(Brendons POV)
God was I nervous. I was even more anxiety ridden than I was yesterday. Right when I woke up, my heart started to beat heavily in my chest and I felt shaky. I didn't wanna get out of bed. I didn't wanna face this day. I had to though. I refuse to give myself a choice. I forced myself out of bed and I got changed, trying my best to not break down in a fit of tears again. I moved slowly in hopes I'd somehow slow time. Sadly that's not really how thing work though. I slowly made my way into the main area and immediately Dallon looked up to meet my gaze. "Are you okay, B? You look awfully pale." Dan says and I slowly look over at him, my hands slightly shaking.
"Wha- oh u-uh I'm great." I say and he didn't look convinced but nods. My heart felt like it was gonna beat right out of my chest. This felt horrible. I rather die than feel like this. Though I deserve it. I deserve every once of hurt, fear and pain that I'm feeling right now. I deserve it and so much more. I feel tears glaze my eyes and Dallon stands up. I immediately walk over and he engulfs me in a hug. "You're shaking so bad." He states and I shakily wrap my arms around him. "It-its.. I.. scared." I mumble into his shoulder and he rubs my back softly. "I know, it's scary. You'll be okay." He says softly. I pull away and Zach looked concerned and Dan looked concerned and confused.
"I'm doing it. After the photo shoot. " I say to Zach and he nods. "It's for the best." He says and I shrug. "I'm still a dickhead." I mumble and walk into the bunk area. "What's going on?" I hear Dan ask and I sigh softly. You'll figure out soon enough. Everyone will. Everything's sadly gon make sense in the matter of a few hours.
!
I slept the rest of the day. Well until 11. By sleep I also mean lay in my buk staring at the wall, thinking of ways on how to die. God I much rather die than be in this situation. Yet it's my fault I'm in this situation so I habe no room to complain. Eventually Zach forced me out of bed and made me eat and get dressed. I was dreading this. I genuinely just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I did this to myself though. It's all my fault. I walked extra slow up to the building and everyone noticed. I just lied and said I was tired. Dan believed me. Zach and Dallon obviously didn't. They also knew the truth though, Dan didn't.
"Brendon honey please try and stop moving." The photographer says and I swallow harshly. "S-sorry." I say and she nods. I tried to stop shaking. I tried to stay still. It was hard though. "Okay how about we take a 5 minute break okay?" She says I nod and hurriedly go over, sitting beside Dallon. "I'm sorry." He says and I sniffle and grab his hand. No one would notice. If they did, it wouldn't matter. Everything gonna crumble down in the matter of an hour or so. "This was silly of us huh?" Dallon says and I look at him. "Is it wrong for me to say I'd do it all again?" I ask and he giggles lowly and shakes his head. "No, I would too. A million times over. I'm glad I met you." He says softly and I feel tears fill my eyes. "I-I'm glad I met you too, Dally." I say and he pulls me in for an embrace, wrapping his arms around me, making me feel safe.
"Hey, don't cry baby. Okay? It's okay." He whispers in my ear and I hug him back. I close my eyes and try to imagine us somewhere else. I tried to imagine the fear and hurt all gone. It just doesn't work like that though. That's not reality. "I wish I admitted how I felt sooner." I mumble and he ribs my back. "Me too." He says softly. We pull away and I look at him, and Dallon smiles softly at me. "I would kiss you right now if I could." He says lowly and I turn to look at everyone. No one was looking. I press a soft kiss on the corner of his lips and he giggles. "Better than nothing." He says and I smile softly. "There it is. Pretty boy." Dallon says, the last part so I can only hear. I'm that moment I felt happy. Dallon just makes me feel as if any problems I had would fade away. Even though this problem won't just go away. I have to deal with it head on. The problem I created.
