31.

                                    

                                          
I wake up to the feeling of Oikawa's lips pressing softly against my forehead. My eyes open to meet his, as a warm smile takes over his face.
                          
"I didn't mean to wake you," he tells me quietly, his voice still sounding sleepy.
                          
I shake my head gently, bringing a hand to his cheek, "I'm glad you did."
                          
He nods slowly, tilting his head slightly into my hand, as I bring my thumb across his bottom lip, feeling it's smooth ridges move gently as his smile widens. I watch carefully in the dim light, as his hand covers mine, his fingers interlocking with my own, tracing my bare ring finger in a soft reminder of what he wants to come. I simply close my eyes, as if I was oblivious to his message, and let out an almost silent sigh. His fingers move away from mine, as I bring my hand back down to the blankets, pulling them up closer to my chin.
                          
"I love you," he murmurs, his words filling the room, and drowning out the morning traffic outside of our window. I focus on his words, a feeling of calm washing over me as I hear the rustling of his gym bag being lifted onto his shoulder.
                          
"Love you too Tooru," I smile to myself, as I hear the click of the lamp turning off. I've come to appreciate living with him more than I'd imagined, yet waking up to an empty bed always leaves me disappointed. The mornings where he "accidentally" wakes me up tend to be among my favorites, despite the fact that I can rarely fall back asleep afterwards. I listen for the sound of the door closing back into place, before rolling back over, and forcing myself to shut my eyes, and stop myself from missing him.
                          
•••
                          
"Can you pick Seiji up from daycare?" I ask into the phone, which is placed precariously between my ear and my shoulder.
                          
"Sure thing," he replies, "What are you up to?"
                          
"Working late," I lie, praying he doesn't hear the lull of traffic surrounding me.
                          
"Hmm." 
                          
"I've got to go," I tell him, as I come to the large glass doors, "I'll see you at home."
                          
I hang up the phone before he has a chance to respond, my heart racing in my chest as I enter the hospital lobby. I find my doctor's office and enter as he ushers for me to sit down. His face is contorted with a look of faked happiness, and I already know his smile is hiding bad news. He takes his time before giving me his conclusion, weighing me down with medical jargon and test results. They swirl together in my brain, not yet forming a whole concept. When he finally reveals the outcome of the relentless testing, it's not what I'd wanted. Instead, I feel the last bit of hope leaving me. I shake his hand firmly, thanking him, before standing up to go.
                          
"If you have anymore questions please-"
                          
"Thank you." 
                          
As I leave the building, I find myself wandering the streets mindlessly, not wanting to head home just yet, and have to face the two of them. I don't want to admit I've been hiding a secret from them, hoping that it would work out and I'd never have to admit anything was wrong in the first place. My luck has run out. What a joke this has all turned out to be. I've been given everything I'd ever wanted or needed, only to know I would be ripped from it violently, without being able to control any of it. I wouldn't be able to watch how my perfect life would unfold. No, that joy was stripped from me just as soon as the doctor gave me a prognosis. It just wasn't fair. 
                          
Life's not fair.
                          
As I continue to wander, I feel the cold breeze brushing against my skin, a reminder that I could still feel, even if my head was rejecting that concept. I find myself in the middle of a park, the sounds of children laughing and playing booming from all directions. I simply stand and listen to the scattered melody, the sounds burning themselves into my brain. 
                          
Placing my bag on a nearby bench, I sit down, letting my mind wander further away from reality. My eyes stay on a single oak tree, tracing each and every branch from base to leaf. I study almost every leaf, it's outline, the way it flutters in the wind, the colors which seem to change depending on the side of the tree, everything about it entrancing me. 
                          
I'm stopped by the ringing of my phone from within my bag beside me. I answer it soundlessly, bringing it to my ear as I await a noise.
                          
"Hey (F/N), where are you?" Oikawa asks, sounding concerned.
                          
"A park," I answer dully. 
                          
"Which one?"
                          
"Not sure," I reply, looking around me, then down to my watch. I was supposed to be home almost two hours ago...
                          
"Are you alright?" He asks, his voice becoming faster, "We can come get you, or try anyways."
                          
"I'll be home soon," I tell him, standing up shakily. 
                          
"Okay then," he mutters, sounding just as confused as I feel.
                          
With that I hang up, and continue on home, dread building in my stomach as I get closer and closer. As I arrive, my hand trembles around the doorknob, knowing I'll have to tell all when I enter. I don't want to shatter the illusion.
                          
I twist the knob as light floods the doorway, illuminating me, and the porch behind me. Seiji runs towards me immediately, as I fall to my knees, my hands grasping for him in a desperate attempt to ground myself. I pull him into my chest, my forehead pressing against his hair, as his hands grip at my jacket. 
                          
"Hi Mom!" He chimes as he pulls away from me, and runs back towards Tooru who's staring a few feet away. He looks at me warily, watching as I remove my shoes and jacket, and place my things down. I creep closer towards him, my feet carrying me slowly into his arms. He holds me gently, knowing that if he's not careful I might break.