would've happened if I never suited up in the first place. If I didn't become Blue Blur, my mother wouldn't be dead.
                          
It might be partially my fault my mother is dead, but that doesn't change the fact that I still blame Natalia Mendoza. When I finally find her, I'm going to rip her limb from limb, mask or no mask. I don't care. All I cared about was making her suffer, making her pay for what she'd done.
                          
The torture was my revenge. I wish I could keep her alive to make sure her suffering lasted, but I knew I couldn't. Letting her live was too risky. I had to kill her if I wanted to make sure the city was safe, along with the rest of my friends and family. I wouldn't mess it all up this time around.
                          
I didn't care who I'd have to go through to get to her. I'd kill them as long as it meant I could finally get to her.
                          
Just to make sure I would be ready, I had been training myself. Frankly, I was doing better by myself than I ever was with Kieran. Whenever I reached my limit, I pushed harder, even though it hurt. I embraced the pain. In fact, I loved it. It took away from the inner turmoil I felt. I'd rather be broken physically than mentally.
                          
But that wasn't the case. It was too late for that.
                          
I was finally seeing a significant increase in my speed without any supplements like coffee. My current speed was 500 miles per hour. I wondered how fast I could have gone if I did take supplements. Maybe I could break the speed of sound.
                          
I never really did see my father after my mother's funeral. He never left his room when he was home. Whenever he left for work or came back, he'd do everything he could to avoid me.
                          
Was it because I didn't save her? Did he know I was Blue Blur? Was he disappointed? Did he hate me, or did he never love me in the first place? Was he scared of me? Did I look too much like my mother? Was I reminder of what he had lost?
                          
I didn't know why my father did what he did. I never truly understood him. I use to think I saw a part of him in me, the heroic side, but I didn't see it anymore. Neither of us were heroes.
                          
All I knew is that I wanted my father, but he apparently didn't want me. It burned. He was one of the only people I had left.
                          
Aubrey never called. Kit and Devin tried to stop by once but I told them to leave. I didn't know why. I needed them, but for some reason, I wanted to look strong. I didn't want anybody to see how weak I was underneath, how broken I was. I didn't want them to know I needed them.
                          
My grandpa was the only person who I couldn't get to leave me alone. I knew he was just trying to make me feel better and keep me safe, but I didn't want that. I didn't want him to see right through me.
                          
"Sabrina," he started. "I think it's time we take a trip. We haven't been on a vacation in a few years. I think we need one. Don't you?"
                          
I looked down at the cup of water in my hands. We were in the library, lounging in the comfy leather chairs, surrounded by books. He was the first to break the rather comfortable silence.
                          
"My dad won't come with us," I stated.
                          
"He never has. I'm sorry, Sabrina. I know you miss her. I miss her too."
                          
He would never miss her like I did, though. I stood up and dusted myself off. "I can't go right now. Why don't we wait until Christmas? I think Dad will come with us then."
                          
My grandpa tilted his head, confusion crossing his face. He set his drink down, grabbed his cane, and walked towards me until he was close enough to put a hand on my shoulder. "I've been thinking about moving for awhile now, Sabrina. Iron Beach isn't the same city it use to be. It's corrupted, and it corrupts the people in it."
                          
I pulled away, disgusted. I couldn't just run away. I had to find Kieran. I needed to make Natalia pay.
                          
I stormed out of the library, slamming the door shut behind me. I could hear my angry stomps on the marble floor as rage an ember of rage sparked in my chest, quickly growing into a blazing inferno. My vision hazed as I thought of all the ways I could make Natalia hurt like I was hurting.
                          
I needed a better plan. I needed one that I could stick to, one that would work. I had to kill Natalia soon. I couldn't take the anger and pain anymore.
                          
But I'd need help to take her down. A cold feeling settled in my chest. I'd need Dark Skies.
                          
I walked outside and looked up at the bright blue sky. It made me even angrier. How can the world just go on when I feel like this? How can other people be happy in this hellhole of a city when all it comes with is grief?
                          
I sighed, trying to let go of the tight feeling in my chest. It wouldn't leave me. It didn't matter what I did. It just wouldn't go away, not until I got rid of her.
                          
I thought back to the time I was on the roof with Kieran. Tears welled in my eyes as I looked down and clenched my fists.
                          
I just had to hold on for tomorrow. If relief didn't come by then, I'd wait for the next.