Grief And Moving On

                                    

                                          
Brother's POV
Just as the person disappears now declared living. That family would be happy I thought. A nurse comes in and says, "Hi ma'am and sir, we would like to inform you that Hannah is alive and well." I felt like screaming and I did, "What the hell! Really?" I don't think I've ever been that happy. I almost hopped out of my bed but then the stinging pain reminded me to not move so suddenly. I wince.
                          
They say we had to wait for a while until she is stabile. I mean she has been in a refrigerator for a few days or so. I can see the dark cloud of unhappiness unveiling into happiness, I no longer have to plan her funeral. When we are finally allowed in, I am in a wheelchair, it is like when you go up a mountain and then all of a sudden you trip and fall to your death. This is exactly how I feel when she asks, "Who're you?" Then the doctor decides to speak, "Can I talk to you guys outside please?" When he walks out he starts talking again, "Hannah is suffering with amnesia. I'm sorry to say that it could be permanent and it's probably better if it is, so she never remembers the things she went through. It could be traumatic for her and we wouldn't want what's left of her life to be destroyed by constant memories. We suggest you make sure she knows you are her family but she doesn't seem to remember even her name so, anyways you can make her start all over and live a normal life." 
                          
I decide to confirm what I am hearing, "So we only tell her the important stuff and we don't talk about her family at all." He just nods and says, "It's for the best." I feel like screaming that it isn't for the best. I just can't fathom her not remembering me and her not constantly talking about her brother. I just decide to listen but at the same time I will decide to do whatever I want when I think she is ready. 
                          
After introducing ourselves and the doctors telling her we are her family we go home. She is carelessly walking and skipping about like a child. She remembers the important things about life but not personal things. She remembers school and all her subjects. Her level. She doesn't know who the people are though and she doesn't seem to know she had enemies in the world and I guess that's great. 
                          
I decide I should take her to school and stay by her throughout the day but my parents say she should be kept home for a week so she can come back to the reality of how life works. So they give her a week's break. I don't want her to go back to school and face all those people and their sympathy and pity. They might remind her of what has happened so I decide to make an announcement when I go there without her for the first week. She is now in grade 11, we made sure she did the exams and passed. She's a great kid so she deserves a great life. Our relationship go back to normal, mostly, but she seems skeptical like she is remembering things or just curious. I wouldn't know, I'm not in her brain. I wish she could be the old her though but I know that is very unfair of me. I can't remind her of everything and see her remember everything. I just can't see her unhappy again. I like her this way and that's why I decide that if the memories come then good for her but if they don't than I could care less. 
                          
She eats like a horse now. I am happy to see her this way. We have to pace her though, because she eats too fast and too much so it could cause problems with her digestion or something. I honestly can't remember. Her grades are amazing too, it is just great to see her this way. The weird thing is that I think it's in her subconscious because she wakes up screaming sometimes. I mean it's been that way since day one, where she has absolutely horrifying nightmares but I don't think she knows that they actually happened. It's just amazing how things can go back to normal, but just not be normal anymore.
                          
Her and Bailey become best of friends, they make each other outgoing. No one bullies her because I threaten them with death and of course everyone takes it seriously. I just wish she could talk to me more. The most she says is good morning, goodnight and how are you doing? It's like she knows somethings off. I just decide to confront her so I go to her room and say, "Hey Hannah, can we talk?" She nods. So I go in and she just looks at me as if I'm a bad guy. "Can you tell me why you're treating me differently?" I ask patiently. "I don't know how I used to treat you. Honestly I don't know who I used to be. I just can't seem to remember. I feel I can't trust anyone, I mean I have dreams that are so vivid that I can't seem to bring myself to think they aren't real. It is the same dream every night but it's so real. Will you tell me if it's real? Honest?" She asks pleadingly. I nod knowing I am going to regret this. She exhales sharply and proceeds to say, "Did I die?" I am dumbfounded. I never expected that but I guess her memories are coming backwards or are more self centered. I just look at her for a few minutes. I just decide to not speak because I don't trust myself to say it. I just nod like an idiot and her eyes pop out of their sockets. I can't lie to her like the doctor did because he said this is permanent and it doesn't seem permanent to me. I call him and give him a piece of my mind while he sighs for the entire call.
                          
I wish things are normal but they'll never be the same, especially if she starts remembering. Her memories are what made her who she is but they destroyed her everyday of her life just because of a man who remains nameless and my ex-best friend John who I blame myself for everyday.