The weirdo

                                    

                                          
Jan 5th
                          
I can't sleep! Stress is probably the cause of that, I hate myself for being like this. Any normal human would be able to go to sleep the night before school with no worry, well with little to no worry.
                          
I hate going back to school, going through hell almost every day. New term, same shit with the possibility of new faces; meaning introductions. And I'm in yr11 so exam prep! I can't do that, I'm behind with my art, psychology, and maths! I swear the only subject I'm good at is English. I'd be good at French too if my teacher wasn't so weird. Literally one lesson he heard me humming to the Pokemon theme and locked me in his closet until I'd translated the entire song into French, and then there's the cup thing... it's all very complicated and weird. 
                          
I rolled over to check the time and groaned as I saw the digits showing "1:03". I was going to be so tired tomorrow, and look horrible for my first day!  
I stared at the red digits illuminating the dark room, they were almost mocking me. The time slowly rolled by and yet sleep was still so far away.  
                          
Jan 6th
                          
It was Tuesday, but it felt like a Monday morning. I sat in Psychology alone, I was almost always first to class. But you know: first in, last to leave. Noticing a movement at the door I turned my head and there stood someone new. He was tall, with a black fringe that cascaded down his face, slightly covering his crystal blue eyes. I just wanted to stare forever but that would be weird and awkward so I turned away, a blush on my face.
                          
"Phil, finally back I see," the teacher chirped happily. He said nothing, just took the seat in front of me and started drawing in his book, like he wasn't even being spoken to by an elder at all. Something about him seemed fascinating. 
The sudden realisation of what I looked like hit me like a ton of bricks; he would never like me, my naturally curly hair was in my face constantly covering up the ugly, he probably wasn't even gay and even if he was I was too fat-
                          
"Dan! You have to hear what Kory said to me-" My thoughts were interrupted as one of my 'friends', Becky, burst through the door. Her voice annoying and high-pitched as she rambled on about her newest boyfriend. I barely paid attention to her slut like behaviours, all I could think about was how the hell she used to be my best friend! We used to talk all the time but now all she cares about is boys and make-up. Boys... I could ask her about Phil, but wait she doesn't know I'm gay. With her big mouth, that news would be around the school by next period 
"Dan! Are you listening to me? Daniel, stop staring at that Phil guy! He's a weirdo!" She burst out, I saw Phil go slightly red at that comment.
                          
"Huh, what?" I was pulled out of my trance and her words slowly sank into my brain, "why'd you call him a weirdo?" I asked, trying to hide my anger and keep myself expressionless
                          
"Because, well, he used to be cool and then something happened to his parents... you didn't know him before did you?" She asked me, I shook my head. I had moved to this school 2 years ago and spent the first year trying to fit in so I wouldn't notice someone that was hiding in the shadows. "Well he started to go all quiet, wouldn't talk. Then one day someone noticed his cuts, noticed that he doesn't eat. He's got problems, Dan," She whispered the last part as if to avoid hurting his feelings or just to impact the words more forcefully on me. I couldn't believe he cuts, I guess we're both problematic together.
                          
"Well I- I wasn't looking at him anyway," I lied
                          
"Yeah, well stay away from him," She told me. "He's weird "
                          
"I barely noticed him, I was just thinking about something." I fake smiled.
                          
"What?" I said nothing, trying to come up with a good lie which would get her easily distracted. "Come on tell me, I thought I was your friend!"
                          
"Just a- a girl." Wow worst choose of words ever. She bombarded me with questions about her, to which I gave one word answers and hoped the teacher would start teaching us soon.
                          
After the bell went I noticed that Phil rushed straight out, to my disappointment. I was hoping to talk to him but I can't now! How would I even talk to him anyway? I'm too shy and awkward and I'd probably just annoy him! I sighed
                          
"You okay?" Becky asked me. "You've been off all morning?"
                          
"Yeah I'm fine, just got a lot on my mind."
                          
It quickly became break time, I could smell the food before I even got near the dinner hall. The smell of fatty and unhealthy foods hit my nostrels so forcefully I thought I was going to throw up there and then. I instantly knew I'd just have some coffee at lunch and maybe a salad, that usually filled me up anyway. I walked into the dinner hall where I saw my friends talking together. Happy. I put on the best smile I could muster and made the journey over to them
                          
"Jess!" I shouted and ran over to the ginger haired girl.
                          
"Danny!" She replied and threw her skinny arms around me. We chatted for a bit but then I noticed Phil, all alone. He was leaning against a wall, arms folded, dark hair flopping into his face. Why did he intrigue me so much? Why was he so shy? Should I talk to him? No that would be weird! You can't just walk up to some random guy and say "hi".
                          
I put my own fringe over my eyes and looked at him through the gap sneakily, I saw him looking at me! I must've been mistaken though. Even so, my stomach dropped and filled with butterflies. I felt the little bugs inside me, pushing against the sides of my stomach, trying to get out.
                          
"Hey Jess?" I questioned suddenly, we were still in our friend group but the others were too busy having conversations of their own.
                          
"Hmm?" She responded.
                          
"I was wondering, what do you think of that Phil guy?" She looked at me confused. "The one over there." I pointed with my head. "Black hair, really shy."
                          
"Oh yeah, I can't really say much about him," she replied. "But his hair is a little weird, has he ever heard of a brush?" she laughed.
                          
Yeah, that's how he got his hair that way, he straightens it too. I can tell. So know you're facts! I quickly became annoyed at her, never before had I felt so defensive over someone. I imagined punching her to shut her up but instead, I put on a smile until her laughter died down and she started talking to the others whilst I just stood there, like an outsider. Thinking. Just thinking. About my friends, about their horrid attitudes and the drama they cause. Mostly, I thought about Phil though. Just before break ended I saw something out of the corner of my eye. A quick movement which made my head turn to look at it, just in time to see the full impact. Chris, the school bully, stood there. He grabbed at Phils hair and I could tell Phil was trying so hard not to cry, for some reason I stepped up. Pure anger, and maybe insanity, got the better of me as I yelled, "HEY!" without really thinking. "What the hell Chris?" 
Chris' angry face looked at me. His face that usually all the girls fell in love with him for was instead twisted in a way that looked similar to a wild animal.
                          
"Giving this little gay fuck what he deserves! So piss off posh boy." He clearly does not understanding that I'm actually not posh but more articulate.
                          
"No one deserves this!" I retorted. "Leave him alone, yeah!" It wasn't a question, it was more of a statement.
                          
"What!?" Chris looked confused but was trying to mask it as much as possible.
                          
"You heard me!" I replied "Lay. Off," I said each word slowly and with emphasis.
                          
"This isn't over," He said and flung Phils head away before storming off. His eyes closed shut as it connected with the wall and I felt pain myself. Deep inside my heart.
                          
"Shit! Phil are you okay?" I questioned but he ignored me.
                          
"You shouldn't have done that," was all he whispered, a bit breathless. I felt myself being tugged away. I turned to see Becky and pulled my arm roughly so she would release it.
                          
"what?"
                          
"You were attracting attention to yourself," She said and pointed towards the crowd of people which were around Phil, all looking (no staring) at me.
                          
"Well someone had to do something!" I raged, loud enough for everyone to hear because it was true.
                          
"Not for a weirdo like that Dan, you'll be classed as one too."
                          
"Good!" I stated and stormed away, looks like I can't do anything right after all.