|18| • What Could Not Have Been •

                                    

                                          
The directions had been relatively vague, so I wasn't sure if I'd be successful in my endeavours, but I didn't really have a choice. I walked up the stairs, just one floor because then I decided to follow the signs and if there was a sign for the dressing rooms it made sense to follow that. I had to walk through a few doors, but eventually I found what appeared to be the correct room. I could hear some very familiar voices that made me smile. They were discussing something, very loudly, it would have been hard to miss which room was their dressing room.
                          
The door was open, so I glanced inside, smiling, before I stepped inside the room, getting everyone's attention. "Hi," I greeted them. "Don't mind me, continue with your argument," I told them, slightly amused. But I knew that was pointless because Brian immediately came over to me, smiling brightly. It hadn't been long since we had seen each other, but he greeted me with a hug before he kissed me softly, earning a round of annoyed groans and mumbles from the rest of the band. Somehow it had turned fun to annoy them by doing cute couple things.
                          
"So what were you arguing about?" I asked my boyfriend curiously, looking at the others.
                          
"Outfits," Brian sighed. "Here, tell me which one I should wear tonight," he said, letting go of me, walking over to a stack of shirts. "And you keep quiet," he told Freddie, making him roll his eyes.
                          
I watched the scene amused, crossing my arms. Was it always like that? It was certainly interesting.
                          
Brian held up a shirt, it was white, it was very fluffy with creased fabric. It had a renaissance-y flair to it somehow, but it was hard to imagine how he would look wearing it. "I have this one," he said, holding it up against his body. "I've shown it to you a couple of weeks ago, remember? You said you liked it on me."
                          
That wasn't particularly helpful, because I liked a lot of things he wore. But now that he said that, I thought I remembered what he had looked like wearing it and he had looked pretty great. Gorgeous might actually be a better word, I had loved that sight. Biting my lip, I nodded a little. "Oh yeah, I remember. I did like that a lot. Very much actually. What's the other? I doubt it can compare to this outfit," I told him.
                          
"That's what I keep telling him," Freddie joined the conversation. "He should just go with that white one and not this frilly mess."
                          
I raised my eyebrows, now curious. I didn't recall seeing a shirt which I would classify as 'frilly mess'. "Let me see the other one," I told Brian.
                          
He placed down the white one and picked up another one, also mostly white, the sleeves were similar to the first one, and in general in was a similar style, the only difference was that there were black ornaments on the ruffles. It was beautiful too, but he hadn't shown me this one. "So what do you think? Both of them go with the white trousers here," he said, pointing to the trousers.
                          
I smirked and nodded a little. "Oh yes, I'm strongly in favour of those trousers..."
                          
Brian smirked at me, not having to reply for me to know what he was thinking. "It's up to you to decide which shirt goes with it..." 
                          
Or to put it differently, which shirt I'd be taking off him again after the show. Before he put on other clothes and we went back to the hotel, of course, but still. I bit my lip, ignoring the fact that Freddie was complaining about our flirting. "I want to see that one," I told him after a moment of contemplation. Partly to help Brian annoy Freddie a little more, but partly also because I wanted to see what he looked like in that outfit.
                          
"Alright, Fred, the lady has spoken. I'm wearing this tonight, go on and have your fit," he stated and folded up the other shirt neatly.
                          
Freddie just shook his head and rolled his eyes. "You two and your couple-y antics annoy me so much already," he grumbled.
                          
I just chuckled, we all knew he was just being dramatic. "We love you too, Fred," I told him before I walked over to Brian and had a look at everything he had lying around. He told me about what they would be doing next, and basically I followed him around during the next hours. It was interesting to see what was going on backstage before a concert to make sure everything was ready, and I found it fascinating to see how much his life had changed, and how much he knew about this. Of course it was his job, but he didn't just let the roadies do their job, he always checked and made sure everything was to his satisfaction, along with the other three of course. They made sure nothing was left to chance so their audience would have the perfect experience. He said that for them it was just another night, and another concert, but for their audience it was the only night, and they had to make sure they made a positive lasting impression every night. 
                          
I really admired that, it showed how dedicated they were. They were meticulous in their preparations and I knew that from the last time I saw them that it paid off because they put on a great show. It was weird to think about that now. Last time I had been to a concert, my life had been so different because at that time I hadn't spoken to Brian in years, I hadn't wanted to speak to him at all and I was upset with Annie for dragging me along. But... now that I knew how it would turn out I couldn't be happier that she had made me go to that concert and basically forced me backstage with her. And I was grateful that Brian had recognised me in the crowd. How different everything would be if he hadn't. I might have gone along to the Hyde Park concert later this month, but... I might not ever have spoken to him again. How much I would have missed out on. That realisation really hit me when we returned to their dressing room so he could get changed and get ready, but it was empty for a moment. 
                          
I reached for his hand, making him stop and look at me.
                          
"Everything alright?" He asked when he saw my expression. "You're looking ... weird..."
                          
"Everything's fine. I'm just thinking about how we got here, you know? At your last concert, I didn't want to be there, remember? My friend forced me along, she forced me to the front, and she made me go backstage after you realised it's me. I'm just so grateful that you spotted me, and that you wanted to talk to me, or else we wouldn't be here.."
                          
Brian smiled a little before he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. "I know. I don't think I even consciously knew who I saw, you know? It's so much happening on stage, I rarely ever really look at the crowd by I saw something that made me think and look again, I'm sure you know those moments. And I know your face, you know? Very well. I found it hard to believe that it was really you. I'm so glad it was... I could hardly believe my eyes when I came backstage, you know?" He pulled away and looked at me with a smile.
                          
I looked at him, unable to keep a smile off my face either. How could I have? "Me neither, but for a different reason," I pointed out, smiling. It was weird to think about how much I hadn't wanted to see him. "I'm glad you were a little annoying."
                          
"Me too," he agreed. "I was scared about being too annoying, but I'm glad I managed to balance the line."
                          
"You did, yeah," I agreed.
                          
"I love you so much, I hope you know that," he continued, gently placing his hand on my cheek.
                          
My smile widened. "I love you too, Brian." I nodded a little before I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him softly. I loved kissing him so much, it was basically heaven.
                          
However, our moment was - of course - interrupted by someone barging in, this time it was Roger. He groaned, clearly not amused. "Can you guys please give it a rest? We have a concert to play.."
                          
"Relax, Roger," Brian said after he pulled away. "I can be in love and still play a concert. I was just about to get changed."
                          
"And I was just about to leave so you can do whatever you need to do in peace," I told Roger before I pecked Brian's lips. "I expect a fabulous show, don't disappoint me," I told him with a smile.
                          
"You know I wouldn't," Brian replied, smiling before he took off his shirt. 
                          
I did of course take a good look at him shirtless before I left their dressing room, just as I had said, so they could get ready in peace, without anyone disturbing their routine. I decided to get something to drink before I went to find my seat. It wasn't front row, as in the old theatre Brian had told me I would probably be able to get a better view from the circle. I trusted his judgement as he had the experience. I was looking forward to this, to seeing my gorgeous man on stage, doing what he did best. It would be weird, knowing that so many other girls in the same room would be admiring him, but it did help to know that I would be the one who'd get to kiss him after the concert, and probably also do a few other things with him.