17- No Motivation

                                    

                                          
I don't know what to do.
                          
I couldn't sleep. I'm not hungry. I don't want to go on a job. I don't want to go to the guild. I don't want to do anything.
                          
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
                          
Nothing makes sense. Nothing is the same. 
                          
Gray will try to pick senseless fights with me. Happy will be energized and chipper as always, even though there's not a reason to be. 
                          
Everything is normal there. Too normal.
                          
But that's how it should be. Lucy lives on wherever she is and Fairy Tail doesn't have a single trace of her.
                          
"Natsu?"
                          
I told my head just enough to see Happy from the corner of my eye.
                          
"Hmmm?"
                          
He eyes me warily.
                          
"What's wrong?"
                          
I close my eyes and tilt my head back up to face the ceiling.
                          
"I'm fine, Happy."
                          
Silence follows and I can tell that he's come closer.
                          
"No you're not. You've been laying in bed since we got back two days ago."
                          
I groan and bring my hands up to my face. I drag them down and sigh  with exasperation.
                          
"I'm just tired, Happy."
                          
He climbs up onto the bed and stops at the edge.
                          
"Is this about Igneel?"
                          
I lift my head up and look straight at Happy with a mix of surprise and annoyance.
                          
"Nothing's wrong Happy. I already told you."
                          
His arm reaches across himself and he looks away.
                          
"I know but you've just seemed out of it and I haven't really seen you at all."
                          
My face starts to harden and tense with frustration when he doesn't drop the conversation.
                          
"I'm fine, Happy. Why won't you just drop it?!"
                          
My voice raises at the end and Happy's eyes set into a glare, his little paws clenching into fists.
                          
"I'm just worried about you is all! And I was starting to feel lonely without you there at the guild but you're just a big jerk head!"
                          
He crosses his arms and looks away in a pout. My face softens and my body slackens.
                          
I have a bad habit of not being there for the people I care about.
                          
I didn't even think about how Happy would be affected by the way I was acting.
                          
"You're right, buddy."
                          
I reach out and rest my hand on his hand.
                          
"I've just been a little bummed out is all, but what do you say we go to the guild tomorrow and cause a ruckus?"
                          
His frown slowly starts to tilt at the corners and I smile at him. His face breaks out in a smile.
                          
"Aye sir!"
                          
He jumps off of the bed and gets into his own.
                          
"Let's get some sleep then...even though you don't need any, lazy."
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The doors to the guildhall screech and make a loud bang as they slam into the walls.
                          
I laugh maniacally and walk into the guild.
                          
"I'm back!"
                          
Everyone rolls their eyes and goes back to what they were doing but Gray walks up to Happy and I.
                          
"Where do you think you've been, Flamebrain?"
                          
He cracks his knuckles dramatically and I internally roll my eyes.
                          
"My fist has been dying to punch somebody."
                          
I glare at him in response and get a little too close for anyone's comfort.
                          
"You wanna go?"
                          
He smirks in response and I can almost feel the exhilaration of getting into a good fight, just like the good old days...but then I get reminded that this is the good old days...and I don't know how good they'll be.
                          
It's all a charade. A mask I'm putting on to fit in with the rest of them and it's not as effective as I'd hoped.
                          
I back down from Gray and his eyebrow raises. 
                          
"I'm not in the mood. Go mess with someone else."
                          
I turn away and make my way towards an empty table that's surrounded by more empty tables.
                          
I drop into the seat and prop my head up with a hand. 
                          
I'll stay for a little while for Happy, but then I don't know what to do.
                          
The doors of the guildhall screech and a loud bang ensues as they slam into the walls. I visibly cringe.
                          
God that's annoying.
                          
"I've got bad news!"
                          
Loke's voice makes its way across the room and my mind instantly connects it with a memory.
                          
"It's Erza...she's on her way here!"



                          
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Natsu's just a lame old fart these chapters.