break

                                    

                                          
this got deleted halfway, so i took a break. i'm still heated about it...
•
raindrop fell onto the glass windshield. my eyes focused on the red light as i waited impatiently for it to turn green. soft music played throughout the car, it was my attempt to drown out my thoughts. it wasn't helping much. 
                          
the cardboard box slid back in the seat as i pushed my foot on the gas. i glanced over to see the hoodie hung over the side and the photos scattered around. i swallowed hard and shook my head. 
                          
this is what's best. we can't keep hurting each other, it's not fair to either of us. it needs to be cut off now before it gets worse. 
                          
i pulled into the long driveway that his black Jeep was parked in. i came to a stop right beside it, took the key out of the ignition before gripping the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles turned white. 
                          
shawn and i decided to take a break about a month ago. we didn't want to break up, but we were sick of arguing, and needed to work on things. we thought that was the best thing for us.
                          
a few weeks ago, i got a call from one my friends. she told me that she had seen shawn at a dinner party. he had his arm wrapped around a new girl that was practically glued to his side. photos swirled around social media, and printed into every teen magazine, before being put on a shelf and sold for 2.99. 
                          
i tried calling and texting shawn, but all i got were voicemails and unread text messages. that's why i'm now standing in front of his door with the feeling of my heart slowly breaking in my chest. 
                          
i lifted my knuckles to the wooden door and knocked softly. I heard shuffling behind the door before it opened up revealing him. i swallowed hard as i met his bloodshot eyes. 
                          
he was wearing a maroon hoodie and black gym shorts. his usual perfectly styled hair was now sticking up everywhere. his cheeks had lost their usual light pink tint to them. he didn't look like himself at all. 
                          
"y/n," he breathed out of my name, his eyes drifted from mine down to the box in my hands. his brows pushed together in confusion as he quickly looked back up. "w-what are you doing?" 
                          
"i came by to drop off your things," i swallowed the lump growing in my throat before handing them over to him.
                          
"wait, why?" he asked shaking his head.
                          
"i saw the girl you're with now," i rubbed my arm nervously.
                          
"please come in so we can talk about this." he said opened the door more for me to step in. i was hesitant and first, but i walked in. 
                          
the warm home was all too familiar. the picture frame hung up along the walls, some of us and the rest of him and his family. he led me into the living room and sat down on the leather couch. 
                          
he sat the box down beside his feet and placed his hand on my knee. i moved away making him close his eyes and turn his head before sighing. 
                          
"Andrew invited her, he was tired of me complaining and being a mess. he also wanted me to get some publicity since it seemed as if I went MIA," he began. 
                          
he looked up to meet my eyes, "the press was there, and they figured it would be the perfect time for it to happen. that's when the photos were taken. it was all a publicity stunt." he said trying to grab my hand. 
                          
"Shawn, I called you and texted you way more than i should have." i said pushing my brows together. 
                          
"my phone is broken, i got into a fight and we both took a tumble into the pool." he said trying to smile a little. 
                          
"why?" I asked shocked.
                          
"i went to Matt's for a small get together, and Cameron was there," he rubbed his neck nervously.
                          
i sighed and shook my head. ever since magcon broke up, Shawn and Cameron haven't been on the best terms. it also didn't help that Cameron was my ex-boyfriend.
                          
"he said some things, i said some things, next thing we know we're getting kicked out soaked from our head to our toes." he explained.
                          
i stayed silent trying to process all of this. my heart was racing. shawn tried to hold my hand again, and this time i let him. he looked somewhat relived.
                          
"i'm sorry, i should have contacted you someway or drove out to see you. I've been a wreck the past month without you." he said looking down at our intertwined hands that he was tracing. 
                          
"i love you, and I'm sorry." he said placing his hand on my cheek as he looked into my eyes intensely. 
                          
"i love you too." I whispered as his lips inched closer to mine. 
                          
we definitely would never take another break.