26: A shoulder to cry on

                                    

                                          
To say it's late is an understatement. It's almost morning. 5:07 to be exact. I'm still waiting for Elliot to show up although I think he hasn't been on Trevor's mind all night. At the end Trevor decided that I can teach him how to play poker better and we spent quite a while occupying ourselves with that. We then played a few test rounds and he did get better. Not better than me though. And again, I'm not the best at it. After that, he took a nap while I wrote something in my notebook. 
                          
He's still sleeping, oh, and I didn't mention but he's sleeping next to me, all curled up in a ball. He looks adorable like that and it's what inspired me to write a short poem. While I'm writing he suddenly jumps up scaring both me and himself.
                          
"Trevor. What happened?" I put aside my notebook and panicked I look at him.
                          
"Bad dream. It's just a dream." He tells more to himself than me.
                          
"Do you want some water?" I pick up the water bottle on my nightstand and offer it.
                          
"No. It's okay."
                          
"You don't look okay to me." His forehead is slightly sweaty and he still looks shocked.
                          
"I just...dreamt of something bad..." 
                          
"Do you want to tell me what?" I cock my head to the side.
                          
"It may sound stupid but, I dreamt about the death of my old dog back home." If that isn't the most innocent and heartbreaking thing I've heard him say...
                          
"Oh Trevor..." I take his hand and gently squeeze it.
                          
"I really loved him, his name was Happy. I gave him the name when I adopted him as a little pup because he was constantly jumping around and wagging his tail. He was a Golden Retriever." He stops and laughs as if the moments were coming back to him. "He was 5 years old when he died. I was so close to him when it happened and I couldn't stop it. My neighbor really hated him, he hated animals in general, he'd always celebrate whenever he killed a deer while hunting. And he was so happy, ironically, when he put a bullet right through Happy's head." He sobs and I'm barely holding in my tears too.  "I'm glad my mom beat the shit out of that motherfucker, although he didn't get punished by the police for it. But karma quickly got back at him because he was bitten badly by a wolf and he was left without his right arm. His shooting arm." 
                          
"I'm so sorry you had to see that Trevor. But he got what he deserved. Bad people always get bitten right back in the ass by fate. And karma has a role in it too." I sniff and try to keep myself stable enough. For Trevor.
                          
"I keep having this dream though. And I don't know how to stop it." He wipes his tears with his free hand. The other is still in mine.
                          
"What's worked for me before to stop nightmares is by finding closure. When my dad passed away," He snaps his head towards me. I haven't mentioned this before and it's quite sudden but I feel like I can tell him about that. "I kept dreaming about how I could do something to prevent his death, but I knew I couldn't. That didn't stop the dreams though. So, I decided to write out everything I had in mind. That helped me, the dreams didn't stop at once but with time I came to accept what had happened. Maybe, you too need closure." 
                          
"I'm sorry for your loss Ash. I didn't know..." 
                          
"No, it's okay. There's never a right time to tell something like this. It's sudden but it felt right." 
                          
"...thank you for telling me. And for hearing me out and offering advice. I know that it'll help. Because I believe in you." He smiles sadly and pulls my hand holding his up to kiss it. 
                          
"You'll always have me to help Trevor." Can a person fall in love this fast? Because what I feel right now looks a lot like it. 
                          
A sudden door knock breaks us apart. 
                          
"It must be Elliot." I say and go to open. I'm met with a slumped down Elliot.
                          
"It didn't go how I wanted Ash." He speaks quietly and slowly. I pull him inside and help him sit down on my bed.
                          
"Elliot...what's wrong? If it's because of me I'm really sorry-" Trevor starts but is shut up by Elliot.
                          
"No. It's with Alejandro. I like...liked him and I decided to tell him." 
                          
"We spoke earlier about it, I wanted him to tell you himself, that's why I didn't say anything. Sorry." I tell Trevor and he thankfully nods in understanding.
                          
"I see it didn't go well huh?" Trevor asks his friend.
                          
"No...I invited him and when I do we usually just get right to business, but this time I said that I just wanna talk. He was weirded out and laughed at me saying something is wrong with me. I took that as a bad sign but I still told him. And you know what he did...?" Elliot scoffs to himself. "He told me to stop being silly. That's when I had enough and it got messy. I yelled at him and he kept saying how we agreed that we won't have feelings involved. He said some hurtful things I'd rather not bring up and that hit hard. I was disappointed in him, in myself and I started crying. He then called me crazy and ran out of the room." I notice his hands are shaking so I kneel down in front of him and place my hands on top of his.
                          
"I know you said he's not worth crying over if he rejects me but I couldn't Ash, I cried a lot. I've never had my heart broken like this. It hurt." Oh Elliot...
                          
"It's okay to feel like this. It's the first time you're experiencing something like this. It's unfamiliar but it's not wrong. And he offended you in ways you wouldn't expect him to, which just adds to the pain. You have to be strong but you shouldn't let your true feelings be bottled up inside you." I tell him as he looks at me with tearful eyes.
                          
"Ash's right. Nothing you feel at the moment is wrong. You can cry until you feel better, then Ash and I will gladly help you find a new, awesome guy that'll be worth your time." Trevor adds a little light to make Elliot at least a tiny bit happier. 
                          
"If I start crying again, don't take pictures. I'm an ugly crier." Elliot jokes even in a time like this. He laughs and wipes his eyes.
                          
"Wanna sleep with us tonight?" I ask Elliott.
                          
"Yeah. If it won't be a problem." 
                          
"Of course it's not. You can't be alone right now." Trevor says and side hugs Elliot. 
                          
"You guys are the best friends ever. I love you." Elliot says and throws his arms around both Trevor and I. We are the best friends ever.