consequences pt.2 ~ jonah

                                    

                                          

Hesitation
                          
Jonah paced around his living room. He was shaking. Everything was spinning. It had been exactly three months and fourteen days since you stormed out of his apartment, but that isn't what he remembers. What he remembers is that it had been three months and fourteen days since he let you walk away. He knew he shouldn't do this, but he had to. He needed to see you, talk to you. He really didn't know why. Closure? Just missing you? Maybe he just needed to see you one more time so he could move on. He took a deep breath before nodding and grabbing his coat off the back of the chair. He swung the door open and started down the hall to the parking garage. Once he got to his car, he felt a tinge of fear in his gut. He ignored it though. He knew that if he didn't start the car and begin driving, he would turn around. The keys went into the ignition and the car hummed in response. He stepped on the gas and drove to your apartment. Jonah's fingers tapped nervously on the steering wheel the entire drive. Once he reached your floor, the panic set in. Hesitantly, he lifted his fist to knock on the door. He never thought he would be knocking on your door again. After you gave him a key he thought the next time he'd have to knock on your door was when you two lived together and his hands were too full of groceries to open it himself. His hand made contact with the door and he waited, both his breath and heart heavy. 
                          
Awkward conversation 
                          
You were sitting on the couch, Jane the Virgin playing in the background.You weren't really watching, mostly just zoned out. A knock on the door pulled you from your scrambled thoughts. You stood up, turning off the tv and walked to the door. When you opened it, your eyes met with those of a broken man. He looked so different. His eyes were dark and heavy, his frame was little thinner, he clearly hadn't shaved in at least a week and his overall demeanour was just off. Nothing like the man you left behind. "Jo-Jonah" you stuttered out. His eyes raked over you. You were different too. You wore no makeup, you hair hadn't been washed in a few days and your face wasn't bright. Jonah remembered how you used to be. Happy, glowing. He felt nothing but guilt, he felt as though he took that away from you. "Um, what are you doing here?" You swallowed. Jonah's eyes came up to yours again. "I-I don't know."
                          
Running on low expectation
                          
Jonah sat at your table, his hands wrapped around a warm mug. You were sitting on top of the island in the middle of the kitchen. Neither of you expected anything from this visit, you didn't expect your relationship to change or get better, you didn't expect to rebuild it. The atmosphere changed when you let Jonah into your home though. It felt warm again, safe again. Happy again. You tried your best not to get your hopes up. Every part of you wanted to run to him, to kiss him and hold him and tell him how much you missed him. Your body craved him and your heart ached, having him so close to you, knowing you couldn't do anything because you knew he didn't love you. The conversation had died down and you sat in a comforting silence. Jonah looked up from his drink. His gaze settled on you and he never wanted it to be disrupted. He watched as you breathed, your chest rising and falling. His eyes traveled your body, a smile reaching his face for the first time in months. It was you that he wanted, you that made him smile and you that made him so much better. It had always been you, he had just been too naive and stupid to realize it. 
                          
Every siren that I was ignoring 
                          
So many things inside of Jonah were screaming at him, begging him not to tell you what he so desperately wanted to. He knew he needed to move on, but what if you still loved him? What if these past three months of pure hell was what he needed in order to come back to you. You could feel his eyes burning through you. You knew he was looking at you, but you were surprised when you noticed how he was looking at you. It was the same way he had when you were together, when you were so helplessly in love with one another. You lifted your head to look into his eyes. You missed his eyes so much. Although they were different now, they didn't have peace and joy in them, more like a stormy night that needed to be calmed but couldn't quite get that far. "What?" You finally broke through the quiet that blanketed your apartment. His eyes flicked up to yours, smile growing wider. "Nothing." He gently stated. You gave him a questioning look, "mmk." You had a smirk of your own resting on your parted lips. You hopped off the counter to place your cup in the sink. You heard the chair slide agonist the floor tiles as Jonah stood up. "Y/n, I love you."
                          
I'm payin' for it
                          
Your breath hitched when the words came tumbling out of his mouth. Your back still facing him, you spoke "what?" Your voice was quiet, as if you didn't believe him. "I love you, y/n" he repeated gently. You could feel him coming closer to you. You turned around. Your face had distress written across it. "Why? Why now?" Jonah didn't move. "Look, I know I'm probably too late, that you've moved on or your over me." He took in a breath before continuing. "But I am so far from any of that. I miss you so much, everything hurts. I don't know who I am without you." "I just really wish I knew that before you- before I let you- walk away." You stood there, dumbfounded. He wasn't really saying these words was he? Jonah stepped closer to you and held your arms when he noticed the tears under your eyes. "Jonah, I am a mess, ever since we split, I haven't been able to do anything." He nodded, tears slipping from his eyes. "I am so sorry baby" he whispered with a cracking voice. "Jonah, I love you so much, but please, I cannot go through this again" you were crying now. "I will not pay these consequences, not again, I'm just not strong enough" your voice faltered. Jonah pulled you against his chest, arms wrapping tightly around you. "Me neither" he said against your hair. After what felt like a lifetime, you separated. "Y/n, will you be my girlfriend again?" He asked you hopefully. A wide smile crept onto your face, your tears turning to those of joy. "Yes." Jonah's eyes lit up. He cupped your cheeks in his hands. They were warm and soft, you missed this so much. He leaned down to meet your lips. The kiss was so desperate, it felt that if you let him go he would slip away again. You brought your arms around his neck, your fingers pulling gently on his hair. "I'm, so sorry" he mumbled against your lips. "Me too" you said once you pulled apart for air. He looked down at you  you lifted a hand to stroke his cheek. "I love you Jonah." "I love you too"he said before kissing you again. 
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A/n: hello loves, shoutout to cheerfulbesson  for asking for this! i really hope you enjoyed :) ngl almost cried writing this