tragic, isnt it?

                                    

                                          
Authors Note; this chapter involves terminal illnesses, if that's a sensitive spot of yours/ makes you uncomfortable , skip to the next chapter. 
I worked really hard on this chapter so anyone who is okay with this kind of content, I hope you will enjoy (: 
-
As I stared at the white walls I wanted to decorate for over months, I sensed the feeling of a painful pressure on my head and neck, figuring it's a headache. 
It could be the stress or the anxiety that I've been dealing with for the past month, but it was a lot harder than that. 
It was like someone stabbed hundreds of knifes all over my upper head.
And with all the power that was left in my body I tried protecting myself from the knifes but failed.
It was a lot more stronger then me. 
But why would I even fight knowing who would be the winner at the end of the battle? 
"Hello?" My raspy voice broke the horribly silence that the room was filled with. 
I didn't made any contact with someone over weeks, 
Interacting seemed too hard
"You actually answered! I'm glad! To be honest I was so worried about you" Tom answered from the other side of the phone. 
In the one hand I was relived that someone really cared about me for the past weeks, 
But in the other hand I couldn't stop but wonder, if he was so worried about me why haven't he checked? Came by? 
"Yeah I um- Fine really Fine, couldn't be better" I replied sensing the feeling of my mouth burning, 
It was nothing but the lies that poured out like hot lava. 
"Thank god. since I haven't seen you for way too long I was wondering if you'd like to grab a drink with me and Harrison, you know just like the old days" Tom cheered happily, I could actually feel him smile foolishly through the phone. 
"Yeah, I don't see a reason why not" I stuttered 
"Great! Well, it's already nine pm, I'll see you at the bar at ten?" He questioned probably hoping for a positive answer. 
I Couldn't decline, I didn't have the heart to do it to him. 
"Okay, hope they'll let you drink, you know you still look like a fourteen year old boy or something" I joked adding a fake smile he can't see. 
"I'm fifteen!" He replied jokingly making me let out a forced giggle. 
Even though thinking back at that scene that took many many takes in Spider-Man homecoming but made us laugh our heads off made me feel nostalgic. 
He ended the call and I placed the phone down. 
I didn't had the power to stay awake and go to a bar, but I forced it upon myself since I didn't had the power to break someone's heart twice. 
And he doesn't even have a clue that I broke it even once, yet . 
I felt my pacing getting quicker after I walked past a group of boys smoking, if something ever bothered me it was the smell of cigarettes. 
Yet people love doing that to themselves, hurting themselves with those tiny killers in the shape of a little log, but I'm not the one to judge. 
My eyes focused closely on the sign ahead of me that was clearly belong to the bar, and right aside of it I could see those two boys I haven't seen for the past weeks. 
"Z! Hey you!" Harrison yelled as I got a little closer. 
"Why are you walking? Run to us, we wanna give you a big ass hug!" He added making me sigh sadly, 
What about my bones, can I..? I wondered sadly looking at my hands. 
I ignored the affects that could happen and instead just ran. 
My legs started to tremble a bit and I felt myself getting in a lack of air. 
"Hey" I breathed out a second before I thought I'd pass out, I grabbed onto Harrison's shirt and sat down slowly. 
"You Okay? You look like you just ran a marathon" Harrison asked suspiciously 
"Yeah I guess I'm just a bit tired" I replied avoiding talking about me, a typical thing of me to do. 
"Let's order some drink shall we" Tom said changing the topic while dragging me And Harrison with him. 
Two hours has eventually passed and it was near midnight, I was about to leave and say goodbyes when Tom cleared his throat in an attempt of getting attention. 
"Can we go outside? I need to tell you something" Tom begged making eye contact. 
I agreed feeling the heavy smell of alcohol and the massive hotness in the bar. 
"I always wanted to tell you something, but also too afraid to do so" Tom started reaching for my cheek. 
"I- I'm" he stuttered Like a cat bit his tongue. 
"There's no other way of saying it expect" 
He took a deep breath and leaned in, I could feel his hot breath against my face and in a matter of seconds his lips were on mine. 
I kissed back, I wasn't thinking. 
I liked him too, I wanted to be his, but too soon realized I can't. 
I massively pulled away and a shocked expression washed my face. 
"What" Tom whispered madly backing off me and putting his hands in his pockets. 
"Don't you like me?" He asked angrily and his face got tensed and nervous at the same time. 
"Why did you kissed me back if?" He added getting angrier by every word he spat out of his mouth. 
I could feel my whole body tense up and my feeling got mixed with awkwardness shock and madness. 
"I like you!" He screamed at the top of his lungs 
"You can't like me!" I screamed back while my whole face got red and the madness took over me. 
"You can't like me! I have cancer!" I screamed feeling tears stung my eyes as I brought my hand around and rubbed my forehead. 
Tears flooded my eyes and spilled down my cheeks as I let out a loud sob. 
He slowly brought his hand up and covered his jaw that dropped at my words. 
"Bone cancer, I found out in the start of the month. It's not stoppable, it has already spread in my entire body, it's only a matter of when-" I stopped feeling my throat getting heavy by the amount of tears that poured out of my eyes like rain. 
"I don't want you to be sorry for me" I whispered before getting completely quite. 
Toms horrified face turned into a sad expression and he rubbed his eyes. 
"Why is cancer stopping you from a relationship with me? You can't let cancer control you" he whispered with a worried yet understanding look in his eyes 
"I can't be with you, it will break your heart when I die, I can't do that to you, I'm like a grande" I quoted the last word from one of my favorite books
'The fault in our stars'
"Breaking my heart by you worths it" he quoted back while shedding a tear. 
"I want to be with you Tom.
I don't know how much time I have left but what I do know is that I want to spend it with you. Can we?" I cried out reaching for his trembling hand . 
"We can. We can always try" he whispered before pulling me in a warm sad embrace. 
It's tragic isn't it? Starting a story knowing it will have a sad ending.