I watch the fire until all the letters are burned and forgotten, and I stay there until the fire dies down to glowing embers. Only then do I climb into bed, curled up on my side with my knees pressed against my chest, and fall asleep, that terrible ache still in my heart. 
                          
***
                          
I wake to the feel of someone running their fingers through my hair. I shift a little, groaning quietly, and settle deeper into my covers, letting the relaxing feeling of someone playing with my hair lull me to sleep. 
                          
But then I register that someone is in my room, touching my hair, and my eyes flutter open to find my daughter, Angelica, sitting on the bed beside me. 
                          
She notices I'm awake, and she whispers, "Good morning."
                          
I only offer a sleepy smile and say, "Good morning, my love."
                          
"Why is daddy sleeping in the living room? Why are you sleeping alone?" she asks, her eyes filled with worry. 
                          
"Oh, it's nothing," I tell her quickly, my mind whirling to find an excuse. "Perhaps your father was too lazy to climb the stairs," I suppose with a teasing smile, and Angelica laughs just as I'd hoped she would. 
                          
"Well, he's making breakfast downstairs. If you don't go downstairs now, then you might miss him before he leaves for work," Angelica tells me matter-of-factly.  
                          
"Oh, is he now?" I remark dryly, "Well, go downstairs and get breakfast, Angelica, to make sure you get to say goodbye before he leaves." 
                          
"What about you?" Angelica asks in her sweet voice, missing nothing. 
                          
"I'm going to get dressed and ready," I tell her, poking her in the ribs. This draws a laugh from her, and she quickly nods before swinging herself off the bed and slipping out of the room. 
                          
I make sure to take my time dressing so I can waste more time and conveniently not have to face him. I leisurely pick a lavender gown with white lace at the top of the bodice and at the end of the sleeves from my closet. I put the dress on slower than I usually would. I even go so far as to fix my hair into an updo and put some pearls in it. 
                          
I glance out the window to see if he's left yet, but his horse is stilled tied up on the side of the house. I stifle a groan and make myself pick out some dainty jewelry to waste more time. I'm putting earrings in when I hear the sound of a horse outside. 
                          
I bound over to the window and quickly look outside to see Hamilton hopping up onto his horse. I smile to myself, inwardly applauding myself for successfully evading him. 
                          
My eyes roam to the street, though, and I notice carts full of piled up bodies. 
                          
Oh gosh, the rumor really is true. 
                          
I quickly go downstairs and see all five of my children sitting at the dining room table, eating.
                          
 "Mama!" Angelica exclaims, jumping up from her seat. "You just missed Papa!"
                          
I fake a disappointed look and say, "I got all dressed up for him. I suppose I'll see him for dinner." Angelica only smiles, but it looks a little sad. 
                          
Then it hits me. Hamilton had to have gone into our room to get changed. Meaning, he went into our room while I was asleep to get clothes for the day. Oh gosh. 
                          
I shiver a little, thinking how vulnerable I was asleep on the bed. Not that he would do anything. It's just that I don't like him seeing me asleep, unable to defend myself after we've just fought. 
                          
No, 'fought' is too easy and simple of a word. If ever there was an adequate word to use in its place, that would be it. It needs to be a word that encompasses loving someone completely, and then having your heart destroyed and ravaged as they shatter your world into smithereens.