thirteen

                                    

                                          
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I heard Joel ask me in a not so happy tone before I had barely walked into our hotel room. 
                          
"Oh my god, just what I needed," I groaned as I sat onto the corner of the bed and took off my shoes. 
                          
"You know how many rumors are going around questioning whether or not you're cheating on me," he furiously ranted. The words clashing against each other because of how fast he was speaking. 
                          
"I could care less," I said giving him a fake smile
                          
"You didn't even think to tell me that you were going out with Christopher?" He questioned me. His eyebrows furrowing together. 
                          
"Oh please Joel," I began, "like if you really cared about my whereabouts," 
                          
"Of course I care about your my whereabouts, you are my girlfriend," 
                          
"Then act like it dude," I said my voice cracking. 
                          
"Don't cry, please don't cry," he said his voice softening ad he tried to get closer. 
                          
"I'm not going to cry over you again. I want to go home, I don't think that this is going to work anymore," I said biting the inside of my cheek. 
                          
"What are you saying?" he asked pushing his curls away from his face.
                          
"I'm saying, that I want to go home. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to have to deal with you anymore. I don't want to have to deal with us anymore. I don't want to have to feel like some girl is more your girlfriend than me. I'm exhausted, Joel. We're always fighting and I don't even know why. I'm here for you. I've sacrificed so much for you and your dream. And here I am time after time like a freaking idiot. It's all because I love you but, sometimes I can't help but wonder if this love is even healthy. It's all about you and what you need. I had to wait for you at home and I wouldn't see you for months. I have to wonder what was going on in your life. I hate not being your life. I hate that I'm not even in your life. I'm your girl for crying out loud but, I'm not even your girlfriend. I'm just here. I'm pushed off to the side and I don't know it hurts so much." I choked out. And he made that face he always makes when he knows he messed up. And I knew that it wasn't Joel's fault. He was just a boy trying to live his dreams and goals. And I loved him and admired him so much for accomplishing so much at such a young age but, I missed that boy I fell in love. I couldn't even recognize him anymore and it hurt me so much. 
                          
"I know we can work through this," he pleaded
                          
"Can we though, baby?" I questioned as I reached for his flawless skin. I silently admired as his lashes hit his face. How vulnerable he looked as he thought he was going to lose me for good this time. 
                          
"I know we can," he whispered pulling me closer to him. I tried my hardest to resist his touch but, there was something about him that made me weak. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Trust  me when I tell you that this isn't going to continue like this," he said sounding hurt
                          
"You say this but, I don't know if I believe you," I said lighting running my forefinger on his eyebrows and then tracing his lips. 
                          
"Isa, I can be that guy for you again, I'd be willing to leave all of this for you," he sighed grabbing my hands. And that's what scared me how intently and positively he could say these things. Without being scared he was willing to throw everything away for me. And it scared me because I had him wrapped around my finger and it's what any girl wanted but, I didn't comprehend how he could just say these things with so much certainty. 
                          
"Don't say that," I pleaded 
                          
"I mean it though," he said searching for some sort of certainty in me. "Listen, I know it's hard. I know because it's not easy not having you physically here with me every second. The calls and texts just make me miss you more. I hate not being able to share my little accomplishments and just everything the second it happens. I hate that you're not here for me when mad or upset,"
                          
"Joel but you arguing with me and just provoking me isn't helping the situation. I don't blame your career because I know how much hard work you've put into this. And you love it, don't say things you would regret. I know that if I made you leave this behind you would resent me for this," 
                          
"Can you give us another chance. You're already here. Don't leave me when I need you most," he said tucking my hair behind my ear. I nodded because I don't want to picture my life without him. He leaned his face into my neck and sunk my hands into his curls. "I love you," he muttered 
                          
"I don't want to fight anymore," I whispered
                          
"Me either," he said into my neck. I didn't want everyone to be right about him and our relationship.  Which is why I kept staying with him. I knew that because of his career we weren't going to last so much longer. "I missed you so much," 
                          
"Joel, you acting the way you do and ignoring me and provoking me hasn't shown that one bit. You pounced on my friend for no reason. Nothing is going on between me and him," I said before he interrupted me 
                          
"Alondra said that he likes you," 
                          
"First of all why is she even telling you that, second of all, I highly doubt that is true. And third of all, even if he did, I would never let anything happen. I'm your girlfriend, so start acting like it, dummy. I love you and only you," 
                          
"Okay," he smiled and I poked his little dimple "the same goes for Oriana and Emilia and any other girl that my fans are saying I'm involved with or whatever," he said softly 
                          
"Okay, well you actually kissed Oriana," I pouted 
                          
"Technically, that doesn't count because we were on break, and Johann edited that part out of the video," 
                          
"Whatever," I said snatching my hand out of his 
                          
"Babeeeee," he groaned, "I don't want to start this," 
                          
"I told you it's whatever," I said "anyways Max kissed me that day too," 
                          
"What the hell," he said frowning 
                          
"I'm kidding," I giggled "Your such a loser though, you couldn't even keep your lips to yourself for a day," I pouted. I just loved pouting. 
                          
"Isa, I was sad, and the boys were trying to cheer me up," he said caressing me 
                          
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I said sticking my tongue out "Pero, you see, you didn't like the idea of me kissing some other guy even while we were on break. So, imagine how I felt knowing that you were openly flirting with some chick you had already kissed and done who knows what with," 
                          
"Isabella, I told you that all we did was have a peck on the lips. Nothing else, I swear. Okay," 
                          
"I know, I'm just teasing," I said placing a kiss on his cheek. "Joelito, I love you so much," I smiled 
                          
"I love your smile and you," he said with that perfect little smirk that showed me his dimples. 
                          
"Sing me that John Legend song," I smirked back 
                          
"Wow, you're really out here making demands," he laughed 
                          
"Sing it please," I said pecking his lips 
                          
"Okay, anything for you," he said laughing some more. Wow, this man really had me wrapped around his finger. He made me feel so warm inside just by breathing. He cleared his throat and began to hum out the tune of All of You by the one and only John Legend. "'cause all of me loves all of you, love all your curves  and edges, all your perfect imperfections," 
                          


                          
AHHH imagine him singing to you like that, bro his girlfriend if he has one or when he gets one is gonna be mad lucky. oof. wow look at me actually updating!