18

                                    

                                          

Yazmine 
                          
"So how are you feeling about everything?"
                          
My mother peered into my eyes from where she sat across from me at the kitchen table. Anyone who knew me could tell I had been battling my emotions since we found out Devonte was a father. I knew Devonte wouldn't push me to talk, he wasn't a pusher. My mom would though. But it was okay because I wanted to tell her. 
                          
"I mean, I don't really know. I'm surprised, and I'm worried everything is going to change but I feel like worrying about my feelings is selfish, you know? This ain't about me, this is about Devonte being in his son's life, finally."
                          
"It's a little about you, though. Don't think your feelings are invalid. You're Devonte's girlfriend, and the way you two talk about each other, you see a future with each other. So it's a little about you. And things will change, but not necessarily for the worse."
                          
"I guess." I reached for my glass of iced tea and took a sip, first giving it a stir. " I can't be mad, Jesus. And I'm not even mad, actually. As long as Renee isn't on some bullshit, I think Devonte having a son will be a good thing for him."
                          
"Ohh yeah, what's she like?" My mom wrinkled her nose. 
                          
"I don't know," I said laughing at the face she made. "I haven't met her, but it don't seem like she wanna keep Devonte away from him. Which is weird cuz that's what she did for two years but whatever."
                          
"That is weird." Getting up from the table, my mom went to the stove to check the pots that were simmering. She was making curry chicken and rice for lunch, but when I got there it wasn't ready. Lunch with my mom was a rare thing, since she was a workaholic. So it was something I always looked forward to. 
                          
I hopped up too, to look in the pots. Looked done to me, but my mom closed the lids back. "It's not done?"
                          
"No, with your impatient self."
                          
"Impatient?" I looked at her incredulously. "I been here a whole hour waiting!"
                          
"Yaz sit down," laughed my mom. "Drink your tea, eat your salad."
                          
I slunk back to my seat. "Fineeeee."
                          
"How are you?"
                          
"What do you mean?"
                          
"It just seems like lately you been consumed by Devonte's stuff. What about Yaz stuff? Don't lose yourself in any relationship no matter how great it seems to be..."
                          
"I don't think I'm losing myself, Mommy."
                          
"I'm not saying you are, honey, I'm just saying don't do it."
                          
"I mean, everything is good. School is good, I secured the job I wanted for the summer, and my professor really liked my paintings so he's been showing them in his gallery."
                          
"That's amazing! You didn't tell me you're art is hanging in a real gallery, Yaz!"
                          
"I mean, it's not that big of a deal," I said shrugging. "He's got his own gallery, in downtown Indy, so it wasn't hard for him to do-"
                          
"Yeah but still he had to like your work to select it." She tapped my nose. "Don't sell yourself short. You're an incredible artist. I have no idea where you get it from, because I can't draw stick figures and your dad-yeah he can't draw either."
                          
We shared a laugh at that. A timer beeped and my mother finally got up and turned off the stove burners. My stomach was
anticipating the meal. I started to get up but she pointed to me. "Sit."
                          
My mother came back to the table and got our plates. Watching her fix my plate reminded me of a time when I was much younger. The older I got, the less I saw my mother in the kitchen. Zaria or Zaire used to make sure I ate. My mom was always working. I never resented her for it though, because she made time for her kids. But her working so much made me and my siblings super close, because they were always watching me and looking out for me. 
                          
Now they were all grown up, with families and lives of their own. But it didn't mean they didn't still try and look out for me. Shit, Zaire dropped a whole bomb on my relationship. And as mad as I was at him then, I wasn't now. He was just trying to look out for me, something he had tried to do his whole life. 
                          
"Thanks Mommy." My mother sliding a plate of food in front of me tore me from my thoughts. We spent the rest of the meal catching up, talking about unimportant things. Taking a break from my relationship with a rapper and his baby momma and the lack of drama to reminisce and shit, worry about other people's lives. 
                          
*****
                          
When I stepped into Tae's condo, I have expected to stumble across a sleeping Armon, or trip over a wayward toy. I was being ridiculous, though. I knew Renee had picked Armon up a long time ago. 
                          
"Tae?" I called as I entered the darkened living room. The house was quiet, which was unusual. Usually, the sounds of 2K filled the air. 
                          
"What's up?" Came Devonte's sleepy voice. I jumped a little as he sat up in the couch, his shape unclear in the dark.
                          
"Oh my bad, I ain't know you was sleep."
                          
"I ain't gonna hold you, the kid wore me the fuck out," Devonte said. His voice was gravelly.
                          
I giggled. "What did you expect he's like two, he's full of energy."
                          
"Yeah, I know. I know."
                          
I walked into the living room, flicking on some lights. Plopping into the couch, I snuggled up to Devonte. He was warm, and not only that, he felt safe. I always felt safe in his arms. "How was your day, though?" He asked, softly. 
                          
It was a tentative question. I knew what he really wanted to know. He wanted to ask how I felt about this whole situation. But he didn't ask that. He asked me how my day was. So I told him. 
                          
" It was good. Me and my mom had a nice, long talk. I guess I ain't realize how much of my life she's been missing out on."
                          
"You talk to her like everyday though."
                          
"Yeah, but still. She ain't even know about the paintings in the gallery. I feel like I tell her everything but I guess I don't."
                          
"It's good you have a good relationship with your mom. Don't take that shit for granted."
                          
"I don't, I really don't." I shifted subjects. "How did it go for you though? Besides the crying. And the getting wore out?"
                          
"I mean it wasn't as hard as I thought it was gonna be when Armon stopped crying. You were right, he just don't know me so he ain't comfortable. I ain't gonna lie that shit kinda kills me, my own son not knowing me. But he's smart as hell for his age. Me and the kid was having full conversations," he said chucking. 
                          
"Aww, look at Daddy Devonte."
                          
"Shit, I been daddy, fuck you talking about," he snickered.
                          
"Shut uppppp." That made me bust out laughing and as I giggled Devonte pounced on me. "What is you doing?" Still laughing, I tried to squirm away.
                          
But he started ticking me, and my laughing grew uncontrollable. "So you saying I ain't daddy?"
                          
"No you ain't nigga, I have a father!" I couldn't take it anymore. "Stop, Tae, stopppp."
                          
He finally stopped tickling me, and just held me in his arms. I relaxed into his embrace. Of course I did, I was in his arms. 
                          
It was my favorite place to be.

                          
Something light.