Chapter 17

                                    

                                          
Adam POV
                          
*BIG TRIGGER WARNING *
                          
I got up from the bed feeling frustrated with what just happened, did Tommy just dominate me? 
                          
I walked down the stairs and saw him sitting on the sofa but when I was about to jump on him but I  noticed his head was on his knees and his blonde hair was covering his face,
                          
"TJ?" I said in a quite soft voice causing his head to snap up. His eyes were red and his face was stained with tears. One minute he was giving me a blow job and how he's crying on my sofa what is going on. 
                          
I walked over to him and pulled him towards me so his head was lying on my chest.
                          
"I'm sorry" he whispered before completely burning his face into my chest. 
                          
"Hey, what for? Please don't cry baby" I said playing with his hair to try calm him down which to my luck worked.
                          
He looked up at me again and I could tell he was trying to find the words of what to say but every time be opened his mouth nothing came out. 
                          
"Take it easy Tommy, I'm here" but before I could finish what I was saying he spoke. 
                          
"But I didn't stop him" he said before placing a soft hand on my jawline causing a sharp pain to run up my face. I hissed at the feeling causing him to flinch back. I honestly forgot Suali punched me in the jaw because Tommy made me forget. 
                          
I looked into his eyes and I could see the pain rushing from them.
                          
"I'm okay, I've had worse" I said trying to comfort him. I pulled the small boy onto my lap and wrapped my arms around his waist then softly kissed him on the forehead. "Everything will be okay, we have tour in two days he will never be back again" he looked up at me and opened his mouth again but once again no words came out. "Deep breaths Tommy, you can talk to me".
                          
He looked deep into my eyes "Adam...I..I think I'm falling for you" I felt my heart skip a beat. Was this really happening? Tommy Joe liked me? My bassist? Can this happen I'm his boss. 
                          
I could see the worry in his eyes probably cause of how long I was thinking but my mind was going at 1000 miles an hour. 
                          
"Tommy" I said but was quickly cut off.
                          
"This can't happen cause your my boss and you don't even like me, I know I just had to say it out in the open" he said looking down at his lap. I could see the pain in his eyes but sadly he was partly right, I was his boss and even though I'm close with everyone I work with me and Tommy have had a different connection from the others one I can't describe but he was wrong about one thing.
                          
"Tommy I'm sorry I wish I could say this could work but I'm just out a relationship which really fucked with my head and as you said" he cut me off once again but this time by standing up off my lap.
                          
"I'm going to go" he said looking down at his feet I knew he didn't want me to finish speaking but I quickly grabbed his wrist to stop him from walking away. 
                          
"Tommy you are one of the most beautiful, talented, best kissing guy I have ever been with and I'm so lucky I've gotten to do the things I've done with you but my job comes first, it always has that's why me and Suali broke up. I'm not a good boyfriend. I'm selfish, I will hurt you and I never want to see you in pain" by this point I could feel tears running down my face. Why did it feel like a horrible break up and my heart was breaking into two pieces never to heal again?
                          
Tommy opened his mouth but stopped himself from talking and simply nodded before pulling himself from my grip and started walking towards my front door. 
                          
He put his hand on the handle but before leaving he turned around.
                          
"I'll see you tomorrow Mr Lambert" and with that he was gone. 
                          
I've never ran so fast to my bathroom in all my life. I slammed the door so hard the walls shook. I slid down the bathroom door and I think I honestly was crying harder now from when Suali broke up with me. Why did my heart hurt so much we weren't even dating he was just a friend. 
                          
A friend that I fucked about with because I haven't had sex in a while there was no relationship about it, so why did it hurt so much? 
                          
I stood up feeling my knees weak from under me. I quickly grabbed the first thing that came to hand which was my vintage hand razor blade. I watched as the light bounced off the blade then quickly took of my shirt, the same shirt I've been wearing for the past two days because I stayed at Tommy's house. 
                          
I started to leave deep cuts all over my ribs and stomach making pain rush all over my body but this was a different pain from the pain I was originally feeling. This pain I caused and deserved. This pain was the pain my body was begging for. 
                          
I felt my head start to spin so I grabbed onto the bathroom skin hoping that would keep me up. I wasn't finished. I wanted everything to end. I couldn't see Tommy tomorrow. His perfect face so broken, it would hurt too much so I kept going. 
                          
Cutting away till I felt so numb and all I could see was red.
                          
I could feel all my blood running down my chest and dripping onto my jeans and onto the floor. 
                          
My vision got fuzzy and soon enough I lost all strength and dropped the blade and collapsed to the floor. 
                          
I could still feel the tears running down my face but this is what I get for hurting something of such beauty. I hope he finds someone who will treat him like the prince he is like I wish I could. 
                          
"I'm so sorry" I whispered before everything went black. 
                          


                          
Hi guys it's Adam. I'm so sorry for the depressing chapter but I hope you enjoyed it. Please stay safe and if you ever feel down feel free to contact me or Tommy <3 
                          
We love you all x