I was sat on the sofa, Mark next to me. I was shaking, staring at the floor. I didn't want to make any eye contact with Mark, not even for a second.
"So...specifically, what are you upset about? Are you still not over Alex or is it cuz you and Felix fell out? Or just the fact that he's dating your ex?"
I didn't know what to say. In these situations I normally just said nothing. But I knew I couldn't this time. I had to say something. Ideally the truth.
"It's two of those things."
"So I'm guessing that...maybe you're still not over Alex?" I shook my head.
"I'm over her. I wasn't with her long enough to miss her. I just don't like them being together."
"Oh...well, why's that?" I was really about to tell him. The secret I had kept for so long, the biggest one I bad. He was about to know about it. I was trembling. I felt sick. I was convinced if I tried to talk I would throw up.
"Well...I, uh..." My palms were clammy. The whole room was spinning and I was short of breath. If it was so bad telling Mark, how would I cope if I ever had to tell Felix?
"Promise you won't say anything...to anyone, please." He put a hand on my shoulder reassuringly.
"Yeah, I promise."
"I uh..."
"Go on, its alright."
"I h-have a crush on Felix." His eyes widened and he moved his hand away from my shoulder.
"Really?" I nodded, not even able to speak anymore. I was crying again. The way he moved his hand away from me, as if he was ashamed and disgusted. I didn't want to lose my other best friend. I began to cry even more due to the thought of it. That's when he wrapped his arms around me in a warm hug.
"It's alright. It's ok." He told me over and over again in an attempt to make me feel better. In a way it just made me feel even worse. But at least he seemed like he wasn't disgusted with me.
"So you like Felix? That's why you were upset?" I nodded.
"Is that also why you ran out of my house? Cuz you saw him and Marzia kissing?" I nodded again. I just couldn't speak. I couldn't find the words. If I talked I'd either cry even more or throw up. He stopped hugging me now and leaned back.
"How long have you liked him for?"
"About 4 years..." I managed to say.
"4 years?!"
"Yup."
"And you kept it a secret for that long?"
"I'm good at keeping secrets."
"Well, you sure are." I wiped the tears from my eyes, calming down slightly.
"Why don't you just tell him how you feel? What's the worse that could happen?" I looked up at him and rolled my eyes.
"1, he's dating Alex and 2, I could lose him. He could think I'm really weird, he wouldn't wanna be around me anymore, and I'd lose him. If I can't have him as my boyfriend, I at least want him as my best friend."
"What if him and Alex aren't dating and its all just a big misunderstanding?"
"He told me he had a crush on her and the next day they were hanging out and holding hands. Does that not scream 'Fuck you Jack we're a couple now'?"
"People hold hands all the time. They've probably just become good friends."
"Yeah. Very good friends." I hated it. The thought of them together. And I knew they were, there was no doubt about it.
"Just give it a shot. You never know...you might get lucky."
"Felix doesn't even like guys."
"He might. You kept the secret that you like guys from us for 4 years. He might be doing the exact same." Mark had a point. But I still highly doubted that he liked guys. Even if he did, he wouldn't like me. Nobody likes me. I'm not good enough for anybody.
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4 Years | Jelix
Fanfiction4 years. For 4 years, Jack had had a crush on his best friend, Felix. And for 4 years he kept that a secret. But now is it time for him to tell someone? Or will that only make things go horribly wrong? Completed Sequel 'Hit and Run' has been publish...
